Is This a Normal Way to treat a Child?

[ShatteredWings]

This is an event from years past. This thread may be better placed in Abuse. Move, delete, or lock if needed (if you're deleting it tell me tho plz)

In 3rd grade I moved from a tiny 2 bedroom apartment to a 3 bedroom house in the middle of a better neighborhood and school district. While moving, we got a puppy. The July before we moved I got a baby brother.
We moved in November 2002.
In January 2003 my mother broke her leg.
My father, at the time, was out of the house 6am to 9pm Monday through Friday, working in New Jersey.

That January was when I lost my childhood.

Dad could "never take time off from work", supposedly, even thought now (in 2010) I learned that he had months of paid vacation stored up. He could have taken time off.

I was going to school, while being bulled the whole time. Then when I came home I had to do everything Mom was supposed to be doing.

I was taking care of my 6 month old baby brother. I was the one who fed him, I was the one who changed him, I was the one who put him to bed half the time. I did EVERYTHING parents are supposed to be doing. I knew how to do it all, even to being able to administer medication to an infant - god knows how.

We also had a 5 month old German Sheppard puppy. I was obedience training her, I was the one who took her out, every single time. When I wasn't home, she didn't get to go to the bathroom. They left an 80 pound eight year old to obedience train a 60 pound Sheppard puppy. I can't be the only one who sees this as something that it's amazing she's well trained.

When dad WAS home, he spent most of his time yelling at me. I wasn't doing things "good enough". The floor had animal hair on it though Sheppards shed, and we have a cat, the table wasn't spotless, the baby has a rash The child has always had sensitive skin. No amount of care could have prevented diaper rash on him You're not doing good enough in school, even though despite being bullied constantly and the teacher encouraging it I was getting 85-100% on everything. The walk isn't shoved well enough, for fucks sake you trusted an 8 year old to do this!! We have a HUGE sidewalk!

I wasn't allowed to cry. It was bad. I was a horrible person if I had any tears. Told to "stop being a baby, we don't need two".

This went on until July, when she finally got the plaster cast off, and a splint on.


Is any of this normal?
Is any portion of this story at all considered reasonable?

Eight years later, and I'm still scarred.
This is the last distinct memory I have before my freshman year (September 2008)

[Paladino]

That is a horrible way to treat an 8 year old. Surely they didnt actually think an 8 year old would have been able to handle all that. Did your parents even apologise for the way they were being ?

[Jess]

no it is not. it's not normal that your dad let all that responsibility fall on your shoulders. You were only 8.

[ShatteredWings]

Did your parents even apologise for the way they were being ?

No. Never have, never will.

[dead]

No it's not normal, but things like this happen, even though there not healthy and not good.

[Paladino]

No. Never have, never will.

thats terrible :O

[georgiamay]

that's a really horrible way to treat an 8 year old, they can't have expected you to do all that perfectly right? even adults would struggle to do that much. When your mum's leg got better did she start to do at least some of these things?

[Bougainvillea]

Really, the only thing you can take from that experience is responsibility. Which you better to feel glad you have. It's sad that you didn't enjoy your childhood, but it's the past. Just remember to give your children lessons on responsibility, but not in such a degrading manner.

I didn't have a childhood either. It pretty much fell apart at five when my sister passed from SIDS. That's when the abuse started. And things REALLY went to shit after my dad died.

[ShatteredWings]

that's a really horrible way to treat an 8 year old, they can't have expected you to do all that perfectly right? even adults would struggle to do that much. When your mum's leg got better did she start to do at least some of these things?
I'm always perfect, supposedly. if i'm not, i'm terrible.
And they wonder why im such a perfectionist today.

She did, kinda. The dog was still my responsibility, which on it's OWN isn't that bad but when added in to a baby and everything else that was going on in school was too much.

Really, the only thing you can take from that experience is responsibility. Which you better to feel glad you have. It's sad that you didn't enjoy your childhood, but it's the past. Just remember to give your children lessons on responsibility, but not in such a degrading manner.

