Nature vs. Nurture....Were you born gay or is this a lifestyle choice?

[playa85]

Another post inspired this question, and I am honestly intrigued to see what all the gay/bi/curious guys on here have to say regarding this. If you come from a religious family or if you study the scriptures and believe in God, do you think you were born this way or that its a result of experiences and choices post birth?

[Captor K]

I'll answer your post the best I can, as clearly as I can make it.


Come from a religious family: Yes, Southern Baptist. Not very gay-friendly, and they believe gay is wrong.

Study the Scriptures: Yep. There's a fundamental difference between studying the Bible and reading it. I wasn't able to make peace with me being gay until I had done so. Most Christians that I see who are babbling about, "Read the Bible" act as if it's a simple story book. Sorry, but when it's the word of God, you need to approach it with an open-mind and analyze it. It's thousands of years old, where cultures and mindsets were entirely different from our 21st century sensibilities. My beef with the Bible - or rather the translators - is that there are hundreds of versions, all saying something different, and that in the past, there have been books left out of the Bible and others added for different purposes and reasons. Which one is the real word of God?

The staggering amount of Bible-thumping Christians who "read" the word of God, and then preach hate, discrimination, intolerance without understanding anything about what's happening, particularly in those "clobber" passages, alarm me. What's worse, they use God to defend their ignorance and hatred, while sweetly saying, "We love the sinner, but hate the 'sin.'" I always think about how Jesus describes these types of people as wolves in sheep's clothing - possibly well-meaning, but the destructive force of their words have devastated many. God can speak for Himself, so I don't understand why people feel the need they have to speak for Him. We're mortal and made of flesh. He's an immortal spiritual being; we can't even conceive the thoughts of God, let alone try to tell others what we think He said/wants. It implies we know God better than Himself.

Result of experiences: None that I am aware of, so I doubt it.

Choices: I certainly didn't sit there and consciously choose to be gay. I didn't want it, ya know? If there had been some magic pill many years ago that would have made me straight, then I'd have taken it. But not now. I have suffered through too much, and gained too much strength, love, courage, and compassion. I am still healing from the years of self-inflicted emotional and spiritual damage. Maybe I would have never gained those things if I were straight. I mean, I didn't fight against being gay all these years for nothing. I believe that if I had been born straight, I'd be a homophobic idiot with a grudge and hate against gays; thankfully, all of this has taught me that the world isn't a cozy, black and white little place we try to make it. Life's a bitch, and sometimes it's an even bigger bitch if you're gay.

Final note on this point: attraction is not a choice. You can't choose who you like or love. You can't force yourself either, else there would be no gay people. Through the years, I can't count how many girls (some 30+) I have tried to make myself like, love, or fall in love with. I have failed in every single attempt to do so. I like guys; I can't help liking guys; I'll go to my grave the same way.

Even if I married a woman and started a family, I'd still be gay. But I wouldn't do that to myself or to any woman. She deserves the utmost happiness, and to be with a man who is actually capable of loving her. I cannot. It's not in my nature; just like being gay isn't in the nature of straight people.

My sexual orientation is a fixed part of who I am, and only a small piece of me. I accept the fact that my gayness is a variation of human sexuality, and that being gay isn't always about sex. My love is still love, of no better or less value than a straight person's. Love is blind, it knows no gender, no sex, and it does not discriminate.

[playa85]

@ Captor,
I love it, and you for speaking with your heart! I have been and am going thru many of the same things as you...
I too have made it a lifelong pursuit to study the scriptures and have come to some very personal and individual decisions. May I share a few?
1. God loves each and every one of us.....gay, straight, bi, curious, or anything in between.
2. He has made us in HIS image. This I interpret to mean that Me being a guy or her being a girl is exactly what he wanted me to be....that it wasnt a choice. That individual gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
3. Hate is not in the lexicon of true Christians. Discriminating or bashing others because of their sexual orientation is wrong....
4. Choices make us who we are: I cannot imagine a loving, nurturing Father in Heaven who purposefully makes one of his children straight and the other gay. Especially when taking into account how hard, tramautic, painful, depressing, and even fatal it is to struggle with gender same gender attractions. He wouldnt burden one soul with that load while making another coast thru life without that struggle.
5. A deep analysis of early childhood and upbringing can and will help one understand why they are who they are. It is proven that influences since birth to 4 years are determinant factors in our overall identity.
6. Loving oneself is the among the greatest commandments and so is loving others.

Thank you for post Captor, I love your honesty...