Strabismus...

[Spinder]

Goddamnit why, oh why, just why did I have to be born with this horrid curse? Why have modern medicine and doctors utterly failed to fix it? I went through 4 miserable and painful surgeries, to what end? The problem is still there. So was there even a point to going through all of that pain and suffering?

It's supposedly such a simple and common problem. So... why did that crotchety old bastard of an eye doctor I had royally screw it up 4 times?? Why do I still have it, when other kids have had the exact same problem and you don't see it because they fixed. So why couldn't the doctor fix me? Isn't that what doctors are supposed to do?

I've learned to keep it under control very well. Still, I'm bitter and extremely self conscious about it... it's been a long time since anyone has actually noticed it, or at least pointed it out, so I assume I am doing a good job of managing it... but I'm constantly paranoid and if anyone were to notice I would mortified... it makes me feel depressed and ugly and "defective" so to speak. :(

[Bougainvillea]

You should try a new surgeon. Because I don't he's equipped to handle a lazy eye. Which is apparently a common procedure. I think Lucy Lui even had one.

[Spinder]

I've asked my mom about it, but she says I'm too old for it now and it would either have no effect or would get worse. Might she be wrong? Is there still a chance I could get it fixed? :(

[Bougainvillea]

I'm not sure. Especially after that many procedures. The tissue around that area con only take so much.