Emotional attraction: What the funk does that mean?

[Hewhohasnoriches]

Alright, y'all. I keep hearing so many of you guys talking about emotional attraction. I'm suspecting that it could be love, but would anyone care to elaborate on it a bit. Like what sort of feeling am I supposed to feel?

I think I'm getting this a bit confused with friendship when thinking about my boys. I think I may have wanted that for a girl, but never found the right one, y'know? Like I've been thinking about having someone I could love and be with, but there's never been a chance for me to explore that thought.

My sudden sexual curiousness has tripped things up even more now; it makes me a bit worried about not liking girls.

Anyway, this emotional attraction, anyone care to explain it? Please? With a cherry on top?

EDIT: LOL, sorry if I sound a little clueless in my post. But it's just something that's been on my mind lately.

[nick]

Yes, it means could you fall in love with someone. When guys talk about being curious it means they might like to fool around a bit with another guy but cant imagine dating one or setting up home together. But if you're bi or gay you could actually love another guy and want to live with him.

[Hewhohasnoriches]

I see... I guess either I really am attracted to guys emotional or I just haven't found the right girl yet.

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

Frankly, I don't get it either. Basically, it is love, I guess it's supposed to be the ability to fall in love with a gender. People claim it has something to do with sexuality, but since when has someone's gender had to do with how you're attracted to them on an emotional or mental level? As far as I'm concerned there is going to be a person you're going to love on a emotional and mental level, disregarding their physical appearance, including gender. A personality is NOT dependant on their sex, so as I said before this entire idea of "not being emotionally attracted to boy/girls" doesn't really make any logical sense to me.

[XpopularX]

It means when u care or have deep feeling for tht person but u could never have sex with them. Its really the point between sex and feelings.

[Captor K]

Emotional attraction is like saying rainbows are made of glitter. Just doesn't make any damn sense.

When it has to do with sexual attraction (sexuality), what gives you a boner matters most. Emotions can give you all kinds of mixed signals. "Ooooh, she's pretty. I think I'm in love now." Or. "Oooh, he's pretty, I think I'm in love now." Or. "Ooooh, that's a nice stove. I think I'm in love now." As far as I'm concerned, trying to tie emotions into sexual attraction (sexuality) is a bit like mixing oil and water. You can still get turned on by someone without emotional attraction EVER being a factor. *rant rant rant*

The reason I always stress that sexual attraction ten times more important than emotional attraction is that the penis doesn't lie. It knows what it likes. If it gets hard at the sight of a naked woman, the person's straight; if it's a naked guy, the person's gay; if it's hard at the sight of both, the person's bi. And that is just the mild way of putting it. Emotions are a distant second in sexuality, and is not the sole, nor the foremost factor in helping determining and define your sexual identity! I don't hear people walking around calling themselves "homoemotional" or "heteroemotional" or some poppycock like that. When you have discovered what kind of person gets you turned on, THEN emotional attraction may or may NOT have a role from that point on.

To further argue my point that emotional attraction is complete bullshit, I present the fact that most of us know people who have sex without emotions having anything to do with it. Most of us know guys and girls who sleep around with anyone and anything, and don't form any sort of emotional bond. I'm gay, and a few months ago, I had a girl from school (who I'm hardly acquainted with, and never really spoken to), offer me sex over Facebook chat of all things. How classy. It wasn't even a crush. She did this ONLY after hearing that I wrote sex stories, and because she always wanted a "big black dick." *eyeroll* Where's the emotional attraction in that? I see none. There are people all around us having sex without any interest in emotional bonding. Most of them may show no desire in forming anything beyond a casual relationship, if that. You don't always have sex, then fall in love. Likewise, you don't always fall in love, then have sex. Many emotional attractions are, on their own, platonic. You can have an emotional attraction without sexual attraction, but without sexual attraction, those emotions mean squat when you're trying to figure out how to label yourself (if you want to at all).

*sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex*

/end rant

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

lol too long didn't read :D
XD
just kidding.
But uhh, Captor K, I agree that sexual and emotional attraction are seperate, but when you say most emotional attractions are platonic, are you implying that you can't be in love with someone, but also be physically attracted to them?

[Hewhohasnoriches]

Hmm... I think Captor K does make a good point. I mean, you could have friends that you're emotionally close to, but I don't think that it necessarily means you're gay for those friends. You wouldn't be gay if you had friends that you were really cool with; those kinds that you share you're secrets with and whatnot.

You guys mentioned love being a factor, but for what reason who someone love another? Maybe because of their attitudes, or understandings, or personalities, or what they stand for. But those factors aren't exclusively attributed to GF's/BF's/spouses/fiances.

I guess I'm agreeing with Captor K then. You could really enjoy the personality of a person, and be close to them, but perhaps there needs to be some sort of sexual force along with it. I'm just trying to figure out how "emotional attraction" could be a factor into keeping couples together.

Somehow I think that I just haven't found the right person (in my case, girl) yet. However, I also think I'm in the "curious" phase.

Though I've thought about being with a girl and being her man and all, thinking that I love her, I don't think I've really gotten to know what emotional attraction feels like for one because I've never really converse with them. I typically hang out with guys.

