My First Time Ever

[Janitor3]

I started cutting around 3 days ago. I used a blade that I broke out of a disposable razor. I made two fine but what I would consider to be deep cuts across the top of my Left wrist(I'm left handed) but used my right hand to cut myself. This was my first time.

The Next day 2 days ago I made some more cuts this time on my right arm using my left hand, using the same blade I made a bunch of random jagged cuts on the underside of my forearm. Imagine a really really feral cat attacking you in the one spot without moving your arm for about a minute. These latest cuts were much shorter but deeper again and random. They were also made without as much thought put in so they're not straight ect.

Today I made some more much smaller cuts in the same area as the second lot they will heal and leave no trace soon as they were made so shallow.

I don't know really know what triggers me to start cutting and its not the deepness or length of the cuts that is scaring me but how regularly I do it. I started cutting three days ago and have cut every single day since. Is this considered normal? do most people who self harm cut everyday or just when they are upset? I'm new to this so sorry.

Also the second thing that scars me is I don't really want to stop in fact I feel almost a little disappointed in myself that I was unable to continue cutting myself the way I did the first two times on my third attempt. I'm not looking to stop even though I know its bad I'm looking to improve my cutting almost make it worse.

Also my last point is I'm not looking for attention from my friends at school or anything they don't know and everything my life is relativity ok I come from a wealthy family a good family you could say I go to a very expensive all boys school and never get bullied ect nobody at my school does the teachers kick them out instantly. However I do put myself under allot of pressure to get very high grades because I want to be a doctor when I'm older next year I'm leaving school (year 12 Australia) so I'll have to start uni.

Anyway I'm rambling so please answer my questions and I'm not really looking to stop. And on a side note Cutting really hurts I feel the pain after I have cut unlike some of you I feel it all but I don't mind it.

[misery_business]

please just stop now while you can! You really don't want to, you will ruin your life and it will ruin you! It's not worth it please just stop beofre its too late!

[Azunite]

Agreed with misery, seriously don't do it!

[georgiamay]

Stop now, before you can't. If you keep going, you could quite easily get addicted, and that is the worst feeling in the world, and it is so hard to get out of. Believe me, i've been there. If you carry on, you'll start to live in a constant state of shame, and you can forget about going swimming, or wearing short sleeves. Trust me, it really isn't worth it.

Try to stop, and if you need any help, you can VM me, i'll try to help in whatever way i can.

[celine93]

I'm sorry- you actually want what from this thread? No one on here is going to encourage you in any way shape or form. This is a serious illness. People on this forum, myself included, have had their whole lives ruined because of this thing.
This thing that you can stop now and forget you ever did it.
Self harming doesn't just hurt and damage the skin, it damages you as a person. It takes away your personality and all that's left is this ashamed, addicted embarrassed person. It moulds you into something you won't want to be.
I can't stress enough how much you need to stop.
I have one regret in my life and that is the first time I picked up a razor.
Don't let it be yours.

Feel free to VM or PM me or anyone on this here, we're all here to help and we're living proof that this is something you don't wanna mess with.
Take care,
Kate

[ChrisPirillo]

Simple answer: STOP CUTTING YOURSELF. It is illogical and is only hurting yourself. And, as seeing that you are striving to be a doctor, why would you purposely attempt to hurt yourself and increase your chances at contracting a disease?

[Chill_dude]

Stop cutting yourself put a rubberband on your wrists and snap it everytime you want to cut it helps trust me! ive never cut myself before but sometimes when i used to think about it i took a rubberband and snaped my self

[Janitor3]

I'm sorry- you actually want what from this thread? No one on here is going to encourage you in any way shape or form.

IDK, Common sense I guess. What I have gotten from this thread is good.

put a rubberband on your wrists and snap it everytime you want to cut it helps trust me!

Thank you for some useful information- I used to hold onto ice before I did this. Holding on to it really really tightly could be quite painful and sorta had the same effect I guess.

There's somthing visual about blood.


