What Made You...?

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

The first time you burned, cut, punched. Why?
This is a question to anyone who self harms, what made you start? What pushed you over the edge? and What made you decide to hurt yourself?

Also, from Self harm, have you learned anything?

[Kaya]

The first time I SH was with an eraser. They said my little brother probably wouldnt make it through the night, and my family was screaming at me. I didnt really learn anything except that I should take happiness for granted.

[Aspiringanonymous]

To be perfectly honest, the first time was just curiosity. I was hearing a lot about how other depressed people cut themselves and it apparently helped in a way, so I thought I would try it too and see. For the most part, it never made the pain go away as a lot have claimed for themselves, but rather was a silent protest to the accusations people around me were throwing, that I was faking depression for attention and none of it was real. Well, if they were given a concrete manifestation, at least they would seem more real to me - and those hurtful words would have less power.

Self-harm influenced me for a long time, but not intensely - I wouldn't say I was ever addicted to it by definition of an addiction. The fear of being discovered and ridiculed even further rang stronger than any urge the entire time, so I was always very careful with myself. That was then. Now would be a different story altogether.

In that respect, I didn't learn any great life lessons from the experience - the learning was the experience itself. What it felt like and the dynamics behind the manifestation, which later on I was able to relate to other, similar experiences in furthering my understanding of the mind.

But I have a feeling that this story isn't over yet, so we'll see.

[misery_business]

I saw lots of peopleon vt talking about it and how it helped them, then one nigh my parents got really mad at me and my mum hit me so hard she left this bruiseon my leg, then I though i should just try it...if it really helps.
It was scary and i was soconfused, but I really regret it now.

I don't think i've learnt anything :/

[Kaius]

My first time was over the death of a childhood friend. I'd say I've learnt to have more self control and look for other less self destructive options of coping

[georgiamay]

the first time i cut i was 12, and my mum was being a bit of a bitch and everything just seemed to be going wrong. when i think back, i realise that i didn't actually need to do it, my life wasn't that bad, but i'd heard about cutting from a girl at school, and thought i'd try it. i had recently broken a picture frame by accident, and had a small stash of glass in my room. the relief i felt was unbelievable. i regreted it straight after, but after that all i thought about was "just one more wouldn't make any difference" but it did. soon my arm was covered in cuts.

i burnt for the first time only a few months ago. that was because i'd accidently touched a bunsen burner in a chemistry lesson, and realised that it seemed to hurt more. when i got home that night i burned, but not like a little one in a chemistry lesson, i held it down until i was almost screaming, just because i wanted it to hurt that much.

i cant really explain why i actually started. i just wondered what would happen, and i wanted to know how it would make me feel.

all i've learnt from it is that making that first cut was the biggest mistake of my life. it changed everything, and not in a good way.

[Fiction]

I never decided to hurt myself really. I was straightening my hair and acidentally burnt my finger. Then i got curious about how much it would hurt and how badly it would mark if i did it on my arm. I'd had a bad day at school, nothing that bad though. It somehow felt nice. I thought i'd never do it again. Then my bf saw my burns and threatenend to break up with me over it. It made me want to do it this time. So I did. I never stopped after this.
There had been a few times before this when i was younger that i had tried to sh but never really done much and i can't even remember what this was for. I'd also od'd and stuff before this :/
From self harm i learnt to never try anything that you could possibly end up dependent on. because i hate being dependent on sh :/

[MadManWithaBox]

My first self harm was when i was.... 11 I think. I was making something in the kitchen, and I accidently cut myself. Then I just carried on doing it. From self harm, I learned I'm a twat.

[REGRET]

School triggered me to do it. I have no friends and the people who are supposed to be my friends are being mean to me and freezing me out. It doesn't sound like much but for me it felt horrible and I felt so much mental pain and I wanted to get rid of it.

[Fiction]

School triggered me to do it. I have no friends and the people who are supposed to be my friends are being mean to me and freezing me out. It doesn't sound like much but for me it felt horrible and I felt so much mental pain and I wanted to get rid of it.

I know how that feels and tbh it is is half the reason i cut. Sometimes i don't think it is much to be doing it over but if it's not just me then it must be :)

[starbrite5]

I think that for me, it was also mainly curiosity. I'd been bullied pretty badly in 7th grade, and I was sort of losing hope. Those first two years of middle school convinced me I was worthless. Nothing else had worked, and I knew that SH helped some people deal, so I tried it. I started with salt-ice burns, and started cutting later on. It hasn't really taught me major things. Minor first aid, I suppose. But no life-lessons.

[sarah newman]

I did it with a razer, two faint lines across my wrist. Friends said it would make everything go away and make you feel better. i did it more a more, deeper and deeper, lower down my arm, legs, and stomach. I cant now its summer.
i have burned with a eraser, coz i got bullyed-name calling, coz im really fat and i h8 my figure- and boys made me do stuff that i didnt feel confortable wiv, and it went round a lot.