okay, i don't know, i just really don't know

[bringmethecookies]

what the hell is up with me
(if i swear alot, i'm sorry, i need this out)

i started cutting when i was ten, because basically, everyone took the piss out of me all the fucking time. i've been cutting ever since.
when i started secondary school, everyone started calling me stuff like dirt, emo dog, fag. it made me feel so depressed, so.. angry. nearly everyone fucking hated me for nothing, or maybe, because i was myself? yeah, i fucking wear skinny jeans, all black, listen to stuff like bmth, alesana, and mcr. but don't fucking judge me :|

k went off topic, but when they started calling me this stuff, teasing me everyday, i cut deeper, and deeper. my sadness turned into anger, meaning i got into alot of fights and arguements at school, meaning i got isolations, and detentions.

other reasons i cut myself is because, my parents used to argue all the time. they stopped now, but i'm so scared they'll start again, and my dad will leave us again.. and cutting, has become so fucking addictive.

and i know i shouldn't but when i get really angry, i end up punching the wall. so i usually have really swollen knuckles :|

but, recently, i don't know why, but in my head, i keep having arguements with myself. i try to think of something else, but it keeps coming back, and back. theres just this voice in my head, and i try getting it out, it's just getting too much. i pull my hair, i feel like fucking bashing my head against the wall till i don't know, to get these voices out. i told my close friend, and she said i should see someone. but, i don't know. and i was clean of cutting for a week. but i cut all up my arm, and i'm scared, :/

please, please help me..

[georgiamay]

Cutting is addictive, that´s why most people find it really difficult to stop.
Don´t apologise for swearing, because it helps you get you´re feelings and stuff out, and you never need to apologise for your feelings.
I went through the same thing when i started secondary school, but it took me a year before a resorted to cutting myself. Please don´t feel like you´re alone with this, because you really aren´t.
There are so many people out there that self harm. Everyone on this forum knows what you´re going through, because they´re either going through it, or have been through it in the past.
Don´t be afraid to ask for help here, because we´re all here to support you if you need it.
Try and find something that releases all that anger that you feel that doesn´t involve hurting yourself. Maybe write everything down on a piece of paper and then rip it up into tiny pieces??
Or maybe wear an elastic band around your wrist and snap it when you feel like cutting.

I´m here for you if you ever need to talk, you can VM me or PM me anytime :) :hug:

[bringmethecookies]

Cutting is addictive, that´s why most people find it really difficult to stop.
Don´t apologise for swearing, because it helps you get you´re feelings and stuff out, and you never need to apologise for your feelings.
I went through the same thing when i started secondary school, but it took me a year before a resorted to cutting myself. Please don´t feel like you´re alone with this, because you really aren´t.
There are so many people out there that self harm. Everyone on this forum knows what you´re going through, because they´re either going through it, or have been through it in the past.
Don´t be afraid to ask for help here, because we´re all here to support you if you need it.
Try and find something that releases all that anger that you feel that doesn´t involve hurting yourself. Maybe write everything down on a piece of paper and then rip it up into tiny pieces??
Or maybe wear an elastic band around your wrist and snap it when you feel like cutting.

I´m here for you if you ever need to talk, you can VM me or PM me anytime :) :hug:

thanks for the advice, i'll try the paper ripping thing, and snapping the rubber band on my wrist. :]