Rutherford The Brave
August 26th, 2010, 11:23 PM
Lately things for me have been mentally exhausting. I got fired from another job, I keep applying saying things like "I'm willing to work for less then most people". "I have tons of expierence, I know I'm young but I'm willing to work as much as I can." Well it's a no go, so It's been weighing on me mentally. It fucked everything up the other day for me.
(Reminder I'm also once again Anorexic)
Anywho, the other day I was on the phone with my girl friend. She was telling me how I needed to eat, and how I needed to stop trying to give up on another job. I obviously being angry responded with "I don't need to eat!" Then hung up. Hours later, while at my friends house. I was playing Oblivion while my friend was talking to his parents when she showed up at his house.
It went down like this.
"What are you doing here?"
" I told you not to hang up on me."
"Do you honestly think coming here is going to get me to eat?"
"No, that's not why I came."
"Then you shouldn't have came."
"No there is a reason."
"I don't want to hear it."
"I think you do."
"No I don't."
"Well, I just came to tell you that if you don't take care of yourself first your dad is taking Chey to Noor's."
(At this point I'm standing and staring at her.)
"How dare you?"
"How dare I what?"
"You know how hard I work for her."
"She doesn't need a dad who can't even help himself."
BAM
Ever have one of those moments where you just don't even know what happened, you just did something out of pure emotion? This happened to be one of those moments.
It got silent and I could see her face was red where I hit her. She was looking down, obvious tears were rolling down her cheeks and my friend stared at us quietly. I ran out the door.
That was about 6 days ago, I had my phone off up until yesterday.
Well yesterday, it was a rainy day. Obviously I didn't want to show my face out and about but I needed some fresh air. So I got into my drug rug and my warm pants and went down to the local park. I just happened to run into my friend, (the one who I was with prior to the incident.) He started talking to me calmly and we walked up and down the beach. He stopped me and started telling me that he took care of her afterwards and how bad it looks. I told him I didn't want to think about and I made my way towards my car.
WAIT! I forgot something. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I LEFT MY KEYS IN MY CAR!
I ran back to my car. Only to find her standing outside of it. I averted my eyes, I didn't want to look. I knew it was bad. She didn't say anything but she walked towards me. I close my eyes and she grabbed me and made me look. Her once lightly colored skin was deep purple and I closed my eyes again to hide the tears.
Yes, more dialogue!
"I'm sorry"
"You should be."
"I'm stressed you knew it, it's no excuse I just didn't want to deal with anything."
"That's for sure, you never want to do that."
"I deserved that."
"Well you've had your time what are you going to do."
"Can I have my keys so I can go please?"
"No, you can't."
"Then I'll walk."
"If she stays, I go."
"What do you mean?"
"If you decide not to get help, I'm leaving you. Plus I'm telling the world that you hit me out of rage."
"Now your blackmailing me..."
"Guess I am."
"You suck."
"Love you too Greg."
It's been awhile since I've said anything to her. Not only that, it's been awhile since I've actually not talked to anyone about my issues. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I can either, go to rehab, take time away from Chey to find another job, and let Noor have a chance to raise her a llittle. Or keep her, keep plugging on and not have someone who loves me that much. Honestly, this situation sucks.
RANT TIME
I hate you welfare, you don't give money to anyone who wouldn't appear to need money but in reality if you FUCKING CHECKED. You'd realize that I need money NOW.
(Reminder I'm also once again Anorexic)
Anywho, the other day I was on the phone with my girl friend. She was telling me how I needed to eat, and how I needed to stop trying to give up on another job. I obviously being angry responded with "I don't need to eat!" Then hung up. Hours later, while at my friends house. I was playing Oblivion while my friend was talking to his parents when she showed up at his house.
It went down like this.
"What are you doing here?"
" I told you not to hang up on me."
"Do you honestly think coming here is going to get me to eat?"
"No, that's not why I came."
"Then you shouldn't have came."
"No there is a reason."
"I don't want to hear it."
"I think you do."
"No I don't."
"Well, I just came to tell you that if you don't take care of yourself first your dad is taking Chey to Noor's."
(At this point I'm standing and staring at her.)
"How dare you?"
"How dare I what?"
"You know how hard I work for her."
"She doesn't need a dad who can't even help himself."
BAM
Ever have one of those moments where you just don't even know what happened, you just did something out of pure emotion? This happened to be one of those moments.
It got silent and I could see her face was red where I hit her. She was looking down, obvious tears were rolling down her cheeks and my friend stared at us quietly. I ran out the door.
That was about 6 days ago, I had my phone off up until yesterday.
Well yesterday, it was a rainy day. Obviously I didn't want to show my face out and about but I needed some fresh air. So I got into my drug rug and my warm pants and went down to the local park. I just happened to run into my friend, (the one who I was with prior to the incident.) He started talking to me calmly and we walked up and down the beach. He stopped me and started telling me that he took care of her afterwards and how bad it looks. I told him I didn't want to think about and I made my way towards my car.
WAIT! I forgot something. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I LEFT MY KEYS IN MY CAR!
I ran back to my car. Only to find her standing outside of it. I averted my eyes, I didn't want to look. I knew it was bad. She didn't say anything but she walked towards me. I close my eyes and she grabbed me and made me look. Her once lightly colored skin was deep purple and I closed my eyes again to hide the tears.
Yes, more dialogue!
"I'm sorry"
"You should be."
"I'm stressed you knew it, it's no excuse I just didn't want to deal with anything."
"That's for sure, you never want to do that."
"I deserved that."
"Well you've had your time what are you going to do."
"Can I have my keys so I can go please?"
"No, you can't."
"Then I'll walk."
"If she stays, I go."
"What do you mean?"
"If you decide not to get help, I'm leaving you. Plus I'm telling the world that you hit me out of rage."
"Now your blackmailing me..."
"Guess I am."
"You suck."
"Love you too Greg."
It's been awhile since I've said anything to her. Not only that, it's been awhile since I've actually not talked to anyone about my issues. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I can either, go to rehab, take time away from Chey to find another job, and let Noor have a chance to raise her a llittle. Or keep her, keep plugging on and not have someone who loves me that much. Honestly, this situation sucks.
RANT TIME
I hate you welfare, you don't give money to anyone who wouldn't appear to need money but in reality if you FUCKING CHECKED. You'd realize that I need money NOW.