I'm sorry

[jason93]

Whenever I talk with someone new and if I decide I will meet in person with them (I sometime meet people in person that I meet online), before I do I have to tell them I am Deaf so that when we meet it is not a shocking to them.

Some of them reply and say: "Really?" and I of course reply back "Yes", and then they reply: "Oh I am sorry to hear that".

Why are people express sorry about it when a person is Deaf? It is really offensive in a way because most Deaf people not consider it a disability at all and like and be proud of being Deaf.

It is almost as offensive as someone meeting a person of another race and expressing "sadness" at the fact they are a different race.

[nick]

I could imagine myself making that answer, it wouldnt have occured to me it was offensive and I'm sure friends that have said that to you would be horrified to think it had caused offence. Now you've explained it I can see that. Its like if I was to say "I'm gay" to someone and their answer was "I'm sorry" its not the best answer at all. Try not to hold it against people if they do say it, they are not meaning to be unkind.

[jason93]

Sign Language is really good and hearing people should learn.

I use Auslan because I live in Australia but also now I learning ASL (American Sign Language) so I can Skype with my American friends.

I just looking at YouTube now and this person is singing with signs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kuw5SnQjZk

After reading comments I am sure he is a hearing person but what it shows is that it not a disability and even music can be done in sign :-)

[ackmedsgirl666]

i don't like when people feel sorry for shit like that because its apart of life and lots of ppl go through with similar stuff to what you are. you shouldn't feel bad either because im sure that you have learned to accept it. just hang tight and maybe who knows u might actually someday find someone online who is also deaf like you and then things should be easier

[jason93]

i don't like when people feel sorry for shit like that because its apart of life and lots of ppl go through with similar stuff to what you are. you shouldn't feel bad either because im sure that you have learned to accept it. just hang tight and maybe who knows u might actually someday find someone online who is also deaf like you and then things should be easier

I have but I have to learn their language.

Sign Language does not directly translate to English and ASL / Auslan are two different languages.

I am learning though and talk on Skype all the time :)

You are right, it is totally natural, just as natural as someone accepting they gay, straight, bisexual, asian, black or white or have redhair.

[CaptainObvious]

Whenever I talk with someone new and if I decide I will meet in person with them (I sometime meet people in person that I meet online), before I do I have to tell them I am Deaf so that when we meet it is not a shocking to them.

Some of them reply and say: "Really?" and I of course reply back "Yes", and then they reply: "Oh I am sorry to hear that".

Why are people express sorry about it when a person is Deaf? It is really offensive in a way because most Deaf people not consider it a disability at all and like and be proud of being Deaf.

It is almost as offensive as someone meeting a person of another race and expressing "sadness" at the fact they are a different race.

That's not offensive. Whether you consider it a disability or not, it is, by definition. You do not have an ability that most others do. That doesn't make you crippled or anything; as you've said you don't consider it a disability at all. But others do, and they react on that basis.

That shouldn't offend you, you should understand why they're saying it and understand their attempting to be nice. If you want to correct them, just tell them how you don't feel it's a big problem/disability and that you're quite happy with the way you are.

In any case, that line "like and [are] proud of being deaf" smacks of rationalization to me. I somewhat doubt any deaf person would choose it over being able to hear, all other things being equal.

[jason93]

That's not offensive. Whether you consider it a disability or not, it is, by definition. You do not have an ability that most others do. That doesn't make you crippled or anything; as you've said you don't consider it a disability at all. But others do, and they react on that basis.

That shouldn't offend you, you should understand why they're saying it and understand their attempting to be nice. If you want to correct them, just tell them how you don't feel it's a big problem/disability and that you're quite happy with the way you are.

In any case, that line "like and [are] proud of being deaf" smacks of rationalization to me. I somewhat doubt any deaf person would choose it over being able to hear, all other things being equal.

It is a normal human characteristic and it is only consider a disability in this world because a different language is use.

If a hearing person is in a room with 10 deaf people, who would be the disabled person? The hearing person because they probably cannot communicate with the deaf people.

I know lots of people born deaf who were force to get cochlear implant by parents when they were young and now they're teenager / adult they don't use because they hate noise. You can ask any deaf person from birth force to have one of these and lots will tell you they now not use it.

I am glad my mother and father never had me or my brother get one of these cochlear implant surgically put into our head and ear because I prefer have the choice to not get it :)

[CaptainObvious]

It is a normal human characteristic and it is only consider a disability in this world because a different language is use.

Indeed. But we live in this world. More importantly, language is not the only use of sound.

Also, it's not a "normal" human characteristic by any legitimate use of the word normal. Few people are deaf as a percentage of the population, ergo it is not "normal".

If a hearing person is in a room with 10 deaf people, who would be the disabled person? The hearing person because they probably cannot communicate with the deaf people.

It totally depends. If they don't know sign language, in that particular situation the hearing person is disabled. If they do know sign language, then the deaf people are still relatively disabled to the hearing person.

I know lots of people born deaf who were force to get cochlear implant by parents when they were young and now they're teenager / adult they don't use because they hate noise. You can ask any deaf person from birth force to have one of these and lots will tell you they now not use it.

