im fuckin tired of this

[ShatteredWings]

i wanna die i wanna just die w/o killin every one else.

i mean im just holdin everyone else backk im the only one whos not a total boy im the one whos got all that shit tht happend realy

if i left things could be more normal.

no one would have to deal with shit no more everyone would be happy and he woldn't even need jordan anymore becuz all the memories would eb gone anyway.

why why why?
i kno i can't do it physically becuz anything i do to us hurts every1 but...


i KNOW i end up causing blackouts for kyle i dont try to but i betya he'll be confuesd that this is posted cuz hes been prety much gone yesterday and today.
i KNOW im a fucking neusance im too much younger to matter and im in the way.

why cant i just be out of the way dammit? stop bothering everyone.

i wanna cut.
can't tho. we JUST got over some infection shit and i dn wanna make things more of a pain in the ass..

fuck.
help?

[Filipe]

I know what it is to feel like an obstacle.. It's a lot of pressure upon us... I have felt like that, and sometimes i still do... But you need to stay strong... If you're crying, feeling sorry about yourself and cutting yourself, you will ALWAYS be a nuisance... However... If you stay strong... Help whenever you can... Do great deeds... And above all, stand out as a good person... You won't ever be seen as a nuisance again...
STAY STRONG!!!!!!

I'm here if you need anything :3
I wish you the best... Take Care, Kyle

[ShatteredWings]

she forgot to sign it.
that's morgan =| (both by font/color and the fact that vt was on silver blue again) And yes we got OK from steph to let her post when she wants/needs to.
i need to talk to her.

[Sith Lord 13]

Morgan, have you thought about what happens when you go away? Kyle gets all those memories back. Is that really what you want? To just flood him with those memories? Would he be able to handle that?

Morgan, Kyle, Jordan, the three of you need to talk about this. Do you three want to spend the rest of your life as three separate people in one body? Or do you want to try and re-integrate? If you want to live as 3 people, no one can stop you. No one can force you to re-integrate. But if you three decide to re-integrate, perhaps it's time to seek counseling.

[ShatteredWings]

i need to talk to her.
Well thats working well ain't it?
i dnt even kno how to unblock you rite now. idk, youve found backdoor before you still remember where it is?

Morgan, have you thought about what happens when you go away? Kyle gets all those memories back. Is that really what you want? To just flood him with those memories? Would he be able to handle that?

Morgan, Kyle, Jordan, the three of you need to talk about this. Do you three want to spend the rest of your life as three separate people in one body? Or do you want to try and re-integrate? If you want to live as 3 people, no one can stop you. No one can force you to re-integrate. But if you three decide to re-integrate, perhaps it's time to seek counseling.
No i take the god damn past with me. and even if i didnt hes older he shld be able to ahndle it better than i can after a few more years to recovr and w/e...

and actualy 4. but tyler is the only one of us who's 'normal'... somehow...

if i left every1 would intigrate anyway. no need for jordan and if all the past is gone he wont be so overwhelmed and wont need someone to REMIND him to do stuf like eat and notcut/cleanup... tyler could just choose to go and all will be right.

srsly im just in the way. i hate it and i cant even cry rite now idunno why. it's so stupid
i shodnt even be hre anyway i mean realy wtf?

i mean hes gona be a junior (yr 11) in august. im fucking 13. most of his frends scare me for stupid reasons. im too stupid to be able to do schoo stuf if i neded to we're gona be gettin a job, colelges, all that stuff and he's got some kid tagging along most of the time.
why fucking bother?



edit: after tonite it seems that we have NO internal communication again.
its my fault im sorry.

[Sith Lord 13]

The problem is Morgan, you can't just disappear. Your only option is to reintegrate. If that's what you want, then it's time to seek counseling.

No one personality is responsible for the problems of the others. If the other personalities require someone to remind them to eat, that has nothing to do with you. You are responsible for your actions, and only your actions Morgan. Yes, sometimes you're going to have to deal with the aftermath of the actions of one of the other personalities. That's one of the downsides of sharing a body with another person. But that doesn't mean it was your fault.

