Set Me Free.

[Scarface]

Set Me free

To those that know,

For the people that know me, I am gay... I have been all my life. It's another thing in my life that I thought was wrong with me. Another difference that set me apart from the rest of the world. That didn't make me "normal". That made me feel worse not only about my life, but who i was as person. I was always told as a kid by my family, that gays are the scum of the earth. Cross dressing sickos that have sex in public bathrooms. It was always drilled into my mind by them that they were the worst sort of being. My father told me even as a kid, "Anthony, if I EVER find out you're gay I'll kill you then myself". It made me fear. Even more than I was already going through.

I always thought to myself why I had to be so whacked out. Why I had to be different. What made me think like this? Why can't I just be like everyone else. As I got older, my stronger attraction for guys became stronger. That's where my self hatred got worse because of my paranoid attitude. I could always hear my families voices in my head, "They are worthless no body's, they are always trying to make straight people gay, Spreading their disease." I had no one else in my family (That I knew of) that was gay. I only had myself. No one to talk to about what was really going through my mind. They always told me that gays weren't born gay they were made gay.

When I was living in California I had a friend that I had practically went to school with since the first grade. At the time we were just about 14. Well him and I were talking and I finally couldn't help, but sharing with him all of these thoughts that I've had. That I liked guys. His response was, "I've had a lot of the same feelings" and he gave me a hug. At that moment I felt safe. I felt so much better about myself. I felt like I wasn't such a freak like it's not just me that has strong attractions for the same sex. Well that same year we got very close as friends and we could talk about anything together. I felt on top of the world with him. I loved him is what I finally realized. This had went on for a while where we would hang out everyday and talk for endless hours either hanging out or going places, just to have each others presence. We were talking one night outside of his house where I finally conjured up the strength to ask him out. I did. We went through our concerns of people finding out and we agreed we would keep it to ourselves.So he accepted! That was one of the happiest days of my life. I had finally had a boyfriend. Someone that loved me, someone that had the same feelings as me..

We had gone out for almost 3 years before a lot of drama happened inside my house with my mother and I had to go and live with my dad.

Never feel ashamed of yourself of the way you feel. Never feel like you're not "normal" because there is no normal. If there was a normal people would have the same feelings, same likes and dislikes get married have kids and live happily ever after. That's not how it always works. Just because you like the same sex, never think there's something wrong with you. Remember you were born this way. I always wanted to feel accepted and have that feeling of pride within myself. You can have that. You can feel proud of who you are. You can show your true colors because it's who you are and nobody and I mean nobody can tell you who you are. Even though a lot of times religion can get in the way and also other family thoughts, but never feel like you have to hide it forever or put a false front on to show you are the way they want you to be.

It's when you finally come to accept who you are as a person and learn to finally be happy. To be the inner you, to show your true colors that set you free.

~Ronnie

[guacamole24]

Thank you for that. That was the most heartfelt thing I've heard all day.

[Captor K]

It's when you finally come to accept who you are as a person and learn to finally be happy. To be the inner you, to show your true colors that set you free.

"True colors are beautiful like a rainbow." ~Cyndi Lauper

[Scarface]

"True colors are beautiful like a rainbow." ~Cyndi Lauper

Bingo, she's iconic to me. Thank you for seeing that.

[Bougainvillea]

I really love this. It makes me feel good, Ronnie. :)

But I feel the rainbow is symbolic to the world as a whole, and not just the LGBT communities.

[XpopularX]

im happy for u, i could never do tht

[Captor K]

Bingo, she's iconic to me. Thank you for seeing that.

Sure, buddy. ;) Your post was really wonderfully written, by the way, I commend you for sharing it and giving others hope. I, too, have much in common with what you posted (minus the boyfriend haha). Religious fundamentalism and intolerance led me to grow up horribly ashamed of being gay and hated every fiber of who I was. I was so ripped apart on the inside, I didn't think reparation was possible.

But to quote a good ol cliche, "Time heals all wounds." My problem stemmed from ignorance, and general lack of understanding of human sexuality. Knowledge is a cure for ignorance, and I used it as a tonic to slowly heal my emotional wounds. Now, at nineteen, I no longer feel ashamed, either, but I love and cherish who I am - and I would never trade it for the benefit of becoming acceptable to others. As it stands, sexuality aside, I've always been a bit of an outcast anyhow.

Hell, I always kinda liked being an outcast. Total rebel, baby! :P

Be blessed, my friend. <3

[Scarface]

Sure, buddy. ;) Your post was really wonderfully written, by the way, I commend you for sharing it and giving others hope. I, too, have much in common with what you posted (minus the boyfriend haha). Religious fundamentalism and intolerance led me to grow up horribly ashamed of being gay and hated every fiber of who I was. I was so ripped apart on the inside, I didn't think reparation was possible.

