screamtobeheard
July 9th, 2010, 12:20 AM
Yeah. So. I don't know what's wrong with me. But it's one a.m. I used to stay up this late all the time but lately it's kind of weird. I should be asleep. I'm not supposed to be awake. But I was kept up by the thoughts in my head. I don't know, I guess they're mine. I feel crazy. I just hate myself. I ate too much today. I hate that I care. I hate that it bothers me. I haven't written a song in forever. I hate that, because music is all I'm good for. Now I'm completely useless and I can't deal with that. I just...hate myself. And I feel so alone. I come so close to wanting someone to understand, but it's not the kind of thing you can understand without going through it, and I hate myself for even almost wishing this on someone, anyone. Even my best friend says there's something wrong with me. And I believe her. There most definitely is. I mean, I'm sitting in a closet writing this to distract myself. I'm so upset. So upset I feel physically sick. And I can barely breath. I just hate this all. On the bright side, I haven't cut. I have bitten and scratched pretty damn bad though. But no cuts. And that's all anyone really cares about. So it keeps me looking fine. Although I'm not sure why I care anymore. I'm just so confused right now.
Sorry, about this rant. There's not even any point in this post. It's just...I needed to let it out.
Sorry, about this rant. There's not even any point in this post. It's just...I needed to let it out.