I know what it's like to not be able to cry. I know how much it sucks.I'm yet to figure out a solution to that. Sorry.

Don't say you shouldn't be here. You're here for a reason. You're here to help protect the rest of the personalities from the past. Every personality has a reason to exist. Every personality has a purpose.

Morgan, I know I haven't talked to you much, but you sure don't seem stupid to me. Don't worry about things that aren't an issue yet. Let the other personalities handle the schoolwork if it's too much for you.

For the no internal communication, have you tried meditation? I find that helps sometimes. Otherwise, just use good old pen and paper until you figure out how to start talking to each other again.

[ShatteredWings]

We are truly living in the modern age. We've been sending IMs (away messages) to communicate. somewhat anyway. it's something. and i read her posts (another site)

the not cryng thing has been effecting everyone. I think at some point we're going to take a long shower and try to relax enough to cry.

personally i dont think she's a 'bother' or anything like that, i just don't really know how to convince her of that. for some reason i think she's finding any 'extra' attention payed to her convincing her of her point, but ignoring has the exact same problem and im not going to do that.

tho i know why she's paranoid about school work.
once she offered to do a take home copying assignemnt for me and i let her. I wouldn't ask her to do anything major ever, i know shes not able to handle that i'd find tyler if the situation arose

meditation would be known as a fail. 1 mind going 100mph is too much to reach that state, let alone 2 or more.

At this point i think she realizes that she can't kill one without taking everyone else. This could go either way. but the fact of her not wanting to hurt anyone else is pretty strong. With any luck tonight she'll have had enough time to calm down (not being 'in control' of the body for most of the day) and someone will be able to reach through to her to talk.

[Sith Lord 13]

We are truly living in the modern age. We've been sending IMs (away messages) to communicate. somewhat anyway. it's something. and i read her posts (another site)

Awesome. The wonders of the internet hunh?

the not cryng thing has been effecting everyone. I think at some point we're going to take a long shower and try to relax enough to cry.

That might work. Crying can really be helpful I find.

personally i dont think she's a 'bother' or anything like that, i just don't really know how to convince her of that. for some reason i think she's finding any 'extra' attention payed to her convincing her of her point, but ignoring has the exact same problem and im not going to do that.

Morgan, I'm addressing this specifically at you. You're not a bother. You contribute. Every personality plays its own role, and you're playing yours. That doesn't make you a bother.

tho i know why she's paranoid about school work.
once she offered to do a take home copying assignemnt for me and i let her. I wouldn't ask her to do anything major ever, i know shes not able to handle that i'd find tyler if the situation arose

You see Morgan, you have nothing to worry about as far as school goes.

meditation would be known as a fail. 1 mind going 100mph is too much to reach that state, let alone 2 or more.

OK. Maybe try loosing yourself in music then? Focusing on the sound may slow down your mind enough to let you reach the same kind of state reached through meditation.

At this point i think she realizes that she can't kill one without taking everyone else. This could go either way. but the fact of her not wanting to hurt anyone else is pretty strong. With any luck tonight she'll have had enough time to calm down (not being 'in control' of the body for most of the day) and someone will be able to reach through to her to talk.

I hope so. If any of you ever need someone to talk to, my MSN and Skype are on my profile.

[ShatteredWings]

Morgan, I'm addressing this specifically at you. You're not a bother. You contribute. Every personality plays its own role, and you're playing yours. That doesn't make you a bother.

You see Morgan, you have nothing to worry about as far as school goes.
i have not been thinkingl lately obvislty and im sorry. i still dnt wanna do this but... what choice is there rite? either way w/e.

thx for sayin that tho. tyler last night was saying the same thing on both... i need to learn to trust ppl the first time they say it. =\ stupid stupid.

[Sith Lord 13]

i have not been thinkingl lately obvislty and im sorry. i still dnt wanna do this but... what choice is there rite? either way w/e.

thx for sayin that tho. tyler last night was saying the same thing on both... i need to learn to trust ppl the first time they say it. =\ stupid stupid.

You're not stupid. You're cautious. You've been hurt in the past, right? Once bitten, twice shy. Being cautious isn't bad. But you do need to learn to trust again. It'll just take time.