ErykaInspire.
July 1st, 2010, 10:22 AM
Two days ago was the ten-year anniversary of my little brothers death.
June 8th, 2000, I was blessed with the most beautiful baby brother that I've ever laid eyes on. He was born four months early and couldn't survive without dialysis and life support. I was only seven years old, but I remember that day perfectly...
It's 9:00am and my dad is rushing my brother and I out the door. A million questions are rushing through my head, one new question after another- constantly. I try asking daddy what's wrong but all he replies with is "Put your seat belt on" or "Eryka, Please. Not now".
So I sit back in my seat and watch as my town fades away, the highway flies by, and the hospital comes into view. A two hour car ride never felt like a few seconds. Dad must have been speeding.
I look over and I can hear my brothers music from his CD player, blaring. He's been distant with me since Riley was born. I reach over to touch his hand but he jerks away from me, Practically laying on the door.
When we get to the hospital, daddy lets me push the elevator button. F5- Maternity on the left.
Walking down the isles of babies, I know exactly what one is my brother. The glass box and machines surrounding it, makes it pretty easy to find.
All I can remember is pressing my hands to the glass and wishing with all my heart to just feel his skin..
His mouth is scarred from all the tape, and there's wounds on his stomach from all the needles and tubes. A baby so precious shouldn't have to be treated like this.
I was angry.
I started screaming at the nurse: "STOP HURTING HIM! THAT'S MY BROTHER! CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING!? LOOK AT HIM!!"
My dad put a hand on my shoulder and explained that my baby brother was very sick. And at that moment, Riley opened his eyes and looked right at me.
I'll never forget that smile.. Like a black hole.. Full of joy, but no hope. Full of life, but no longer living.
Moments later, he reached his hand towards the glass.. as if reaching for me, smiled again, and fell back asleep.
Then the heart monitor gave off one.. long. beep.
*Beep. Beep. Beep... Beep.... Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep...*
Riley Davan Nolan;
June 8th, 2000- June 29th, 2000.
Riley Davan Nolan, Your three weeks of life have had the most impact on me than my whole seventeen years of self-preservation. I'll never forget your smile. It's what's keeping me alive to this day. When I can't fight, I reach back to you and remember that you never gave up. I'll reach out to you until I can take your hand in mine.. like when you were reaching out for me.
I may not have been able to save you, but I'm living for you. And You're living through me.
I love you.
June 8th, 2000, I was blessed with the most beautiful baby brother that I've ever laid eyes on. He was born four months early and couldn't survive without dialysis and life support. I was only seven years old, but I remember that day perfectly...
It's 9:00am and my dad is rushing my brother and I out the door. A million questions are rushing through my head, one new question after another- constantly. I try asking daddy what's wrong but all he replies with is "Put your seat belt on" or "Eryka, Please. Not now".
So I sit back in my seat and watch as my town fades away, the highway flies by, and the hospital comes into view. A two hour car ride never felt like a few seconds. Dad must have been speeding.
I look over and I can hear my brothers music from his CD player, blaring. He's been distant with me since Riley was born. I reach over to touch his hand but he jerks away from me, Practically laying on the door.
When we get to the hospital, daddy lets me push the elevator button. F5- Maternity on the left.
Walking down the isles of babies, I know exactly what one is my brother. The glass box and machines surrounding it, makes it pretty easy to find.
All I can remember is pressing my hands to the glass and wishing with all my heart to just feel his skin..
His mouth is scarred from all the tape, and there's wounds on his stomach from all the needles and tubes. A baby so precious shouldn't have to be treated like this.
I was angry.
I started screaming at the nurse: "STOP HURTING HIM! THAT'S MY BROTHER! CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING!? LOOK AT HIM!!"
My dad put a hand on my shoulder and explained that my baby brother was very sick. And at that moment, Riley opened his eyes and looked right at me.
I'll never forget that smile.. Like a black hole.. Full of joy, but no hope. Full of life, but no longer living.
Moments later, he reached his hand towards the glass.. as if reaching for me, smiled again, and fell back asleep.
Then the heart monitor gave off one.. long. beep.
*Beep. Beep. Beep... Beep.... Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep...*
Riley Davan Nolan;
June 8th, 2000- June 29th, 2000.
Riley Davan Nolan, Your three weeks of life have had the most impact on me than my whole seventeen years of self-preservation. I'll never forget your smile. It's what's keeping me alive to this day. When I can't fight, I reach back to you and remember that you never gave up. I'll reach out to you until I can take your hand in mine.. like when you were reaching out for me.
I may not have been able to save you, but I'm living for you. And You're living through me.
I love you.