[Captor K]

lol too long didn't read :D
XD
just kidding.
But uhh, Captor K, I agree that sexual and emotional attraction are seperate, but when you say most emotional attractions are platonic, are you implying that you can't be in love with someone, but also be physically attracted to them?

Wording of that question is a little off, but I think I get what you're asking.

Generally, what I'm saying is that you don't always have to be emotionally attracted to someone to be physically attracted to them. If you're in love with someone, wouldn't that pretty much make you physically attracted to them as we1l? I would think so, yes, else would you really be in love? I'm not arguing the fact that our feelings, or our love, does NOT help shape our physical attraction; I'm arguing against the idea that physical attraction is always based on emotional attraction. I've noticed that when a teenager comes on here, confused about their orientation, many people duck and dodge the "sex" part and give them some watered-down blah like, "Oh, orientation isn't based on sexual attraction, it's based on emotions."

Excuse me, but what the hell? Let's not call it sexual orientation, then. Let's call it emotional orientation. Just spend some time reading older threads on here. You'll see what I'm talking about.

If you see a hot guy or girl for the first time, do you think, "Oh my God, I love him/her so much, I can't live without him/her! My emotions and feelings are now so incredibly strong for this person I just met five minutes ago!"

Or do you think more along the lines of, "Damn, he/she is hot. Wish I could tap."?

Sometimes feelings are present, but I'd say most of the time they aren't. Once you've established the fact that someone sexually excites you in one way or another, then you may go and try to pursue a relationship of some sort with them. Then non-lusty feelings, in my God-honest opinion, start to form, then that's when you get all your emotional attractions and stuff, that "we just clicked" feeling.

Boner first; feelings second. Sounds pretty blunt, but that's how I see it. People who are always saying sexual orientation is "emotions, emotions, and more emotions" seem to overlook the fact that sex plays a vastly more dominant role than emotions do.

--I also acknowledge the fact that a majority of boys (and girls?) are curious during puberty and want to, and do, experiment. How much of that experimentation is based on sexual feelings, and how much is based on emotional ones? Sometimes sexual experimentation helps form a closer EMOTIONAL bond; or at other times, it could end the friendship. But would you agree that curiosity and experimenting are a result of sexual desire?

I, myself, am practically done with puberty, but I retain sexual curiosity about girls (cunnilingus mostly). However, as interesting as I find oral sex on women, I cannot, for the life of me, get aroused by it (lesbian porn has failed me, damn you!). I only get sexually attracted to men, and when I see a man I like, emotional attraction may or may not have something to do with whether or not I will try to know the guy. I know people who do not even allow their emotions to dictate them entering a relationship or sexual encounter, because they may be afraid of getting hurt (again) or getting too close.

Did I start ranting again? Oh, damnit. I need my coffee. >.>

[TheFame]

Emotional attraction is like saying rainbows are made of glitter. Just doesn't make any damn sense.

When it has to do with sexual attraction (sexuality), what gives you a boner matters most. Emotions can give you all kinds of mixed signals. "Ooooh, she's pretty. I think I'm in love now." Or. "Oooh, he's pretty, I think I'm in love now." Or. "Ooooh, that's a nice stove. I think I'm in love now." As far as I'm concerned, trying to tie emotions into sexual attraction (sexuality) is a bit like mixing oil and water. You can still get turned on by someone without emotional attraction EVER being a factor. *rant rant rant*

The reason I always stress that sexual attraction ten times more important than emotional attraction is that the penis doesn't lie. It knows what it likes. If it gets hard at the sight of a naked woman, the person's straight; if it's a naked guy, the person's gay; if it's hard at the sight of both, the person's bi. And that is just the mild way of putting it. Emotions are a distant second in sexuality, and is not the sole, nor the foremost factor in helping determining and define your sexual identity! I don't hear people walking around calling themselves "homoemotional" or "heteroemotional" or some poppycock like that. When you have discovered what kind of person gets you turned on, THEN emotional attraction may or may NOT have a role from that point on.

To further argue my point that emotional attraction is complete bullshit, I present the fact that most of us know people who have sex without emotions having anything to do with it. Most of us know guys and girls who sleep around with anyone and anything, and don't form any sort of emotional bond. I'm gay, and a few months ago, I had a girl from school (who I'm hardly acquainted with, and never really spoken to), offer me sex over Facebook chat of all things. How classy. It wasn't even a crush. She did this ONLY after hearing that I wrote sex stories, and because she always wanted a "big black dick." *eyeroll* Where's the emotional attraction in that? I see none. There are people all around us having sex without any interest in emotional bonding. Most of them may show no desire in forming anything beyond a casual relationship, if that. You don't always have sex, then fall in love. Likewise, you don't always fall in love, then have sex. Many emotional attractions are, on their own, platonic. You can have an emotional attraction without sexual attraction, but without sexual attraction, those emotions mean squat when you're trying to figure out how to label yourself (if you want to at all).

*sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex*

/end rant


I have to say you have been the most helpfull person with sexuallity like..ever!

[Captor K]

I have to say you have been the most helpfull person with sexuallity like..ever!


I'm flattered. I think you give me too much credit. :eek:

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

Well Captor K, it seems we have similar views on this subject.
^__^
Rants are nice, fun to read.
...
though your bluntness is rather..... well, true XD