Spinder
June 30th, 2010, 11:37 PM
I've learnt not to expect anything from anyone. At first, they would always say, "Oh, you're such a beautiful girl.." and then, they would just start hating me, and I don't know why. I had no idea what I said to offend them so badly. I tried so hard to be a good person, but they would not have any of it, and insisted on beating me down emotionally every chance they got. I don't know what I did so wrong.
Nobody would help, with anything, nobody cared, nobody would help, in my most desperate hour... they would not help, I was left to fend for myself, all alone, with no one to turn to. And that time... all of those times, he hurt me, hit me, put me in a chokehold, threw me to ground, kicked me in my ribs, my back, my head, punched me, pushed me, threw me into a wall... I tried, I tried to tell someone, but nobody cared. Nobody would help. Tried to escape... but couldn't, couldn't escape, tried so hard, but I couldn't do it alone. But I was alone... nobody cared... nobody would help.
Beating... hurt... outside... by the playground, by the community shed, by the traffic circle... all of the poor neighborhood kids that had to witness that... but they couldn't do anything... they told the adults about it, but nothing was ever done about it... nobody cared enough to do anything...
Beside the shed... he shoved me... went flying backwards, landed on a pile of wood, hit my head, hurt... knocked the wind out of my lungs, couldn't breathe for a couple of seconds... terrified... they saw, two seven year old girls that I was friends with... they were horrified, went and got an adult, she came and ordered me to come away from the shed... didn't hear what she said next... ran as fast as I could back to my house, slammed the door, locked it... I was having a very bad anxiety attack, I knew, because I was so short of breathe, my chest felt tight, I could barely breathe... I could barely move, because my knees were so weak, all of my muscles just felt so weak, my head was spinning, was crying... I'm glad my mother was not home at the time.
Try hard, to be strong... try not to think about it... but the memory, all the memories, still haunt me... whenever I get thinking about it, I start trembling, start to feel panicky, my heart starts pounding, I start sweating... just stare at the wall, sometimes, lost in thought... I don't know if I will ever get over the memory of it, the pain, oh, the pain... and the hurt, how much it hurt, that no one cared, no one would help.
All I wanted... only wanted, to feel liked, to feel accepted, by them... but no... they coldly turned their noses up at me, wouldn't help, wouldn't do anything... I was... alone... lost... helpless... nobody would do anything. Nobody cared. They all hated me and told me I was worthless... that I should just kill myself.
I was rejected.
Nobody would help, with anything, nobody cared, nobody would help, in my most desperate hour... they would not help, I was left to fend for myself, all alone, with no one to turn to. And that time... all of those times, he hurt me, hit me, put me in a chokehold, threw me to ground, kicked me in my ribs, my back, my head, punched me, pushed me, threw me into a wall... I tried, I tried to tell someone, but nobody cared. Nobody would help. Tried to escape... but couldn't, couldn't escape, tried so hard, but I couldn't do it alone. But I was alone... nobody cared... nobody would help.
Beating... hurt... outside... by the playground, by the community shed, by the traffic circle... all of the poor neighborhood kids that had to witness that... but they couldn't do anything... they told the adults about it, but nothing was ever done about it... nobody cared enough to do anything...
Beside the shed... he shoved me... went flying backwards, landed on a pile of wood, hit my head, hurt... knocked the wind out of my lungs, couldn't breathe for a couple of seconds... terrified... they saw, two seven year old girls that I was friends with... they were horrified, went and got an adult, she came and ordered me to come away from the shed... didn't hear what she said next... ran as fast as I could back to my house, slammed the door, locked it... I was having a very bad anxiety attack, I knew, because I was so short of breathe, my chest felt tight, I could barely breathe... I could barely move, because my knees were so weak, all of my muscles just felt so weak, my head was spinning, was crying... I'm glad my mother was not home at the time.
Try hard, to be strong... try not to think about it... but the memory, all the memories, still haunt me... whenever I get thinking about it, I start trembling, start to feel panicky, my heart starts pounding, I start sweating... just stare at the wall, sometimes, lost in thought... I don't know if I will ever get over the memory of it, the pain, oh, the pain... and the hurt, how much it hurt, that no one cared, no one would help.
All I wanted... only wanted, to feel liked, to feel accepted, by them... but no... they coldly turned their noses up at me, wouldn't help, wouldn't do anything... I was... alone... lost... helpless... nobody would do anything. Nobody cared. They all hated me and told me I was worthless... that I should just kill myself.
I was rejected.