Scared of trusting friends

[KillerKing]

I feel i need to get this off my chest badly becuase i want to know who else feels like me or can relate to it.

Since primary school, i always had my best friends, there were about 5 - 7 of them who i could trust with anything whether it came to little secrets or just depending on them. When we all went into highschool most of us got split up due to going to different schools and I retained about 2 of them. I was a total prik to one which is my biggest regret of my life so far and the other dirfted away. Of course i made more friends and i was under the impression some were my best friends but i realise now (now i've left school but going back for 6th form) that i could never put my trust in them. When they're other friends told them secrets i saw how easy it was to make them talk and it scared me because if I could do it and I was there best friend then there was no doubt that others could. Which meant if I told them anything others would find out easily. And so for these past 4 years i've kept many things about me bottled up inside me. People think they know me but they only know the surface. They have no idea who the real me is. Whenever they asked real personal question all they got was lies or a quick subject change so i could avoid revealing the truth about me. I've got 2 "besties" now which i mentioned in another post. I'm really starting to trust the one but not that much and I'm not sure about the other.

I think my point is I have no friends who I can say what I like to and they would understand. For example the fact that I'm bi, I used to have crushes on them. I just want to be able to say those things without them questioning it or without spreading it around the whole school. (Pretty small school rumours pass easily). And, I don't think I'll ever find them. VT is really the only place i can reveal my real feelings towards people and other things but it's not what i choose to do. It's because i've got no where else to go.

Don't get me wrong, you guys are awesome and i wish i could know each one of you individually because frankly it seems like you would be the bestest friends anyone could have but I can't. And every day I feel like years worth of information about me and my life have built up because i've had no one to tell it to but you guys.

So now i need your help, what would/do you do in a situation like mine.

[CaliKid24]

I'm going through the same problem as u. I felt like that and I finally trusted someone and told him I was bi, and he told the skool. But now I trusted one of my friends and he is trustworthy and won't say anything. But he doesn't understand. I rely on VT too. Try finding some friends that u can trust. If u need anything pm me.

[JOSEE]

find ur self a good christian friend they are usally always there, but we christains are NOT perfect

[The Red Devil]

I feel the same as you, however I have found that no mtter who they, you cant trust anyone with your secrets. Sooner or later the secrets you have confided with them will be spread. Even if the person you tell tells another one of the friends in your group of close friends, they will all know sooner or later.

I guess some things are 'secrets' for a reason. you really cant tell people secrets because they wont stay secrets forever unless you keep them to yourself. Either learn to live with them, or else talk to someone about them and be prepared for your secrets to be spread everywhere.

[jemima.harris]

I have also scar for trusting friends becasue many of the times this is happened with me that I told everything or say share everything with my friend and after that he or she has spreaded my secret in front of non trustable person. At that time I felt so bad. This happen with me not only one time but three times so that now I don't not share my secret to anyone.

[justalovestruckteen]

I use to be like that,
I didn't trust anyone,including my parents and adults,
which is dangerous cause in an emergency I might not listen,
than one day I got a friend, that was unlike any of my other friends,(and still is)
and I learn to trust again,

[sophialara]

Yes, i do scared of trusting friends because sometimes it happens that they break our string of trust and reveal the secrets which must not be shared to the others.

[DarkHorses]

I know just how you feel. It's really hard to trust people, especially when you have certain secrets about you that you wouldn't be too keen on people finding out. It's taken me a long time to have someone I know I could trust, and sometimes I'm still not sure I can. I've had a lot of friends who hurt me and broke my trust, and it gets hard to trust again. It's a constant battle.

The thing is that trust has to be earned. You don't know instantly that you can suddenly trust someone. Sometimes you end up trusting someone you never thought that you would. I would give your best friends a second chance, get to know them a little bit more and see if they share any of their secrets with you. If you still feel uncomfortable with your friends, maybe they aren't the right friends for you. Try to meet some new people at your school and see how they are.

I think eventually you know in your gut who to trust and who not to. Just follow your gut. I know that sounds stupid, but it's what has worked for me after getting screwed over by friends so many times. Eventually you will meet a set of friends who know deep down you can trust. And who knows, they may even be the two friends you already have.

Good luck. :) *Hugs*

[steve1234]

I'm 18 and ive learnt not to worry about friends so much.

I had a fairly large friend group, but almost all of them broke my trust and were useless friends. There are only two friends I actually trust now.

I'm not really sure what i'm trying to say really. Just don't think that its important to have loads of friends, you don't have to trust everyone.
Also, the people who have very large friend groups and look like they are very popular may only have a couple of friends which they can truly trust.