How do i escape that feeling of being trapped?

[celine93]

So, it's the holidays now. And things are hard. I'm taking steps towards getting help, as far as cutting goes- but other things are adding to the whole pile of rubbish that is my life.
My step dad has just been diagnosed with depression (which we all knew anyway) but this means that he's off work for a month- and living with him is really difficult.
I try to be patient because I know he is ill and it's not his fault he's this way, but my mum's out at work everyday, which means it's just me and him.
He wakes me up at 8.30 everyday and I have to clean the house and do all of the housework until around dinner time- when I'm allowed to stop to make him his lunch and then clean up after him.
We all know he's ill, but he just lazes around all day, shouting at me and calling me names, making more mess whever he goes, on purpose so I have to clean it up.
I can only go out to the corner shops to buy him his cigarettes and alcohol (he's also been diagnosed an alcoholic, and with chronic lung disease because of his smoking) and then I have to return to continue cleaning.
We don't have any money, and so I suggested my getting a job, as this would benefit us financially and it would pout me in a healthier environment which could help with the cutting.
But he doesn't allow me to get one, or move out or GO out. I can't see friends. I can't do anything. I'm not a party animal- I am infact more of a recluse than a sociable person- I like my own company, but at this point in my life I feel I need to be around others to try to take my mind off cutting.
Been trapped in the same house doing the same things everyday, been shouted at and constantly watched by someone I don't really like and don't get along with is really not helping me not cut.

I have another month of this before he returns to work and I return to college. I don't know what to do.
I had to sneak out of the house while he was napping to make my doctors appointment on monday. I have another one this monday and then I'll have twice weekly appointments with a councillor until I'm able to continue seeing my regular councillor at college.
How am I supposed to persuade him to free me a little- baring in mind we're not close, we don't like one another and he can become rather violent and volatile when he's drinking.

Thanks for any help/ suggestions.

Kate

[starrburst]

First off, we both live in Hull..haha xD

I don't think that being in this situation will help at all with your cutting...Stop thinking about him for a minuite, think about yourself...It's your life at risk right now , even if he is suicidel, just think of yourself. You need, and want, to stop cutting...The fact that your getting help for this is great...You need to tell yourself that you are stronger, you need to believe you can stop...Because you can, i asure you. If i were you, i'd arrange to meet my friends...and well, just go...He can't make you stay in all day, you must stand up for yourself. He may be ill, but you are also and you are going through harder, or just as hard, things as him. Keep safe hun xxx

[celine93]

Hey,

Haha, isn't Hull just great, eh? :/ ha

Well, thanks for the advice, but I don't think it's as simple as all that. I am not a strong person. I would love to just go and be rebellious and not care, but it's too scary.
He has a lot of power over me and the rest of my family, and if I did defy him and just leave whenever I felt like it, I know there'd be reprecussions, and there's a chance they might be on my family and I can't risk that.
I'm really really not ready to tell anyone that I'm seeing a doctor for this. It would be too much too soon for everyone, but nothing I say is every going to be a good enough reason for him to let me go.
I am in no way blaming what I do and what I'm going through on this situation- this is my own issue- but it isn't helping any.
Maybe there isn't anything I can do, and just needed to vent.

Thanks though,

Kate