Screaming On The Inside

[ForgetMeNot]

I want to scream so loud, I want to cry so hard.

But I can't do either, I feel so trapped and isolated, all I want is this one thing and I'm to weak to even do it. I am fighting myself, and I know in the end I will loose, for some stupid reason life still wants me here.

I am nothing but a stupid, useless person. No one likes me, when I come home and go on the computer the only person who talks to me is my boyfriend.

I just wish I felt happy and I wish I never was me.

Most of all, I wish I didn't exist.

I want to forget you, I want to forget me.

I want to forget the last 6 hours, the last 6 hours that I ruined, I jsut hate me to much to want to do this much longer. The longer I stay the heavier my heart feels.

....

[Azunite]

When I come home, the only thing I do is to settle upon my desk and play PS3 with my right hand and use the computer with my left hand while I use my PSP with my feet, know what I mean?
I feel stupid and useless too when I do nothing, or my friends accomplish anything by themselves.
I was once able to conquer this feeling by going into almost any activity, see what I could do. Eventually I learned I was very useful by a goalkeeper in football, or a great archer.
Everyone can feel this but don't feel you wish to die, I sometimes yell over myself from inside, saying "Why am I making things so bad always?!" and I don't scream, but I eventually throw something small in room, and throw it until it makes an epic crashing sound.
That may work :')
But let me tell you, you can't cry if you want to. And if you don't cry at the moment, there is still something good inside of you.

[Aspiringanonymous]

I know what you mean hun, I've been experiencing many of the same things lately. I wish I didn't exist either, but I'm still here and so are you; since we're going to be stuck here for a while, we might as well try to accept it for what it is, maybe even make something out of it all, you know? In the long run, it will be easier, rather than fighting in vain against what cannot be changed.

I'm sorry that I can't offer much in the way of advice, but I wanted to let you know that you weren't alone in this. :hug3: If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here.

[Azunite]

Noone is alone here my friend, everyone thinks the same.

[georgiamay]

I know exactly how you feel, i've been there too many times before myself. One thing; what's actually stopping you from screaming? why don't you find a place where there's no one around, and actually scream? Like a forest or something, or wait until you're the only person at home, and just scream. I know it sonds really stupid, but you'd be suprised how much it helps.
And i know what it feels like to wish you didn't exist, but like krezlyn said, you are here. That's the thing. And while you're hear, you might as well just try and enjoy it, and make something of it. I know it's easier said than done, but that doesn't mean it's not possible. Plus, you only live once, so if you leave early, you'll never get another chance, it's really not worth it.

Remember you can PM me if you ever need to talk about anything or just to vent to someone :P I'm always here :hug:

[Azunite]

Well screaming will give you a sore throat so..

[Kaya]

You know Im always here for you hun.

[ForgetMeNot]

Thanks guys, and it's extremely hard for me. I've socially outcast-ed myself. I go no where, I do nothing. My live revolves around my boyfriend and computer. I don't like to cry, and I just can't scream. My psychiatrist told me today I need to break my cycle and do something different, so I decided to go for walks. Easier said then done.

I'm feeling a little better today, but the thoughts and the feeling it's still there.
I know I'm never alone, and I know we only live once... it just seems so futile.

I don't know, thanks for the response, I was just trying to vent so I wouldn't be so upset and do worse s/h then I did.

Thanks for the responsesagain, and thanks Kayla =)

[The Flightless Hawk]

Everyone has something that their good at and contribute to the world. living is the journey of finding that thing. try new and different things and you might start finding out that you aren't as useless as you thought.