I'm back... i don't think that's a very good thing...

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

why else would I be posting here? I fell back into the old habit. again. I haven't cut since the end of the last school year, a good three months ago. I was clean all summer. my scars were going away--a little.
But I just started school back and the first week was hell. I'm a junior, and at my school it's the hardest year. i mean lots and lots of work. and I think I have ADD; i've never done well in school because I can't focus. I'm plenty smart... but that's not what I came here to talk about.
Sitting in class being crammed with someone else's ideas has made me feel so... numb. I can't explain it. it's probably just my medication's side-effects. which there are plenty of. I take Pristiq for depression, sulfameth for my skin, and trazadone as needed for insomnia.
And all I can think of when I stare at the razor in the shower is how it felt. it was so nice, to be able to concentrate on something besides all the work hanging over my head, or my family, or my ex. and I also feel good because I'm punishing myself. but then again, it's not really a punishment cause I like it so much.
I crave the pain it causes, I love seeing the blood run down my skin. I enjoy the aching that lasts for days and the scars that last for years.
I'm a mess. :(

[HeroesAndCons]

Welcome back to the forums Morgan :)
I also know what you are going through i just started my Junior year and yes its a pain in the ass with having add (i also have) its really hard to pay attention
and yes having others ideas crammed in your brain does get annoying and angry and numb. i know how you feel with that too
and yes when your in the shower its hard to shave or even look at the razor cause all you want is that rush of blood and pain but just try to get yourself away from that what i am starting to do since the stress and anger of school started it triggers me and so i put my razor outside the shower if i dont need to shave cause it lets me know i wont look at it and when i put it outside the shower i just look away and put it on the counter
and yes most of us like tha blood run down our skin and the pain that last for days and the scars cause its part of our life
NAW your not a mess you just need a little assistance like we all do
if u ever need me pm me im always on
~Ichigo

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

thanks for your post, i'm glad i'm not the only one