But to quote a good ol cliche, "Time heals all wounds." My problem stemmed from ignorance, and general lack of understanding of human sexuality. Knowledge is a cure for ignorance, and I used it as a tonic to slowly heal my emotional wounds. Now, at nineteen, I no longer feel ashamed, either, but I love and cherish who I am - and I would never trade it for the benefit of becoming acceptable to others. As it stands, sexuality aside, I've always been a bit of an outcast anyhow.

Hell, I always kinda liked being an outcast. Total rebel, baby! :P

Be blessed, my friend. <3

Thank you for taking what I said to heart it means a lot to me to know that what I say can mean something. The experiences in my life that I have been through I will share that so no one will feel they have to be alone. As I had felt for so long. The ignorance and to be blatant bullshit that can be fed about an orientation is nauseating. Though now no matter what words can be thrown I have built myself like a shield that way they can never make me feel that low ever again. I am so glad that you have found to love and cherish who you are as a person because the only thing that separates you and I from the the rest of heterosexuals is what gender we like. To me I would never want to trade it either as have accepted and I actually have become to love myself finally for who I am. It all takes time, but with little words of wisdom and guidance and as another saying "This too shall pass"

Thank you.
~Ronnie

[Billy15]

Ronnie, I've read a lot on this forum but what you wrote really hit home and omg can I ever relate but like another poster said, minus the boyfriend part sadly.

I live in rural Tennessee (very homophobic) and with extremely homophobic parents
pretty much like yours, so without a doubt I'm feeling all the things that you went through before you met your friend/boyfriend. My question is, was your relationship to him in the dark (kept secret) and did you ever come out to your parents and friends
or are you still hiding that part of your life?

Like so many others here, I am still living at home, have to follow their rules, feel their scorn for gay people and yup, have to hide my dreams. I have accepted myself but how can I be happy as long as I have to hide, have to fear, have to watch my every move, especially my only outlet, the internet? Sure I've met some pretty awesome friends on here but the chances of meeting someone to love (like you did) in this area, with my parents, in this house, well it's probably impossible. I really wonder if parents ever realize how much damage then can do by forcing their children to deny themselves
and live with their constant prejudices?

Anyway, your post was awesome and if nothing else, it gives me a little hope and for that, I thank you.

Billy

[Scarface]

My question is, was your relationship to him in the dark (kept secret) and did you ever come out to your parents and friends
or are you still hiding that part of your life?

Like so many others here, I am still living at home, have to follow their rules, feel their scorn for gay people and yup, have to hide my dreams. I have accepted myself but how can I be happy as long as I have to hide, have to fear, have to watch my every move, especially my only outlet, the internet? Sure I've met some pretty awesome friends on here but the chances of meeting someone to love (like you did) in this area, with my parents, in this house, well it's probably impossible. I really wonder if parents ever realize how much damage then can do by forcing their children to deny themselves
and live with their constant prejudices?




Billy,

The relationship that I had with my boyfriend wasn't always kept secret we eventually came clean to some of our friends which were very accepting. Though there were a few bumps in the road with some that weren't too fond of it. The thing is, about love is there truly shouldn't be a barrier between who loves and what sex they are. Whether it's heterosexual or homosexual. Love is more than just a feeling it's a connection. It's what makes me proud of who I am because I know that my love for a man doesn't make me any different than if a man loved a woman. That special connection with that person.

My dad will never truly know who I am as a person, nor would I care anymore, but he has enough problems himself so he has no viable reason to criticize me. I am free, and for those that I am friends with that accept me and are still close to me those are my true friends. People who can't accept someone for an orientation and not for who they are as a person will have no bearing on me.

The thing about parents is that some are strongly influenced by religion or by receiving the same mind drilling as a child. Though parents should be able to accept their child whether gay or not you're their child that can never change.

It may seem impossible to find someone especially when finally accepting yourself you start to feel alone. Never feel alone, because there is someone that could be going through the same thing you are where you live. Love who you are Billy. It's really hard to be able to show your true inner self now, but as you get older you will find once you finally leave that house you can finally be free. Never be ashamed of you are Billy as your thoughts are like so many other going through the same thing and it takes those little bits of inspiration those little rays of hope.Never give up...Never give up.

~Ronnie

[Billy15]

Ronnie, you are soooooo awesome, thank you. I am proud of who I am and I will keep the faith because someday my dreams will come true and I will be free and happy, so thanks again, a whole lot.

[Scarface]

Anytime Billy, I'm glad I could help.

[Ramiro]

Same again for me Ronnie. I did not understand it but did when I translate to my language. I am a straight boy so it was not normal feelings for me that you talk about that. But your post was very interesting. I now understand small more what trouble some persons have being gay.

Thank you,
Ramiro