LoveMe_HateMe
August 20th, 2010, 04:30 PM
Hey, hey.
Not been on here in ages cause of work and holiday etc.
But I have gone so much downhill in the last month its not good. I've sort of started to smoke, cutting more, moods - I'll be in a good mood, something minor will annoy me...hello bad mood and depending where I am either a cigarette or SH to get me back into a good mood. On top of that my hand keeps shaking, my temper is really short - which links into my bad moods, I don't get to sleep really late - i'm surviving on about 4-5 hours sleep a night and that's not enough for me, i'm constantly tired, keep getting like hot and cold flushes went out the other day near this park/lake thing and I got majorly nervous/paranoid/scared, At work if i'm in the middle of the room and both sides are talking at once i get really....I don't know, anxious? NErvous? Can't think of the right word...
My thoughts inside my head scare me. I've had the odd time that I've thought about how I'd commit suicide...Not that I ever would - I don't think. The only thought that realy occupies my mind is either Cigarettes or S.H. And I realy couldn't care less about dying or not...And the fact i'm not scared of dying scares the shit out of me. I'm starting to get restless too. And worried. Worried about the future, people have been getting their A-LEvel results and been getting A's and B's and still not being able to get into uni... I know it's still another couple of yearws away from me but still... What if it doesn't get better? Oh and I'm getting my GCSE results next week. I really don't want them. I know I've done shit on them...
Anyway, enough ranting from me.. :/
And sorry I've not been on in ages. Feel really selfish for not having been on at al and like I'm just using this as a place to rant not a place to rant AND try to help people :/
Not been on here in ages cause of work and holiday etc.
But I have gone so much downhill in the last month its not good. I've sort of started to smoke, cutting more, moods - I'll be in a good mood, something minor will annoy me...hello bad mood and depending where I am either a cigarette or SH to get me back into a good mood. On top of that my hand keeps shaking, my temper is really short - which links into my bad moods, I don't get to sleep really late - i'm surviving on about 4-5 hours sleep a night and that's not enough for me, i'm constantly tired, keep getting like hot and cold flushes went out the other day near this park/lake thing and I got majorly nervous/paranoid/scared, At work if i'm in the middle of the room and both sides are talking at once i get really....I don't know, anxious? NErvous? Can't think of the right word...
My thoughts inside my head scare me. I've had the odd time that I've thought about how I'd commit suicide...Not that I ever would - I don't think. The only thought that realy occupies my mind is either Cigarettes or S.H. And I realy couldn't care less about dying or not...And the fact i'm not scared of dying scares the shit out of me. I'm starting to get restless too. And worried. Worried about the future, people have been getting their A-LEvel results and been getting A's and B's and still not being able to get into uni... I know it's still another couple of yearws away from me but still... What if it doesn't get better? Oh and I'm getting my GCSE results next week. I really don't want them. I know I've done shit on them...
Anyway, enough ranting from me.. :/
And sorry I've not been on in ages. Feel really selfish for not having been on at al and like I'm just using this as a place to rant not a place to rant AND try to help people :/