my alcoholic father...

[love_linds]

So in about a week im going to go visit my dad for two weeks.
he lives in idaho while me, my mom, sister, and brother live in california.
I want to go because i only see my dad twice a year but sinces hes an alcoholic hes always drinking and hes always really drunk.

And wen hes drunk hes really loud, embarassing, and he doesnt care about my feelings. There is so much shit that has happened with my dad and his drinking problem.

Anyways, what always ends up happening is, its good for the first couple of days, then i start to get a little annoyed because he plays jokes, then he does something that really pisses me off so i end up yelling at him. i get so heartbroken cause he doesnt seem lik he cares about what he does to hurt me.
wen i yell at him i try to say the most hurtful things so he feels horrible. then he just shuts up, puts his head down, and doesnt say anything. then changes the subject and walks out of the room.

i hav asked him to stop drinking wen hes with us. he said he would. but he lied.

hes drives drunk all the time with us in the car.

Everytime it comes time to see my dad i want to go and im really excited to see him. and i hope everything will be different. but it never is. . .

Ive even thought about telling him that if he doesnt stop drinking then he wont get to see me til hes sober. do you think i should??

hes gotten two dui's. one was last summer wen we were with him. on a trip. he got arrested for driving without a lisciense and driving under the influece.
one would think that would make him change his mind. getting taken to jail for drunk driving infront of his three kids.
but it hasnt.

So my questions are ...should i go to my dads to see him and end up getting my feelings hurt, really bad. or not.?

and..

Should i tell him that he wont be able to see me unless he gets sober???

i kno i didnt get really specific, and im sorry. but anything would help.
thanks.

[Katrina]

Has your dad tried AA? your area may have something call Al-Anon for families of alcoholics or Ala- Teen for teens who have alcoholic family members. Encourage your mom to join you to get help.

This link will help you find where there are support groups in your area.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

[nickw_2013]

No one can truly tell you what you should do because none of us have been in your specific situation. I personally believe in giving multiple chances to anyone, and me and my dad never really got along. But I kept giving him more chances and trying to make it better and now it kinda is. So I don't think you should just give up on him, but keep trying to make things better. Improving a relationship requires two people. But telling him that you want him to be sober before you go out there again might be a good idea. Try explaining to him what it makes you feel like when hes drunk all the time and acts like he doesn't care.
I hope everything works out for you.

P.S. if you have any choice at all please don't ride in the car with him when hes drunk.

[Scarface]

I know how you feel. My dad is an alcoholic. Even though he has been to detox, rehab and tried AA he doesn't seem to want so stop. So he's powerless over his addiction. My dad is loud and obnoxious and abusive. I used to think the same way you do. "Maybe he will get sober, he'll be so much nicer and everything well work out". The alcoholic has to reach a bottom. When you see him drunk, never get into a vehicle with him. As while driving intoxicated, puts your life in danger. It's so hard to see a family member do this to them self, it hurts so many of the others that have to watch them do this.

As a member said above Ala-Teen is a good way to find people your age going through the same problem. They could give you good advice as to what you should do. Though if it was me, as much as you love him you have to realize that right now he is not himself. Don't think he's going to change right away. You have to wait until he wants to get sober and he will do something (hopefully) simply asking him won't do anything. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just know that others such as myself go through the same thing.

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here. I'll help the best that I can. VM me anytime.

[love_linds]

Has your dad tried AA? your area may have something call Al-Anon for families of alcoholics or Ala- Teen for teens who have alcoholic family members. Encourage your mom to join you to get help.

This link will help you find where there are support groups in your area.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

yea, he has been to AA. and wen he started going i was really excited and glad that he was finally trying to quick.
but then his girlfriend told me that the only reason he started going was becasue he had too. Wen he got his DUI apparently since his BAC(blood alcochol conent) was so high he got his licesnse taken away for a year. and he got to choose between going to jail for six months or going to the police station every morning for one month to giv a urine sample, provong that hes sober.
and thats wen he started going to the AA meetings.

Thats why i feel lik theres no hope anymore. he went because he HAD too.

he even told his girlfriend "HELL! i would rather go to jail for 6 months then haul my ass down there everyday to pee in a cup"...

But thank you. i will definantly look into the meetings for kids.

[Soccerkix]

do the alateen meetings, u might want to also try going to counseling by yourself to understand your feelings about your dad and especially if you decide to give him choices or some kind of ultimatum about you visiting him. been there and its tough, if you decide to not visit, you should write to him often, let him know how u are and especially let him know how much you care. the letters will help him hopefully and you will find they help you deal with it too.