I am glad my mother and father never had me or my brother get one of these cochlear implant surgically put into our head and ear because I prefer have the choice to not get it :)

I suppose you get used to what you know. I'd be interested to see aggregate numbers on those preferences, though.

Have you ever heard, out of interest? Or have you made the choice to forego an implant without knowing what it's like?

[Trickster]

Alot of people when they hear that you have a disability think "what if that happened to me?" Its like...if i hear someone is blind, i think "wow i couldnt do that, i cant watch tv or see people again" Its like people think what its like and feel sorry for others because they think its impossible if they lived like that. It may sound offensive but it comes from a good place.
Myself, i usually ask how its is. and whats changed and what do they do mostly now. I think when someone reveals something to you, you should ask questions about it because it makes them more aware how it is and it can make them feel special about it.

[jason93]

Have you ever heard, out of interest? Or have you made the choice to forego an implant without knowing what it's like?

I am profoundly deaf but does not mean I cant hear sound. The only sound I can hear is very high frequency sound like a siren on ambulance or police car. If I out on the street and a police car with siren on goes past I block my ear as I cant stand the sound it is unbelievable.

Other than this I cannot hear at all and would not want it any other way.

I once got a question from someone and they ask me when I sleep how I dream and of course I dream in sign and they find this weird.

Sometime when I thinking when alone I sometimes will sign and that is the way I think as well and this is normal to me and my brother.

[CaptainObvious]

I am profoundly deaf but does not mean I cant hear sound. The only sound I can hear is very high frequency sound like a siren on ambulance or police car. If I out on the street and a police car with siren on goes past I block my ear as I cant stand the sound it is unbelievable.

Other than this I cannot hear at all and would not want it any other way.[/

Ah. Well no surprise sound isn't your favorite thing in the world then, if the only type you've heard is the type that's specifically designed to be as jarring and annoying as possible. :P

I once got a question from someone and they ask me when I sleep how I dream and of course I dream in sign and they find this weird.

Sometime when I thinking when alone I sometimes will sign and that is the way I think as well and this is normal to me and my brother.

Well that makes sense to me.

[jason93]

Ah. Well no surprise sound isn't your favorite thing in the world then, if the only type you've heard is the type that's specifically designed to be as jarring and annoying as possible. :P

It really hurt my ears when a police, ambulance or fire truck drive past!

My younger brother cant hear siren though.

[Perseus]

The "I'm sorry" stuff is just natural, but I can see why you can be offended by it. You are proud of who you are, and you don't want to people to feel sad that you're deaf.

[lebowski]

i dont see why you would find that offensive. It is simply a phrase that people use to show that they care about you and your circumstances even a little bit. and it really isnt much like the race example you mentioned. because it isnt the difference people are expressing sorrow for - it is the impairment :)

[jason93]

i dont see why you would find that offensive. It is simply a phrase that people use to show that they care about you and your circumstances even a little bit. and it really isnt much like the race example you mentioned. because it isnt the difference people are expressing sorrow for - it is the impairment :)

What impairment?

I don't think I have impairment and that is my point.

[Sith Lord 13]

What impairment?

I don't think I have impairment and that is my point.

I understand where you're coming from. I have Asperger's Syndrome, a form of high functioning autism. When people find out, they usually say something along the lines of "I'm sorry" or, more commonly with the people I seem to meet, "Man, that's gotta suck." I simply tell them that, while it has its disadvantages, I am quite happy the way I am. However, just because I enjoy the way I am, and would not change, doesn't mean I'm not impaired in certain ways. I realize that my condition does impair me in relating to people and makes it harder to maintain friendships and relationships. In the same way, you must realize, that just because you do not desire hearing does not mean you're not impaired. A person with hearing can do all that you can do, and then can do things you cannot. Now, you enjoy being deaf and being a member of that culture. There is nothing wrong with that. But it is still an impairment, as you are limited by it. That doesn't mean you should let it limit your life, or feel bad about it, but you need to recognize it is what it is.

[jason93]

I understand where you're coming from. I have Asperger's Syndrome, a form of high functioning autism. When people find out, they usually say something along the lines of "I'm sorry" or, more commonly with the people I seem to meet, "Man, that's gotta suck." I simply tell them that, while it has its disadvantages, I am quite happy the way I am. However, just because I enjoy the way I am, and would not change, doesn't mean I'm not impaired in certain ways. I realize that my condition does impair me in relating to people and makes it harder to maintain friendships and relationships. In the same way, you must realize, that just because you do not desire hearing does not mean you're not impaired. A person with hearing can do all that you can do, and then can do things you cannot. Now, you enjoy being deaf and being a member of that culture. There is nothing wrong with that. But it is still an impairment, as you are limited by it. That doesn't mean you should let it limit your life, or feel bad about it, but you need to recognize it is what it is.

I understand that but equally can a hearing person do everything I do?

I doubt they have the visual abilities I have and the visual think that I have.

[Sith Lord 13]

I understand that but equally can a hearing person do everything I do?

I doubt they have the visual abilities I have and the visual think that I have.

Some may. There are some people who have all five senses, and still have an extremely acute sense of sight.

