it hurts now.

[ylllek nivyer]

so basically, right now, i'm feelin really low. i was with this amazing guy for 9 months. it was the most amazing 9 months i could have ever asked for, he was my everything, and i was his. i changed his life, and he changed me. both of us for the better. it really was a fairytale love story. i came into his life and rescued him from his evil abusive mom and stepdad, and he lived with me for 2 months then i helped him get back in contact with his real dad and he decided he wanted to move in with his dad who lives 5 hours away to get to know him for the first time in his life. we had a very intense, sureal love. we invested everything we had into our relationship. but then he left, to move in with his dad. and that plan turned out to be not as perfect as it had in the begining. after about 3 weeks of him being there, something changed with him. like night and day. he was the total oposite of anything i had ever known him to be. he was threatening me, starting completely absurd and unecassary fights, and being just extremely rude towards me. so basically i broke it down like this: David, i love you, and always will. i dont know whats going on with you right now, but obviously i'm just making it worse for you. so i'm breaking up with you for now. i'm still committed to you, my heart is still yours..... his reply?: you are an ungrateful, fat, bitch. you're never happy with anything, maybe you should just go get back with your ex and he can rape you again, cuz thats all you'll ever be good for.

i was stunned. i think ever since then i haven't really been wholly in touch with reality. i think i just avoided what happened. but about an hour ago, i was lookin through my friends pictures and one popped up of me and him. and it really hit me hard. like a blow to the chest. we were both smiling and holding each other. we didn't even know a picture was being taken. and it just started hurting right now. after a month and a half of the single life, my heart finally feels it.

about a week ago, he texted me. and explained everything a little bit.
at his dads house he met his older brother,who he had never met before, russel. well, russel turned out to be a pretty bad influence. david had gotten into some pretty bad stuff with him, drugs. i'm not even sure all of what.

MY Davey is gone, dead. and i don't want to deal with what this impact is turning me into.

anyways, i just dont want to admit this pain to the people i face in everyday life, so i just needed to let some one know.

[nick]

Sorry to hear your story, it does sound as if the David you loved is not really the same guy right now and you are probably right and wise to try to let go. It is always a tough thing to break up with someone that you still love and its not something you can get over just like that. I'm still having problems from something that ended in January and that was just an online relationship. All you can do is stay as strong as you can and cry when you need to. Your luck will change again sometime. <3

[Bougainvillea]

Hi Reyvin. I've missed you.

I can't say I really understand why he did what he did, but I do feel you need to move on. He's obviously missing out on something great. There will always be someone out there. Just for you. And if he doesn't want the opportunity anymore, then so be it. As much as it hurts, you need to keep your chin up, and keep on walking, girlie. :)

[ylllek nivyer]

all i want to do now is be drunk. and i'll be just like my father, the person i hate the most.

[Bougainvillea]

Alcohol fixes nothing.
Once you're done you'll feel the same, if not worse.

Try something constructive, and not destructive.

[ylllek nivyer]

i already know this. nothing constructive seems to give me the same fix. i'm crying for the first time now, and i remember why i put it off for so long. because i feel pathetic for being weak.

[Bougainvillea]

You shouldn't correlate crying with weakness dear. :)
In fact, you've already proved you were strong by helping him like that. It takes alot for someone to do something like that.
*Hugs*