Help! I want to come out but I dont know when and who to

[dilydan]

I live in Scotland, United Kingdom (Great Britain) and I am gay. I have not came out to anyone other than the virtualteen.org community and now I want to tell the world basically but I'm afraid of what peoples reactions will be.

I talk to my cousin on a daily basis via skype as he lives around 200 miles away. He turned 17 on the 17th of august 2010 and I will become 15 on the 4th of October 2010.

I talk to him all the time as I have said and while we are talking if one of us feels like having a wank we will say to each other and put the call on hold, have a wank and return back to the call as normal.

The problem is his mum and dad are getting a divorce at the moment and because of this i don't know whether to tell him. I might be going down to his house for a weekend in September so I would like to tell him then but I don't know if it will make things awkward between us.

I don't want to tell anyone before him because we are so close so do you think I should tell him then or wait until my birthday in October and tell him then? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

And if anyone can help with this problem it would be greatly appreciated. In maths class I sit behind this REALLY REALLY REALLY HOT guy with a nice bulge and I keep sitting just staring at it, the problem is I get a boner everytime I look at him or his bulge can someone help with this please as well.

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

considering your cousin's situation, he must have a lot on his mind at the moment. you would have to think about how he feels towards the idea. i have no doubt he will accept you as you are, like all of us on VT, but you're very curteous to think about the divorce as well. does that make sense? it honestly just depends on how things turn out when you visit. if things are going well, try bringing it up. i hope this helps you :)
also, about the guy you sit behind, I can understand he makes it hard to concentrate! have you tried moving to a different seat? That would help that part. And do you know if he would like you back? If so, give it a shot.

[CuriousDestruction]

I don't like to tell people not to come out so i wont say that. if you think it will be awkward between you two then maybe you should wait. but if you really want to tell him then maybe it's a risk you should take. is he the type of person who would take it badly? or is he the type of person that would understand and treat you the same way?

as for your school problem, not much you can really do except distract yourself and not look at him. maybe switch seats if need be? or you can be really courageous and just ask him out if that's an option.

[nick]

Your cousin sounds like a really good friend. If you want to come out to him, whenever you feel the time is right, then you should do it. Sure there is a risk it could go wrong, but from what you have said I kind of doubt that. We all have to start somewhere and it is a big and may be terrifying step to take. When you feel ready go for it. To be honest your birthday is kind of irrelevant. Feel free to contact me if youd like to talk more.

[thepieman]

I think your cousin sounds like the right person to come out to as you two are so close, but I would definitely wait until at least a month or so after his divorce. I know this may be hard, and I don't normally advise people to put off coming out, but he will probably be feeling down while his parents are getting the divorce, and if he is feeling bad about one thing then he may be less supportive about your sexuality. I think he's more likely to understand you're sexuality and be supportive straight away if you tell him at the right time when he is beginning to understand his new circumstances. That's just what I'd do though, ultimately it is down to when you see it as the best time. Good luck. :D

Oh and with the hot guy thing - tell the teacher you can't see properly where you are sat. They should move you nearer to the front, and then away from the guy. Also, try making friends with him. Hang out, talk about stuff and see where it ends up, don't just ask him to be your boyfriend, as it will backfire. Take it easy, and hope for the best - you never know. :)

[Lostboy]

Coming out had to be the hardest thing i could do. but after words i felt so much better. Don't let it bottle up its just a small part of who you are. I'm not sure about the feelings gays get in the UK, but it was comfortable for me here in the states.

Your cousin seems like the right person to tell, but putting even more pressure on him at this time wouldn't be fair. after things clear up, I would ask him how he feels about his situation, and explain you have some big issues of your own and how it affects you. but before you tell him anything, figure out how he feels about gays. its always easyer to come out to friends and family when they suspect it. that way they already were under the impression your gay. Good luck with everything.

Oh and I have had the same issue with a guy in my physics class... All i did was stir up a convo with him then we became friends. we didn't do anything sexual but I got to know him and even tho I was attracted to him, I knew he wasn't into guys at all. eventually the feelings passed. but you never know. This kid in my other class sat behind me and I knew he wanted me so bad. I caught him staring at me all the time when we worked on labs and got into groups. so I just came up to him and started talking about homework and stuff. we hit it off and fooled around a little bit during "tutor time" at my place. I eventually got a GF and stopped doing things with him. but still you never know. If you feel up to it tap him on the shoulder and ask him about homework, or what ever the teacher just said, or something to get him to open up to you. if hes really not interested.. than its time to move on.

[Voleurz]

Divorce is hard. But friends are important too. Wait till the dust ahs settled a little. Then you can tell him. If your friends like you say, he will understand.

[dilydan]

thanks everyone for your suggestions it has really helped in me making my decision

[HelloWorld123456]

Honestly i dont think anybody of us can tell you when or whom to come out. it iwll happen, youll know when to, the subject will eventually crop up and if youll trust the person enough youll tell them automatically(I know :)). just know that you'll faces some difficulties after coming out there are some mean people out there, but dont let them discourage you, be strong, keep your head held up and dont care. :) !

moreover, i think that your cousin right now might not be the best person to come out to, i think he has a lot of other things going through his mind at the moment, and i believe that right now he needs himself someone to talk to someone that could just listen. :) !

Good luck .
John
xx