For fucks sake, IT'S BACK.

[Triceratops]

---------- Content removed because I don't want anyone else to be reminded of how sick and twisted I am. ----------

[Kaius]

Marcie, I've never been through what you're describing but I know you can beat it. You said yourself you've come so far to get to where you are now, and i know it can be easy to slip into old habits but you've got to stay strong. In some respect i think it may be a good idea for your mum to get in touch with a counsellor/therapist, to give you that outlet of venting your feelings to someone that can genuinely help you one step at a time. It's not that she thinks of you like that, its more of the fact she knows she can't give you that little bit more support that you need, and so she wants to give you that. Now schools over with it will be more of a chance for you to relax over the next few weeks. Take a break from regular activities, take long walks, watch movies or read. Just relax a little bit, you'll be amazed at how much something so small can change things like that. If you need to talk you know where to find me, alright?

[CuriousZach]

dont bring yourself down, you're the only one who decides who's better than you. Don't obsess over your weight, you can always get rid of it if you want, i think your face is pretty and your hair is nice from what i see in that picture. Whatever is making you feel bad, get rid of it. and by that i mean, whoever is bringin you down or whatever is influencing you. if its yourself, then you need to stop thinkin like that, everyone has imperfections and insecurities. You need to love yourself and not give a fuck about what idiots have to say. If they're not there to make you happy and have fun, they're not worth it. Don't give up, i know its stupid to say this but try and think positive even if there's no bright side. If you mom threatens you, laugh. laugh at how pathetic it is for a mother to be threatenin her own blood. Find the things that make you happy and stick with them, stay with a positive and logical mind.
Sorry if this hasnt helped. I'm really new to VT. if you ever need to talk i'm here.

P.S. TRASH that psychiatrist, cause clearly he/she aint done shit if you're thinkin about suicide.

[overcome.]

This is one of the only times I've ever read something here, and genuinely felt sadness. I mean from me, reading it. I can't relate with bulimia, but I can relate with a phobia. It's consuming like people wouldn't believe, huh? From the moment you wake up until the moment you drop off to sleep, it's there, beneath your skin, in your head and it won't go away. I know what it's like to hope like there's no tomorrow, and still feel like crap, because it's getting you nowhere. I'm genuinely sorry to hear about what your mum has said. I can only begin to try and imagine how that must have hurt. I read an article on bulimia just two days ago, and it hit some nerves with a coping method I used to have for anxiety, which was constant sickness. It wasn't quite as consuming, but it was getting to the stage where it'd be almost on a daily basis. I know what it's like to be in a suicidal frame of mind. I've thought of ways to do it, too, and things that I could do. I was so disgusted with what I'd become, I wanted to slit my own throat.

I admire you, quite a bit infact. I think that you will have a bright future, really. I can't help but wish I was as smart as you were at 16/17. I didn't have the knowledge I have now through easy times, I developed it through hard times, which I know you've done too. You will have a wonderful life, even if it sounds like the biggest load of crap to you right now, even if you'd want to shoot anybody even mentioning something like that. You will. You will look back on these days as the toughest of your life, darker than anything you've experienced, but you'll be there, and you'll be the strongest person imagineable. The strongest person, looking at the others who doubted you, having satisfaction in knowing that you've made it, through pure will, hard work and inner strength that I know you have. My words may not mean a lot, after all, I'm just some guy on the internet who's going through his own personal hell. But if you'd ever want to speak, I'm around. Don't give up on yourself, Marcie. You can be who you want to be.

[Cloud]

I might not know how it is to go through that, but i sure as hell know you well enough. You and i both know your too smart and talented to blow it all for something like this, And yea it may seem major now, as does every problem you have right in the middle of it, but ive seen you be happy and exstatic and your random hyper self leaving me 10 minute voicemail messages on my phone where you forget to hang up during the calm time where everything was going right.

Now if you honestly do think it would be the best option to kill yourself then im sorry but i have to agree with your mum.
You have until september to sit back and chill
no school or exams to stress over, just Marcie time, 2 months ish to get everything sorted out for you again. So read your books and get your life back because if i dont hear what you got in your exams from you im going to be extremely pissed off.

[Triceratops]

Sorry it's taken a long time to respond, but I couldn't face looking back at this thread once I'd posted it.

I wasn't even a little bit stressed over exams, so I know it wasn't anything to do with that. It's a tough time convincing that to my parents though, lol.

I know what causes me to freak out like this, and it's a combination of things just all reacting together all at once. I think the only person that knows properly would be Rikki.

I don't really know what to say, other than thank you and I appreciate the replies and support you all offer me. I honestly don't deserve it, because I just don't help myself - I don't really know how to without any professional guidance.

Take care everyone.

P.S. I'm locking this thread now, because I just want this to be forgotten about.