UPDATE:

Today I didn't cut because of you guys although somthing bad happened I have to say the rubber band was a waste of time helping me do this. Instead I ran hot water and put my hand under that. Sounds bad but our water is not all that hot while it painful there's no lasting effect.

THIS WAS NOT BOILING water it was simply water from the tap turn onto hot ~60-70 I'm guessing still smoking hot but not to the point were I would burn myself.

Still looking for alternatives for cutting I guess. Ice isn't working any more rubber band is not really that good and hot water I think is causing more damage then me cutting.

Finally the cuts i have made have sorta heald the first two days are still there the 3rd day has gone away though. I can see that the first two days MIGHT leave very faint scars sorta I might be imagining it though.

Also I find it helpful just to tell people so even if I stop getting replys I might update this post every now and again.

[1_21Guns]

I started cutting around 3 days ago. I used a blade that I broke out of a disposable razor. I made two fine but what I would consider to be deep cuts across the top of my Left wrist(I'm left handed) but used my right hand to cut myself. This was my first time.

first off, quit while your ahead. trust me, it gets harder the longer you let it carry on. might seem like "nothing" now, and you can just stop when you want, but it's not that simple. that's the trap so many fall into.

I don't know really know what triggers me to start cutting and its not the deepness or length of the cuts that is scaring me but how regularly I do it. I started cutting three days ago and have cut every single day since. Is this considered normal? do most people who self harm cut everyday or just when they are upset? I'm new to this so sorry.

so what your doing scares you? stop then, use the fear to your advantage, think about the worst possible scenario, and what it could do to you and those around you. and as for that, it depends, once your hooked on it, anything becomes a reason, so most of the time people do find themselves doing it every day. but it just depends on the person and the situation they're in.

Also the second thing that scars me is I don't really want to stop in fact I feel almost a little disappointed in myself that I was unable to continue cutting myself the way I did the first two times on my third attempt. I'm not looking to stop even though I know its bad I'm looking to improve my cutting almost make it worse.

you do want to stop somewhat, or you wouldn't really have made this post and said how what your doing scares you. it's adrenaline, it's a rush, it makes you feel better, it makes you feel better. but it's not worth the scars. never will be. there's better ways to get a kick than this.

Also my last point is I'm not looking for attention from my friends at school or anything they don't know and everything my life is relativity ok I come from a wealthy family a good family you could say I go to a very expensive all boys school and never get bullied ect nobody at my school does the teachers kick them out instantly. However I do put myself under allot of pressure to get very high grades because I want to be a doctor when I'm older next year I'm leaving school (year 12 Australia) so I'll have to start uni.

nobody said you were hun, but you need to stop this now. studies get even harder when you have the idea of cutting spinning round your head all the time. you have a great future ahead of you, don't let this destroy it.

good luck hun. :hug:

[welcome_to_chaos]

stop while u still can....trust us when we sayu will cut more and more... the cuts will get deeper..u will feel more ashamed than ever..u will slowly start to push everyone away because ur afraid that they might see..ull avoid wearing short sleaves and ull not be able to go to the beach or go swimming. ull live ur life worring that someone might find out about this. ull start to love the feeling u get and love to see blood. ull become addicted to the pain. ull end up spending lots of money on medical supplies and razor blades...stop while u still can. trust me as someone experianced in this

[Janitor3]

Whoa! I just read my post again and I think some of you are reading it the wrong way. I didn't really select my words with as much care as I should have.

I DO NOT WANT TO CUT MYSELF! at all in anyway it scares me. When I said I wanted it to get worse I mean almost part of me wants to do it and wants to cut really badly and hurt myself and WANTS to do that but I don't want to hurt myself! its just part of me feels that way.

Its hard for me to explain.... But in no way shape or form of the word do I want to be worse its just part of me wants to do it the stupid drama queen part I guess.

I'm looking for an alternative in the last few days I cut once like one small cut and then stopped straight away when I realised what I was doing I think you are helping.

Like I want to stop but its like I want to cut at the same time :? I really hope someone is able to follow that.

Also I think my second lot of cuts might have been worse then I first thought they aren't healing that well.

