am i right to feel depressed

[Sensitive]

For most of my life every time something is good in my life and i am opening up, my heart is ripped out time and time again and now most of it is scar. I didn't have a normal childhood, my split personality neice was staying with us because her mom had dumped her on us. She was threatening me and my brothers life time and time again. This set my socializing skills back 2 years. The only thing I can remember from tht time was flashbacks of my mom looking at my shoulders where adult size fingertips were bruised into my shoulder and me not remembering how or when i had gotten them. School was aweful always it didn't matter what i was doing or where i was. i am odd but I tried with people. They just tore me down time after time not letting me be who I am without making me out to be a freak. When at the end of my fourth grade year i had moved I was new and very unusuall. For my antics and attitude I was dissliked immediatly. The bullying got so bad was in a hospital for a broken leg. I didn't know it was broken for an entire month, I thought I had torn a muscle. To add on to this my parents had paid attention to me more which my brother hates and makes me pay for every day, saying I am useless and i could not live in the real world and points out that I have no friends. I hold everything in everything because I am an introvert. Now i am finding out friends I have held close really hated me. They were using me for my intellect so they could get good grades. I am overweight but losing weight. I can't talk about something i have held in without crying. I have been here time and time again. Every time I take a step into the world i am torn up. I am happy on the outside but dead on the inside. I hide in the ignorance of happiness, shrouded by my blindness, and deafened by my intollorence. I am losing my house in foreclosure, my world is never on an upswing. Does living have a point when everyone hates you and you are scared on the inside. Time can not heal all wounds it just makes it easier to handle some pain. I have pondered suicide, but at that i am left with more suffering. By day and by night in shining light the glimmer of red hide with no glimpse of the rot inside. :(

[Jagster]

Okay, 2 things...
1) If I was going to your school, I'd help you through it, even if it meant risking broken parts of my body.
2) Suicide is never an option. All it does is give the bullies a sense of accomplishment.

[Sensitive]

i thank you for your contribution and your sinserity, but suicide isn't the answer for me i don't want to spend an eternity in hell. I would go out with a bang not with a whimper

[derkderpderp]

hey firstly-
well done,really truly well done for coming here after going through that.


Ok now about keeping things inside-it clouds feelings and judgement,it controls you and that sucks.
So-vent,scream,shout,talk to your parents,draw,write whatever.just let it out,and then attempt to overcome problems.

Seriously get to someone you can trust,and authorative figure like the police,social workers,a teacher at school!it will help?

[Sensitive]

yeah i know it will help but i can't trust people, everytime i open up my heart is ripped open and cut and jabbed repeatedly

[derkderpderp]

ok,then vent on your own,sit down one night and try to let it all out in any way.
Crying helps.
I know it makes you feel worse at first but personally once its all out you feel better.

Or set goals for yourself to overcome problems,and they MUST be overcome.
Do you have any sort of student mentor programme in your school?if they do-go to them,or somebody in an older class.
Or any older siblings?even your brother bc it may give him a sense of responsibility and make him stop hurting you?

[Filipe]

I've been through exactly the same shit you did.. I mean EXACTLY.. Even the brother part.. But it got better now... My heart hurts like hell when i think to myself "What the hell?" I have no-one to talk to, my friends left me and i never had anything close to a girl"... I'm not going to tell you i'm good now.. But i'm MUCH better, i'll tell you why...
I FOUND SOMETHING I'M GOOD AT! (producing)
Now my friends think they are cool because they listen to music.. Oh well.. I make it... :D
And it boosts my confidence everyday... I even made new friends... REAL friends... That stick with me...

Look.. You need to be confident... Just find something you're good at and focus on being better...

If you need anything... I am here...

take care