[jason93]

Some may. There are some people who have all five senses, and still have an extremely acute sense of sight.

No one is perfect so everyone is disabled and have ability in other thing.

But not hearing is not a disability because I hear with my eyes and talk with my hands.

[Sith Lord 13]

No one is perfect so everyone is disabled and have ability in other thing.

But not hearing is not a disability because I hear with my eyes and talk with my hands.

I can see how you would say it's not a disability. But it is an impairment. Just because you can compensate for something doesn't mean it isn't an impairment. You have a harder time communicating with the rest of society. Just because you've found ways around that doesn't mean it's the full experience. I'm not saying it's something to be ashamed of, or that you should want to change who you are. However, at the same time, it's incorrect to say you're not impaired. Like I said before, I'm in a somewhat similar position. I can compensate for my lack of social skills with above average intelligence but that doesn't mean I'm not still lacking social skills. Just because you can observe the world around you and communicate with people using your eyes and hands does not mean you can hear.

[jason93]

I can see how you would say it's not a disability. But it is an impairment. Just because you can compensate for something doesn't mean it isn't an impairment. You have a harder time communicating with the rest of society. Just because you've found ways around that doesn't mean it's the full experience. I'm not saying it's something to be ashamed of, or that you should want to change who you are. However, at the same time, it's incorrect to say you're not impaired. Like I said before, I'm in a somewhat similar position. I can compensate for my lack of social skills with above average intelligence but that doesn't mean I'm not still lacking social skills. Just because you can observe the world around you and communicate with people using your eyes and hands does not mean you can hear.

I not saying I can hear, what I saying is I don't need to hear and human don't need to hear to communicate.

Hearing is just another human condition which some people have.

Some people psychic and can see in future but not everyone need that to have a full experience.

[Sith Lord 13]

I not saying I can hear, what I saying is I don't need to hear and human don't need to hear to communicate.

Hearing is just another human condition which some people have.

Some people psychic and can see in future but not everyone need that to have a full experience.

Assuming psychic experiences are true, there is still a difference between a small minority being gifted and a talent the majority of humans share. There are also limitations with sight based communications that are not present in auditory ones, such as the ability to converse with someone on the other side of a wall, or who is standing behind you. You also cannot speak while doing manual tasks. It is also a disadvantage from a security standpoint, as you could not hear people sneaking up from behind you.

Again, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be happy the way you are, that you can't find ways to work around things, or that you should be seeking to gain hearing. Just that it is an impairment. That doesn't mean it's bad. It just means certain things are going to be harder for you, or require more effort. That most people are going to have advantages you don't.

[jason93]

Assuming psychic experiences are true, there is still a difference between a small minority being gifted and a talent the majority of humans share. There are also limitations with sight based communications that are not present in auditory ones, such as the ability to converse with someone on the other side of a wall, or who is standing behind you. You also cannot speak while doing manual tasks. It is also a disadvantage from a security standpoint, as you could not hear people sneaking up from behind you.

Again, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be happy the way you are, that you can't find ways to work around things, or that you should be seeking to gain hearing. Just that it is an impairment. That doesn't mean it's bad. It just means certain things are going to be harder for you, or require more effort. That most people are going to have advantages you don't.

I have friend who is hearing but has high functioning autism and he say he hate noise and I think he would prefer being deaf.

You got asperger syndrome does noise annoy you?

[Sith Lord 13]

You got asperger syndrome does noise annoy you?

Certain noises do, and I can also end up with a sensory overload, which gives me a horrible headache. However, at the same time, music is my passion. I can honestly say music kept me going at a time when nothing else could. It was my lifeline when everything else turned to shit.

[jason93]

Certain noises do, and I can also end up with a sensory overload, which gives me a horrible headache. However, at the same time, music is my passion. I can honestly say music kept me going at a time when nothing else could. It was my lifeline when everything else turned to shit.

My friend he hate music and just about all sound from what he tell me. I have taught him sign language and he is really excellent at it.

[CaptainObvious]

I not saying I can hear, what I saying is I don't need to hear and human don't need to hear to communicate.

Communication is not the only purpose of hearing.

All in all you're right, you don't need to hear. But necessity is not how we define what constitutes an impairment. For example, in today's world the prevalence of acommodations means that someone who is mobility-impaired (in a wheelchair or, like a colleague of mine, with a condition that impairs walking and requires a cane) doesn't need to walk - but that doesn't make their inability to walk anything other than an impairment.

I'll give you an example: how can a deaf person that cannot converse in spoken English safely drive a car and talk at the same time? They can't. Now, you may not ever need or want to perform that task. But the fact that you cannot constitutes an impairment regardless of that.

I think the part you need to get your head around is that just because something is an impairment doesn't mean it is horrible or will necessarily cause you to lead a less full life.

[chazzrox2]

I would make the same mistake, simple because i feel as if it has made your life harder.... even if your proud of it.
But i see what people mean when they compare it to a "Hi I'm gay" kinda comment, you didn't choose this for yourself it's part of who you are and you wouldn't be the same otherwise

[jason93]

Life only as hard as you make it.

Today I go to McDonald and ask for BigMac and I already have written on my mobile phone so no need to talk.