[misery_business]

Lachy, I think thats the addiction talking maybe you've become addicted.
Here's a link that might give you some advice, i read through some of it and i think it can kinda help you.. http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Cutting-Yourself

[Janitor3]

god this looks attention seeking....

Right now while surfing this website and thinking what a bad idea it would be to cut myself I cut myself.

On the bright side though the first two times were WAY WAY worse like out of this world worse this was just a neat little cut down. I think I know whats making me do it though just a messed up relationship with my family and somebody I like.

I just feel like my family is never there for me at all. Mum and dad have split up I NEVER see my dad I don't look upto him I think hes a complete ass wipe but he was always there for me but now hes just sort of absent and is often overseas and if hes in australia hes always flying around to meet people or doing somthing thats like really really important to somone...

Mum seems to just not really care that much, we never talk; not that I talked to my dad but he was there. I live with mum but she is never home always always working or I'm at school when she is home I go to a boarding school so I'm often not home as well.

Anyway, if anybody on here knows about school terms in Australia my school has different uniforms for different times of the year and depending on what sports your playing after school we have other uniforms again I own 3 just to attend at my school and I don't even do sport ffs basicly right now we are in winter uniform and my arm is all scratched up SO I HAVE HAVE HAVE LIEK sWEET BLOODY JESus got to stop this before summer uniform comes in! our shirt changes to short sleeves instead of long and I DON"T think thats going to work out I mena I don't expect people to care about my arms if they are scratched and they go away but eventually people will notice but omg if the cuts just keep getting more and more then I don;'t know how I'd be able to get through summer. Sorry I'm just stressing out about everything at the moment

also I think I'm going to leave scars from the first time coz my arm is not healing the way it should be

[Janitor3]

Also my parents are there for me but we just never talk like never so this would be impossible to talk about....


For example my parents wouldn't help me with my homework instead they would get pay for a one on one tutor to help me after school thats just what they are like they always pass things on to someone else IDK its just how I feel. :(

I'm reading about everything you guys are talking about I think I have a plan of action though.

I also have a nail biting problem its not that bad but you can notice it. :whoops:the reason I'm about to have it as not that bad is because people can see it and I'm really embarrassed about it I still do it and its really bad but I think that if I just move my cutting off of my arms and move it to like my stomach or hip and just keep it private it would allow me to deal with summer plus this would allow me to not get so stressed out about it and would lead me to cutting more freely and way worse.

if I try to keep the cutting sorta some place that people can see it might not get that bad and I won't be tempted to cut.

Thing is I always where long sleeves when I go out with friends.

anyway I'm sorta half talking to myself but know that I'm reading all of your comments twice to get everything out of them. :) :):)

I love you guys even if you don't reply back to me I still love you because talking about it and thinking that someone is reading this sorta makes me not want to cut.

New Idea! when ever i feel like cutting I'll do

A) call a friend.
B) Post a really really long post here.....

IDK I hope that works.

sorry this is long but every second I spend typing is annother second that I won't do somthign really stupid.

[REGRET]

I just gotta say, I know how you feel.
My life is totally okay too. A good family, never any family problems, but I just deal with a lot of mental pain for some reason.

My only advice is: try to stop now, before you become really addicted.

[smile]

I agree with everyone please stop now before it is too late. Ive found that when don't want to stop we can, but when we want to stop we cant. At some point you will want to stop, stop now before its near impossible to do so.

Also can i ask what made you switch from ice to cutting?

[misery_business]

I love you guys even if you don't reply back to me I still love you because talking about it and thinking that someone is reading this sorta makes me not want to cut.

New Idea! when ever i feel like cutting I'll do

A) call a friend.
B) Post a really really long post here.....

IDK I hope that works.


aaaw we love you too lol :P anyways..

It's a good think your trying to distract your self, and you can talk to any of us anytime, and here's something to keep you busy and might help you :D



Alternatives to cutting by distracting yourself until the urge of cutting passes:

• Talk to a friend (about something that won't upset you).

• Go for a walk or go on a bike ride.

• Play with your pet or take them for a walk.

