I've started suffocating myself again. I think I need help.

[ShatteredWings]

I haven't cut in a little over 3 weeks.
I haven't overdosed in a few months, never really bothered to keep tract of that but it's been a while. Since January maybe? February at the latest.

But i've been smothering myself with pillows or blankets, just right until the point right before I'd pass out due to oxygen deprivation... well probably slightly before because i'm still conscious enough to move things slightly.

i know my SI habits are turning into what they were 3 years ago. I mean in someways it's not shocking, but the fact that i'm still doing this. Ive started biting again too. ultimately that's not too bad, but it's something i haven't done to any consistency in years. All my old habits are coming back.

I'm barely eating as well. Have no desire to eat either. I realize if this keeps up i'm going to drop a lot of weight very quickly (i'm 165 and 5'9. If i loose more than 10 pounds I'm going to start looking ill)

Help? I dunno... if anyone actually read this thank you.

[Kaya]

Well...I think that maybe itd be best if you went and talked to someone...like a therapist or something. Its not healthy to do that to yourself.

If you need to talk...ever...just PM me.

[ShatteredWings]

pardon the fact this may come off rude, i've been on edge lately and i'M probably sick.

It's not healthy, NO KIDDING. i haven't kileld that many braincells yet. i know this is unhealthy i know this could quickly kill me without warning. thats why im scared.
I dont konw how to control it when my hands go up to my neck and start pressing down, when im no where near something to do above i'll just choke myself =\

[enjoying_my_insanity]

definatly tell someone about this and get help from a professional cuz none of us want to see you get hurt or worse! good luck! *hug*

[georgiamay]

first of all, well done for not cutting in 3 weeks. i know that even though you are suffocating yourself again, it's still an acheivement to go on for this long with no cutting.

I think the fact that you're saying you think you need help again shows that you want to get better, which is good. Maybe you should get help. Maybe you could go and see your doctor or something. Is there anyone you know you think you could talk to?

Is there anything specific that makes you start to suffocate yourself? If there is a particular situation, then try and avoid it. I think it would be a very good idea if you did try and get some help, because you know you shouldn't be doing this, you basically said it yourself.

You can PM me if you ever need to talk, i'm always here :)

[ShatteredWings]

=\ Thanks, i guess.. 3 wk isn't much of an accomplishment for me IMO but i probably push myself too hard to just 'fix this'

I do want to get out of this. living like this is hell, and it's ruining any chance at getting out of my current situation.

basically.. same as cutting.. which is nearly any strong emotion. lately that's been "90% of the time"... sucks.

i konw i shouldn't be doing this. I just don't know what to do.
every outlet i've got is somehow bad, or unaccessable for most of the time when i want to do something like this.
but where the fuck to go?
parents dont believe in therapy and i dont have a job or a cashflow (not exactly "rich", and they don't believe in giving their kids any hand up or money), so that makes it really hard to get any "help"...
idk where to go

[taylor115]

plz dont do this

[Sith Lord 13]

Kyle,

I just read this now. Wish I'd seen it earlier. *hugs*
We'll talk, OK?