I'm awesome. He's awesome. We're all awesome.

[AutumnDae]

Meh, not dumb, but whatever haha.

So, I don't know if any of you know, but I have a boyfriend. Named Nolan. Who is totally the best guy around. And we are completely happy, in every way. :)

We have really similar personalities, the same sense of humor, that sort of stuff. We click, and we can just talk about anything, which is great, and really important.

And, in my opinion, there needs to be a physical attraction in a relationship. Which is definitely there for us.

But this isn't one of those "Okay, should I have sex with him?" because well, I'm not ready for that, neither is he, and why rush things?

He's obviously physically attracted to me, and I find that really flattering. But sometimes when I'm thinking, I just can't help but notice all my flaws. I hate my feet, my forehead is too big, I hate myself naked, my left knee has a huge bump on it, I'm too pale. There's way more, but I'll spare you from reading a rant about myself. :P

I just can't help but feel as though this is going to be an issue. Oh wow, I'm turning this into a "should I have sex?" question. Kind of. I have no problem...giving, if you know what I mean, but I can't see myself ever receiving...if that makes sense? I've told Nolan about this, and he doesn't really get it. I can't really explain it either. I've pictured millions of times, how things would happen. And every single time, I never receive anything in return.

So, being the smart girl that I am, I linked that fact back with the fact I'm self conscious, and bada bing!

I realize that no one can just say "do this and this" and I'll magically be comfortable with myself. But I feel bad doing this to Nolan. He thinks it's something about him. Any ideas on what I should do?

Jeesh, I always write books. I'm sorry. >.<

[aaronbrumbrum22]

i don't really understand what you mean with the giving/receiving part but i think i can help you with your other problem.

ok, you say that you see all these flaws in yourself in which most of them you cannot change. Listen, I know you have probably heard this before but all of our bodies are different and we all have unique physical and mental attributes. You might see these "flaws" as something that you think everyone will laugh at you about when it is probably not that bad.

I have always thought that in a relationship, both partners must look through a persons outer shell with all of the physical "flaws" and see what the person is really like on the inside. You explained yourselves as perfect for each other and if that is true that he will have no problem looking right pass physical things and care about your character...

Hope I helped!!

[Bougainvillea]

In circumstances like these, it's natural to think about your "flaws". But trust me, when it comes to someone you love, and someone who loves you, these things will be the last thing on your mind when it comes to 'that'.

I had these same feelings when Cathy and I first got together. And almost two years later, we have a healthy relationship. Right now, you said you can't see yourself receiving. But when the time comes, and you'll know when, that won't be a factor.

I hope I'm helping, by using my own personal experience. Which I think is legitimate enough. :P

[Hatsune Miku]

I understand what you mean about the giving and receiving part :P

Anyways, about those "flaws". Everybody always notices the flaws in themselves. You might think your forehead is too big, but Nolan probably doesn't even notice it. You hate your feet but he probably think their cute. You know what Im getting at? Kinda? We're always trying to find flaws about ourselves so we can deny the fact that were beautiful, its human nature. You just have to forget about them and say, "I'm damn sexy" :P

[Lord C]

You will notice your flaws more because they are yours. You look at you more than anyone else probably and that's the same for everyone! So you notice things. Also the fact that you want to look how you think Nolan wants you to look.

You and your boyfriend sound like you are both physically attracted to each other, so there's nothing to worry about really.

[AllThatIsLeft]

When it comes to this I say you mustn't really worry about it. Like you said you aren't ready for it yet, well being ready does not only mean physically or accepting that you will. It's accepting your body, flaws included and giving yourself entirely to that person, because you trust them enough to think they won't care about unimportant flaws.


When the time comes, trust me. Such things won't be included in your concerns. Just enjoy what you are feeling, and don't worry about something that has not yet arrived.

:)

[babyhottie]

beauty is not in the face
beauty is a light in the heart!

dont worry about how u look like if he rlly loves u he wudnt care about wat u look lyk from the outside...and u guys sounds rlly happy tg :) and remember no one is perfect! just have selfconfidence and truste me everything will be fine! gudluk :P and having big feet itz a normal thing tho and if ur forehead is big so wat as i said be4 NOTHING IS PERFECT!
xcheerzX sophia =]

[AutumnDae]

Alright, so I think I have figured this out, or at least a better way to explain it.

I'm attracted to him, he's attracted to me, but I'm not attracted to myself!

We hung out today, I was comfortable enough to put my hair up, which is something I hardly ever do unless I'm with my girl friends, gym class, or practice. He told me it looked nice, I said no it didn't, he said yes it did, it showed my beautiful face off. I stuck my tongue out to that, he kissed my cheek. We're adorable.

