I'm not sure anymore

[starrburst]

Sooooooooooo....I was trying to stop cutting, when i was cutting from depression and i had low self-esteem and schtuffs...Well...i never made it long, but the cuts where smaller and shallow. I was ok...Then I cut, i did a really big one on my wrist a few weeks ago, its just scarring now..,since then i've cut loads more...including cutting HIM, for the band...and a few a matter of minuites ago i cut and i bled more than ever before...I don't want to stop cutting, but...i don't even know why i cut now...Am i just attention seeking? I don't know...I feel like i am if i tell someone, but i don't know what to do, where to turn...What's next? Death? I have no clue...i thought i was over been suicidel...Hm...i don't know now. The only things keeping me alive are music and my friends...nothing else really worth living for...

[Fiction]

I know how you feel about feeling like an attention seeker but you have to ask yourself, if i didn't tell someone would i carry on cutting? If this is true then you are not an attention seeker. Telling someone would probabaly be a good idea, it will be easier to stop with support. I do know how hard it is to tell someone though. Maybe open up to a friend first, who cna help you get real help. Pm me anytime :)

[georgiamay]

Basically everything you've said here i've experienced, so i know exactly how you feel.
You're not an attention seeker, and no one will think you are if you tell them and ask them for help.
I know what it's like be addicted, and not even know why you do it, so just say to yourself that you don't need it. There's no reason for it. I know it's easier said than done, but it is possible. So many people have been where you are right now and have managed to pull through, so i know you can do this.
Plus, you've been a few weeks cut free before remember? When we stopped on the same day? :P So, that's another reason i know that you are strong enough to do this, because you did it before. Sure, you slipped back, but so do a lot of people? And why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up again (I think i may have stolen that line from batman... but still, it's true ;)).

You can PM me if you ever wanna talk, I'm always here for you hun :)

[starrburst]

Heh, batman xD

Yeaaaahhhhhh, i guess...i swear i nearly died yesterday...or at least it felt like it...Y'see, it's not just cutting anymore...I just, do stupid things...And i don't eat much, so what i do eat is more fatty carby type foods, I'm not underweight, but they feed me these foods so i don't become underweight from not eating...kinda thing. I'mvegetarian too, so that also effects my eating habits...I just felt so dead, i feared for myself...i couldn't and can't tell any of my friends or family about this, they'd be so...disappointed, it'd be so awkward...I'm not going anywhere anymore, i just kind of shut myself away in my room all day...I don't want too, i'm just so afraid, so ashamed...I could hardly breath yesterday, and this morning...but i'm feeling kinda better now...compered to then anyway...heh xD