I didn't have a childhood either. It pretty much fell apart at five when my sister passed from SIDS. That's when the abuse started. And things REALLY went to shit after my dad died.
My children? hahaha real funny one.
I don't trust myself to not repeat the past, so im not having children. and i'd rather not hear how that's not true, i know myself if i shouldn't be having children that's a good thing im not going to be bringing in kids just as fucked up as i am

yeh, only thing ya get is some form of responsibility. guess it's more positive than most of the other forms of abuse...

[Sith Lord 13]

Kyle,

I think we both know that no, what your parents did is in no way normal. They're fucked up. Plain and simple. Sorry I didn't read this before we talked today. I hope you know you can always vent to me.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

That's absolutely disgusting.
How can a parent, expect an eight yearold to do all of that, and then accuse them of not doing a perfect job? That is MESSED. Did you ever try to find a way to speak to someone?

[HellHound]

That is horrible.Remember vt is your family away from family,we are always here for you (hug)

[Dog Desab]

of course its not normal... i didnt read any other after the first i would yell back at my dad if he ever yelled at me again but man thats terrible you must have a lot built up feelings waiting to burst out but i guess you just did that... but still its a great story to tell abused kids and how you got through it... but yeah its not normal at all

[QUUIT]

That is NO way to treat a child, ever.

From what I've been told, your father sounds like he's nothing short of a lazy ass. Honestly? All this on an eight year old is far too much. That was your time to enjoy life and not worry - not time to go and look after everything for him while he's off shirking his responsibilities to his family at work. What's even worse is the dog... If that thing had wanted to, it could have chewed you up and spit you out. What he did... It's just plain negligent. Degrading you for a job poorly done is even worse. At least you actually did it. Sad that an eight year old can say this, while a grown man can't, hm?

Also, your mother sounds pretty pathetic in this story as well. Really? Letting her husband treat her child so cruelly? Shame on her!

I'm curious, though. Have they been the same way at all with the baby? I'm presuming they've grown some, this being years into the future, and I want to know if he's gone and put them through hell like you.

If I were you and ever had kids, I wouldn't let him anywhere near them. Plus, the second I didn't need them anymore - I'd just completely shove them from my life.

[Azunite]

I never had a beating from my father or my mother, or they didn't give any punishment or some sort.
Well my friend was used to be beaten by his dad and now his dad doesn't take care of him, he just buys games and leave him be.
Your dad is also some sort of a guy like that. My friend's father always stayed on dormitory schools so he was away from his family.
Maybe your dad had such experiences in childhood. Have you ever tried to approach to him in a peaceful time, like breakfast or something? Tried to talk this ( it usually ends up getting him mad but who knows)

[DanielBoy]

It seems like WAY too much for an eight year old kid to be doing, and the fact that your father was such a dick about it. I have always been wise beyond my years, and I would have told him off. I can understand that you would have to pull a little more weight around the house, but all of it, at 8 years old, seems like a little too much. And the fact that all of that was your last distinct memory before your freshmen year in high school is BS too. It all sounds really terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. :\

[ShatteredWings]

I'm curious, though. Have they been the same way at all with the baby? I'm presuming they've grown some, this being years into the future, and I want to know if he's gone and put them through hell like you.

If I were you and ever had kids, I wouldn't let him anywhere near them. Plus, the second I didn't need them anymore - I'd just completely shove them from my life.
As much as i resent him a bit for being the unfortunate vehicle for blatant neglect, him and the next brother (who was born when I was 11... yeah i don't remember this lol but i know their birthdays) have been treated far better than i ever was.
They were also born under better circumstances than i was.
i was an accident.

hell you didn't have to tell me that :P I'm getting out of here as soon as i can, and not turning back.

I have always been wise beyond my years, and I would have told him off
Not if you were raised how I was (if you can call it being raised)
That would be a good way to get hit.
You do NOT mouth off to my dad.

[The Flightless Hawk]

That most definitely not normal, and i found it amazing that you could do those things. You are an exceptional person for living through that.

[Icarus7]

Well honestly there are a lot of american slang in the text and i undestand half of it but as far as I understand i know that you suffered a lot and you still do. I went to something similar, so i can tell you that if you need any advice or a friend who undertands you just PM me or leave as message in my profile :)