I actually...miss it?

[thatzoeygirl]

Cutting used to be a horrible problem for me. I used to cut over any silly problem I could think of, from being yelled at, to failing a test. It became so bad, I could barely find a place on my arm to put another. Even when my parents and close friends found out, I would still do it, and then cut myself more for being such a "disappointment".

I haven't self-harmed myself since May of 2009. A solid year has passed, but it's still hard. Whenever I hear someone talk about it, it takes me back, and I am so tempted to do it again. I love watching myself bleed, and I always have, even when I was little; If I scraped my knee I would stare at it rather than cry for my mother like any other child.

Is it normal to "miss" it? Even when I can -usually- handle my problems through writing in my journal and drawing? There's times when it's all I can do to keep myself from shutting myself in my room and attacking myself...

Again I ask, is this "normal" to be so..attached to seeing yourself harmed in any way?

[MadManWithaBox]

You're addicted to the pain, and the relief pain gives you. When you cut, or get injured, your body releases endorphins, to give you relief, which is what you experience, the feeling of pleasure. Just.. you've done a year, which is great. Keep going. Aim for 2 years, 3 years, forever. So long you won't ever want to cut, ever again. Bury the past, and move into th future, the now, your friends, family, life. PM me if you needs to

[Scarface]

Yes. In common terms (sorry to use a poor example), but alcoholics even though becoming sober still have the urge to drink. Sometime the urge is triggered when visiting old places, seeing old people, common places and or things.

It is normal for people to have thoughts about it. As it is a customary thing that you had done for quite some time. So the memories are still fresh. I am glad that you have found good distractions. Having a journal is a great way to vent about things going on, to get them off your chest and as a good distraction by using your hands.

I sure am glad that you have stopped and you are a year free of the addiction keep it going and don't let any of these thoughts take you back to it, because you clearly know that it was no help to you. You're doing great, keep it up.

Good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here VM me anytime.

[Wish]

To be honest, nothing about self-harm is normal and so I wouldn't ever give you an answer one way or the other. However, you seem to know that something is wrong with being addicted to whatever it was that self-harm did for you. Usually, self-harm is used as a coping mechanism for your problems, be that in getting through the day, a form of punishment, simply pain etc. The list goes on. There will be a problem/s behind the pain. I am a firm believer in aiding the causes not the symptoms. Self-harm, the coping mechanism, is a symptom of the causes. You take that symptom/help away and you will crumble- you've done incredibly to get this far without doing anything.

I think that you should look into the reasons you need self-harm in the first place. I know you said you cut over tests or arguments but that seems to be when self-harm got extreme for you, so what might have set it off? Remember, you cannot offset these symptoms without assessing the causes- it isn't possible and is why you need to deal with it.

Take care xx

[Mike321]

As with any addiction, once you stop doing it, even if it has been a year or more, you will miss it.
Like Ronnie said when you talk about it, it brings back the memories of it. And as you know, you dont want to go back to doing it, it never helps things
Well done for going a year without cutting and its good that you have found ways of keeping yourself distracted