im proud of myself

[welcome_to_chaos]

ok so heres the bottom line. i dated this guy for like 3 mts and then i broke up w him for the guy im dating now who ive been with for almost 8 mts. well when i was going out with he he was very abusive verbaly and well it was bad. I even ended up cheating on my current bf with him. yes my cbf knows, but anyways im not suppoed to be talking to him because of that. However today, the obf texted me and so we talked for a few hra then he asked me for some topless shots..and after a long convo i said no and then he was like "well gn then". So here i am..im proud of myself for saying no,but idk if i should tell my bf about it cuz they absolutly hate each other and i dont want the old bf to get hurt.

[JayTea]

Happy you said no :). Well, depends on the way your current boy friend reacts to things. If you think he would act violently to your old boy friend then I would tell him lightly, and still making it clear that you said no to him.

[Captor K]

Is it really a good idea that you are still talking to the old boyfriend? You should be very careful, because doing so could have negative consequences. He might try to worm his way back in your life. I can understand it if you simply wish to remain friends with him, but keep your distance. Keeping your distance includes how long and how frequently you talk to him. The last thing you want to do is arouse suspicion and jealousy with your current boyfriend.

I also give you kudos for NOT taking topless pics. I strongly advise never doing this. Suppose you HAD taken topless pics, and the old boyfriend got pissed with you for some reason or other, he could take your pictures and do who knows what with them. They would most likely go viral, or he could send them to your friends, or family, or anyone! These things have a habit of coming back to haunt you. If he wants a racy picture of you, send him one of you dressed as a Catholic nun! You get my point, right?

I understand you may care about your old boyfriend (and his feelings), but your loyalty is with your current boyfriend. If the current guy is likely to go berserk and mutilate the old boyfriend, perhaps you should wait a while before you tell. The last thing you want is a violent escalation. Ultimately, whether you tell or not is up to you.

You should set boundaries — clearly and firmly — between you and your old boyfriend by telling him not to make inappropriate requests and because you are in a relationship. If you don't set limitations, people are bound to get hurt. If old boyfriend can't respect your wishes, you need to cut him loose immediately.

Again, good job on doing what is right. You look like a nice and respectful girl, keep it as such.

[Art_dude]

Props to the posts above.

Why you cheated on your current boyfriend with a verbally abusive ex, I have NO idea. But the fact is it happened, you're human, and it seems like after he asked for those pictures, you learned your lesson and realized what an ass hole he is. Whether or not to tell your current boyfriend... I don't know. I think on the one hand you should be upfront and admit what happened. But on the other hand, if he really feels such vitriol for your ex, to the extent he may hurt him, it's not worth mentioning for the sake of your ex's safety. You need to decide how serious this is to your boyfriend and how he will react. You sure as hell know him better than us lol.

And just on a separate note (and I don't mean this to sound like a judgement or as self righteous) but a REAL man knows when violence is necessary and when it isn't. If he would harm your ex despite your consensual actions, just to prove a point, his macho attitude isn't worth your time.