fear of water...?

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

it's been a while since i've posted, but i just need to write this down. i have always had an intense fear of water, whether it's a bathtub or a pool or the ocean. especially the ocean. my mother tells me i would scream bloody murder near bath time when i was a kid. all i can think of around water is something coming out of the depths to capture me. i can't get on a boat without visualizing it capsizing and trapping me. i hyperventilate and have panic attacks most of the time when i'm in water. even in pools, i can't be the one closest to the deep end. i know it's morbid, but i feel safer if people are closer to deeper water than me. if they get attacked, i'll know and be able to escape. it's gotten worse since i've been confronting it with my psychiatrist; her office has big windows that overlook a bay. all i can do is stare out the window and think about drowning. it's awful.

i've also had trouble sleeping lately. my mother would chock it up to lack of exercise and a bad mattress, and that might be half true. i'm kinda lethargic, probably cause i lost my meds... :whoops: oops. i don't want to tell her anything, she just pisses me off.

i'm just venting, if this needs to be moved then i don't care. i just want to talk to somebody, and i don't have anyone right now. i wanna talk about a few things i've had problems with, like my family.

message me or something. if someone else needs to talk, i'm here. i just want to communicate with someone besides my distant father or happy-go-lucky-no-help-at-all-mother. i'm not trying to evoke pity, i just want to talk with somebody my age. my friends and i haven't exactly seen eye-to-eye lately... :confused:

there are quite a few things not okay and not normal about my day-to-day life. like my mother's 27 yr old boyfriend while my step-dad she's divorcing still lives in the house and sleeps in the same bed as her. and my 10 yr old half brother has no idea about any of it, which is just cruel. i knew about my parent's divorce from the start, even if i was too young to understand. i found my mom's stash of pot, which she lied to my face about. i know for a fact she smokes with her boyfriend when he's in town. i think her bf is awesome, he's so much fun, but for god's sake, they offered my cousin a hit! :mad: i was asleep at the time, but my cousin told me. and i trust her.
my mom doesn't get mad when she catches me high but busts a cap in my ass when i'm drunk. i don't get it.

can anyone make sense of this?? i sure as hell can't. :confused: of course, the stuff in this post isn't everything, but if you're curious about the rest i don't really give a shit. message me and ask.

i just want some advice. NEED some advice.

Please don't share your contact into in posts - Syvelocin

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

Morgan, i have the same fear with water-but it only is when i in a pool, deep end i FREAK out, i cant be in the deep end at all even if someone is there i just swim away while choking on water.

Your sleep troubles are probably cause of a bad mattress, lack of excersize AND dealing with everything thats going on around you. Ild say do what i do, take a allergy pill before you sleep, they were originally used for sleep problems, may help you fall asleep. Second try flipping your mattress over, for a week, and then tell me if your sleeping any better just with the mattress.

Im with you on another thing, i haven't seen any of my friends eye-to-eye in i can't remember. So ive been on here a lot reading others problems and others responses.

I don't know what it is like to have divorced parents or step-anythings. So ill just give you something you can try out; might not work at all but i want you to be happier; when u feel like smoking, draw someone smoking instead, take a nice hot shower, or someone i know does this, put an ice cub under your arm until the urge stops. I know how cold it will be, ive tried it and i can't stand it, but when you wanna get high or get drunk watch a movie or splash cold water on your face or go on here and tell me ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT IS ON YOUR MIND, because dealing with drugs or alcohol is bad for your health, and having your parents do it is even worse temptation, but just try those suggestions out and let me know how it works out.

If you want to you can tell me anything else and i will give you some more advice. I have some questions about your mom but i dont wanna offend you so tell me more.

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

nothing you ask will offend me, i'm glad to talk to someone who won't be analyzing me in a plushy office. :P just PM me

[soccer8]

umm i do not believe she can pm you until you have 100 posts correct me if im wrong sorry

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

really? i didn't know that. okay nevermind then, just ask here. :P oops i'm such a noob

[delta]

When I was in primary school, I used to be afraid of the deep end of pools. A teacher noticed, and forced me to move a little closer each time. A few months later, I had no problems with the deep end at all.

Also, I used to be afraid of the little things on the bottom, believing they would suck me in... I would panic whenever someone dragged me directly above one. I later discovered water comes out of those things. :whoops: I'm still not completely over that one, but I can push the thought far enough back that I don't think about it.

If you ever need to talk, my MSN is in my profile.

[enjoying_my_insanity]

i dont have similar problems to you as my parents are together and i was raised around water and nvr did drugs but if you dont like the way your mom is acting then dont follow in her footsteps by doing drugs, also confront her about these things and make her listen because you deserve to have a mom who cares and helps you with these problems and if you need anything im here and almost always on aim so VM me of you wanna talk or vent :)