LiTTleBrok3nDolly
August 14th, 2010, 03:30 PM
If your gonna talk bad to me about if i shouldnt be a certain way, then i wont respond to someone so heartless
I have cut my left arm for two years and less than a week ago first time i cut my right arm. I have symptoms of OCD. My room is tiny, so it has to be clean to feel big, im claustrophobic, but if i let myself clean to the point of satisfaction i get panicked and clean way to far and end up washing my hands for 15 minutes. Im depressed because when i was 3-6 my little brother and older sister stuffed me in plastic containers and put lid on it and put blankets on top of that and jumped and sat on me while i cried and literally suffocated. At 6 and three months we went to only family party and i was molested and raped by my uncle for half an hour, he also molested his sister (my mother) twice when she was 11. Hes a year older than her. Then when i went to public school i was physically beaten to the point where i put my moms makeup on to hit the bruises, and it hurt to take a bath bcs my vagina was sore from the punching, also verbal abuse, physical and verbal from when i was 8-10. My favorite Uncle Al died when i was being bullied, at 8 or 9. Then at 13 when i moved, going up to Oregon my dad go a call that my favorite aunt Cindy died (reminds me when i was 7 or 8 my moms oldest sister Karen came by and tried to kidnap my sister-movie with Dakota Fanning in it think its called Hide and Seek, scene when man comes through door and the dad closes it on his arm, EXACT scene from my house but with no blood) so at 13 i was left with a good dead uncle crappy alive uncle one dead good aunt and two crappy alive aunts. At 16, i remembered what happened at age 6 and then a month later what happened at 8-10. Ive had insomnia since i was 6, diagnosed with depression at 16, and PTSD. Then, last year around December my only good Grandma Joe died, leaving me with my moms mom who hides every bad emotion she has, ignored when my mom told her at 11 she was molested hasnt cried after two deaths of her husbands, and never calls us. In summary,
I dont let OCD symptoms control me, i cut, im depressed, have tics-severely, insomnia, PTSD, panic attacks, flash backs, agoraphobia, i can either me a 17 year old who wants independence or a 7 year old who wants to have fun.
Dont let the bad things in life control who you turn out to be. Theres people put there who may not be exactly like you but some of their story may be like yours. Everyone ive hear of either gets raped or bullied, NEVER both, but i listen and read those who have had similar experiences and i lend them advice and they give me some.
Relapsing doesnt make you a hypocrite. It just means you try and try again.
It doesnt matter how many times you fall down, only how many times you get back up.
It doesnt matter how far a bird flys only the song it sings
hiding the truth from others only means your silently hurting them
what others dont know can hurt them
Sleeping away your pain makes you weak, living through it makes you strong
I have cut my left arm for two years and less than a week ago first time i cut my right arm. I have symptoms of OCD. My room is tiny, so it has to be clean to feel big, im claustrophobic, but if i let myself clean to the point of satisfaction i get panicked and clean way to far and end up washing my hands for 15 minutes. Im depressed because when i was 3-6 my little brother and older sister stuffed me in plastic containers and put lid on it and put blankets on top of that and jumped and sat on me while i cried and literally suffocated. At 6 and three months we went to only family party and i was molested and raped by my uncle for half an hour, he also molested his sister (my mother) twice when she was 11. Hes a year older than her. Then when i went to public school i was physically beaten to the point where i put my moms makeup on to hit the bruises, and it hurt to take a bath bcs my vagina was sore from the punching, also verbal abuse, physical and verbal from when i was 8-10. My favorite Uncle Al died when i was being bullied, at 8 or 9. Then at 13 when i moved, going up to Oregon my dad go a call that my favorite aunt Cindy died (reminds me when i was 7 or 8 my moms oldest sister Karen came by and tried to kidnap my sister-movie with Dakota Fanning in it think its called Hide and Seek, scene when man comes through door and the dad closes it on his arm, EXACT scene from my house but with no blood) so at 13 i was left with a good dead uncle crappy alive uncle one dead good aunt and two crappy alive aunts. At 16, i remembered what happened at age 6 and then a month later what happened at 8-10. Ive had insomnia since i was 6, diagnosed with depression at 16, and PTSD. Then, last year around December my only good Grandma Joe died, leaving me with my moms mom who hides every bad emotion she has, ignored when my mom told her at 11 she was molested hasnt cried after two deaths of her husbands, and never calls us. In summary,
I dont let OCD symptoms control me, i cut, im depressed, have tics-severely, insomnia, PTSD, panic attacks, flash backs, agoraphobia, i can either me a 17 year old who wants independence or a 7 year old who wants to have fun.
Dont let the bad things in life control who you turn out to be. Theres people put there who may not be exactly like you but some of their story may be like yours. Everyone ive hear of either gets raped or bullied, NEVER both, but i listen and read those who have had similar experiences and i lend them advice and they give me some.
Relapsing doesnt make you a hypocrite. It just means you try and try again.
It doesnt matter how many times you fall down, only how many times you get back up.
It doesnt matter how far a bird flys only the song it sings
hiding the truth from others only means your silently hurting them
what others dont know can hurt them
Sleeping away your pain makes you weak, living through it makes you strong