I gave him head. Oral sex. Blow job. Dome. Whatever you want to call it. It just sort of happened. If any of you are wondering, no, he didn't force me, or even ask me. Things started happening, one thing led to another, and suddenly there was my mouth on his penis. He touched my body, in numerous places, most of them were fine with me. However, I did remove his hand from the waist of my shorts, and of course he obeyed, he is a great guy. I allowed him to feel my breast. That is monumental, guys. That is the part of my body that I am probably most insecure about, and he was allowed there. I'm proud of myself. And I had always pictured myself as being one of those girls who freaks out afterwards. You know, the ones in movies who stand up, go crazy, cry and scream, get upset, leave? I don't know why, but I felt as though I was one of them. However, that was not the case at all. He kissed my forehead then my lips, and we continued cuddling and talking about everything in the world. He asked if he could 'return the favor' but I said no. I didn't want him to.

Naturally, we talked about the incident after I got home, and the question came up yet again as to why I don't want him to erm, touch me. Whatever you want to say. I asked him why that would even be appealing to a guy. And he said it was because he's attracted to me. He wants to be with me. Giving me pleasure would give him pleasure. That's sweet, and I told him that someday, he will be allowed there.

I love him. With all of my heart. I can smell his cologne on my shirt and I honestly don't think I want to wash it just yet. The smell is intoxicating. His hand anywhere on my soothes me. I know this is the boy that I am going to be with for a long time. We fit, perfectly together.

[AllThatIsLeft]

That is sooo adorable. Really happy for you Autumn :)

[Bougainvillea]

Agghh YES!

I LOVE hearing about other people.

I'm so happy for you, Autumn. :)

[AutumnDae]

Agghh YES!

I LOVE hearing about other people.

I'm so happy for you, Autumn. :)

Thanks. :)

You too Paula, I just forgot to quote yours. :P

I honestly don't know what I did to deserve Nolan. He is the best guy that I have ever met in my entire life. He went to sleep a few hours ago because he has to get up early for work. And a few minutes ago, I received a text. Surprisingly it was him. "I'm not sure if you went to sleep or not, so I apologize if this wakes you up, but I just woke up. And now I can't go back to sleep. I rolled over a million times but sleep hasn't come back because I've been thinking about you. What I really wanted to mention is that I love the insides of your elbows. They're white, which I know you don't like, but they remind me of the inside of an apple. Crisp, cool, clean, refreshing. I should have kissed them earlier. I'm sorry I didn't. Rain check?"

[Bougainvillea]

I love that. I always say, every morning, I wake up with my arm wrapped around Cathy, and I walk downstairs into the kitchen and I do a slight notion to the sofa, because in my mind I see my dad sitting there with a cup of coffee saying "Morning, kiddo".
It makes my day have meaning.

I feel good knowing that I've managed to give my Cathlene better opportunities. I offered to let her live with me, and get her away from her abusive father. She means so much to me now. I wouldn't want her any other way.
She's the breath to my life, and the water to my ocean.

I guess I like seeing you and Nolan, because you two are yet another example that there are still people who put real love and meaning into relationships. I hope you two last forever.

I hope I die with her hand in mine. :)

[Jennifer's Ashes]

Jeez Im soo happy that you went with Nolan! Cause I am of course referring to the post from a while ago when you were still in a dilemma on who to date, Nolan, adam, or whatsisname... Well congrats Hun.

[AutumnDae]

Jeez Im soo happy that you went with Nolan! Cause I am of course referring to the post from a while ago when you were still in a dilemma on who to date, Nolan, adam, or whatsisname... Well congrats Hun.

Awww, thanks. :) Sorry it took so long to reply, I've been away.

I'm the happiest person alive since I've been with Nolan. From our first date, to the time that we most recently saw each other (which was a week ago yesterday, I miss him terribly! :() every single moment has been absolutely perfect.

I keep finding new things about him that make me fall in love with him even more. While we were at his house, I met his dog for the first time, and she is the most adorable thing in the world, and she's a pug! He loves her to death, and so do I. We were sitting on his bed and every time we would kiss so would wiggle her way up to our faces and kiss us as well, it was so cute!

In case you're wondering about the other two guys, Tyler and I haven't talked since I told him that I liked Nolan. We've been in the same Xbox Live party a few times and he's left as soon as I have joined, or muted me. The one time he didn't mute me or leave, he wouldn't shut up about "all the girls he's been with this summer." Which I know for a fact was all a lie, but it's okay. I feel bad that he was obviously hurt, but I couldn't keep things going with him for his benefit while I was attached to someone else. He did the same thing to me more than once.

Adam and I are still good friends, almost as close as we were before Nolan and I got together. He's not mad at all, and I'm glad about that. Adam is really a great guy, he's the type of person that wants everyone to be happy, no matter what, and he's happy that Nolan and I are happy.

And as for Nolan, he's still as awesome as I thought he was before we started dating. Actually, he's more awesome. I've been thinking about what I have done (referring to the oral sex last time we were together) and I feel like I should regret it, doing it after we've only been together a short time. However, I don't regret a single thing.

This is such a long post, I'm sorry!

I just enjoy going on about Nolan, haha. :)

[Babobobo]

Everyone always notices their own flaws more than everyone else o earth does. No body is perfect, and there will always be a flaw that will follow you.

Don't think of it as a flaw, think of it as a challenge god gave you, to see if you're strong enough to accept who you are.