I'm confused.

[screamtobeheard]

I don't even know if this is in the right spot...I'm just really confused right now. I don't even know what's going on. I mean, I do. It's just...weird. I hate my body so much. Which is why I barely eat. But then I feel bad for not eating and I wonder, does that make me a freak? I don't want to be a freak, but it's more important to be thin, so I stick to my original thought. Food is bad. But then the few times when I actually do eat, I freak out. And I cut. It's a punishment, and maybe if I punish myself I won't do it again. I just don't feel normal anymore, but I want to. I want to be just like any other 16 year old, and be able to eat whenever I want to instead of when I'm forced to. And then my mom found one of my cuts. Or two. I didn't remember making two, but there were definitely two there. The day I did them, I was in bad mental condition, obviously, but I purposely scattered them around my body so no one would think anything of them, but for some reason my mom is still suspicious, so I'm really nervous about that.

[Aspiringanonymous]

Hugs for you, Amanda. :hug3:

Be aware that combating confusion with thoughts generated by that very confusion will only serve to feed it and make things even more difficult. It's okay to not know what to think or do. In times of uncertainty, hold on only to the recognition that everything is uncertain and no more. As one cannot confidently determine which set of thoughts deserve to be trusted, it is in one's best interest to be equally cautious of all.

Your main objective right now is to break through the confusion, or at the very least, avoid being pulled into an inner muck that will void you completely of the ability to reason and observe objectively. Focus on this - not the jumble of thoughts that are pulling you in a dozen different directions right now. Perhaps it will help to think this way - each one is an independent mental entity, and they exist within you, but are not a part of you. You will still be you, in their complete absence. Perceive one's essence as integrally separate from it all, and it will lose much of its power over you.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on your specific concerns, but I do hope that you will find some clarity and inner guidance soon. :hug3:

[screamtobeheard]

That's a new way to think about things. I'm going to try to start thinking like that and hopefully I'll find some answers. Thanks so much, that's really good advice.

[saintweasel]

In addition to Maya's advice, I'd like to add that there are many exterior forces causing so many young girls to have low self-esteem. The media is a major player in this huge societal problem, and each of us should try to strengthen ourselves to combat what the media says is beautiful, worthy, or "normal."

No matter what all the girls at school do, no matter what all the magazines seem to portray, and whatever is "in" has no monopoly on how you should live your life or think of yourself.

The most important thing is whether you're healthy. Not eating has never been something healthy to do in anyone's books, especially if you're at an age of development; the best way instead would be to go on a healthy diet involving regular exercise and proper nutrition.

As to how you see yourself (and if you still feel like your self-worth needs to be compared to others), I honestly believe everyone is a freak --but we should be proud of whatever makes us unique.

[This sounds so cliche, and may not be the best advice but what I'm trying to say is only YOU have a say of how YOU should be. Others don't give a crap, because humans are inherently selfish! :) ]

Although you may not like confronting your mother about your issue --it is quite normal to feel this way as a young teen-- I think that it would only help you if you resolved that with her.


All the best!

[screamtobeheard]

Yeah, I really ought to work on my eating issues. Lol thanks for your advice. That post made me smile. (: You're probably right though. I do need to resolve this stuff with her.

[Shortkid]

Try this: imagine for a moment that u are really 2 separate beings. One inhabits the body and one is completely spirit. The spirit one is the one that really matters, its the one thats with u forever. These bodys--eh they come and go. Don't get too hung up over the one your spirit is currently inhabiting.

[SneakBrain]

u not a freak when u stop eating i call that a diet to keep in shape, just eat healthy or u can do what i do; i eat healthy everyday except on Friday i eat everything in my face if someone try to stop me i will kick them in the face :P

beside u are a teenager food dont really affect u. teenagers just shit what they ate.

[screamtobeheard]

Chris - That's a good way to think about it, I guess. Thanks.

Mohannad - Haha thanks.