• Watch TV (watch something that holds your interest and not upset you).

• Read a good book.

• Work on a puzzle.

• Play a musical instrument.

Alternatives to cutting by calming yourself:

• Listen to soothing music.

• Do breathing exercises

•sit comfortably
•close your eyes
•inhale slowly through your nose (using your stomach and not your chest)
•hold your breath for 3-5 seconds
•slowly exhale from your mouth
•do this about 5 times.
• Close your eyes and picture yourself somewhere peaceful.

• Curl up in bed with your pet or a warm cup of cocoa.

Alternatives to cutting by expressing your emotions:

• Write down your feelings.

• Compose poetry or a song.

• Draw or paint.

Alternatives to cutting by releasing tension:

• Turn on some music and dance (using fast movements).

• Go for a run or shoot some hoops.

• Scribble (use a red color on white paper).

• Rip up paper.

• Squeeze a ball or some Play-Doh.

• Punch a pillow

ooh and i think throwing pillows at the wall angrily works really good thats what I do all the time :)
Good luck !!

[xlovexkurtx]

Stop while you can! If you're starting out cutting every day with a razorblade, imagine where you will be in a few years. Dead, probably, from accidentally cutting too deep. Read this, it's called the cutting warning label, I wish I read it before I started.

WARNING
....before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily ...they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal!!! And years for the scars to fade! IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again...it will spread when you run out of skin. Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.

[xlovexkurtx]

This is the warning continued:

Cutting warning label....

WARNING
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you freak out because the blood won't stop...and you are gaping....and you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone...praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again...But you will and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20 , 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly strips...3 or four different kinds of dressings...betadine....antibiotic cream..medical tape..scar reducers.....You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands , boots... gloves..the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a differnent way...Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You wont even think about it ..as your eyes scan their wrists arms...hoping just hoping they will be like you....But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood..Scrubbing your bathroom floor...wiping the blood of your keyboard....
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergancies. When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch. Beacuase you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting...you will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting...at the same time you love it and can not live with out of it.

you have been warned.....

[Janitor3]

Also can i ask what made you switch from ice to cutting?
I don't really know why I started cutting to begin with or why I even started hurting myself but a long time ago like over a year now I started thinking about cutting but there was a website that suggested a rubber band or Ice instead so I used ice for a bit but I guess it just stopped working.


Alternatives to cutting by distracting yourself until the urge of cutting passes:
*List Removed Just to make post shorter*
ooh and i think throwing pillows at the wall angrily works really good thats what I do all the time :)
Good luck !!

Thank you very much for this list! I'll try everything on it I don't feel really upset when I cut more just a little bit down not really upset like crying ect so I think detracting myself will be best. Normally I just try to do my homework/study.



WARNING
.......
.......

Thanks for the warning I don't want to end up like that. :eek: your warning should pull me through for a day or so and I'll try reading it often.

I just gotta say, I know how you feel.
My life is totally okay too. A good family, never any family problems, but I just deal with a lot of mental pain for some reason.

Yeah I don't know what it is... I do have some family problems like I feel very ignored in my family but I've never been abused ect I'm on the good side I guess I go to a nice school have nice friends but I'm still just down all the time.

Thanks for your help guys.

[HeroesAndCons]

STOP WHILE YOU CAN many people cant even last a day w/o cutting im recovering and its a beach to get out of
your digging a hole and you may not get out dome lucky ones can but its hard

you need to get help and we will NOT encourage self harm in any way shape or form

this is a thread about lives of self harmers and people who been/are going through it to help eachother

[Love.Hate]

Please, do yourself a favour and stop now.
It will only get worse.
Then you will hate yourself.
And everyday you will wonder what it would be like to be "normal" again.
Everyones right, once you start its hard to stop, so the quicker you overcome it
the better off you will be in the long run. im Always here if you need to talk xx

[publicsecrets]

I know exactly how you feel. I used to be proud of how many cuts I could achieve in a night, and now I've found myself relying on cutting to get through even little problems. Please stop while it's easy.