kysol
June 26th, 2010, 08:09 PM
hi all I'm not really sure with what is going on with me. let me start off by saying I'm a 19 year old man an i am currently in a relationship with a wonderful girl. that isn't the case though. i have been going through an obsession, with wondering if i am gay or not.i know i am not, or at least pretty sure i am not, i will tell you how of this all started.
i was sitting at a coffee joint near where i work and i looked up and there was a guy there bent over the counter and all i saw was his butt. i was able to shrug it off for a while and i couldn't forget about it so i started thinking about what happened for a while and ended up falling asleep. i got into the shower the next morning and was like eh, that doesn't mean i am gay... and i thought to myself i could remember the girls that i saw that day and starting drawing blanks but i remembered what happened earlier the the day before.
that brought up the thought "OMG I'm gay!" and sent me into an obsession where i was arguing with myself day and night if i was or not and it has been getting worse ever since. i even thought about it when i would do things where normally my mind would be clear. i would even be thinking about it while i was with my girlfriend, i would be making out with her and have these intruding thoughts of two guys making out and it repulsed me but i kept on going with my girl. i wanted them to just go away.
it did get a little better but i am confused at what is going on. i did get to a low point and while i was crying about all of this i thought i actually realized i was gay, i am still depressed all the time and I'm still confused at what is going on, I'm really not sure about my orientation for some reason although i "think" i am straight i also "think" i am gay at time too. i am confused right now because i haven't been really aroused by anything like that before except for the time me and a friend of mine experimented when we were much younger.
i still have the thought that i am gay but then i obsess about all the reasons why i am not. i also am not sure what feelings are real anymore, i think i love my girlfriend but I'm really not sure anymore. but when im really depressed i think about how i don't care about her anymore and how i should dump her, because "i am gay" but it makes me even more sad and makes me feel even worse about the whole thing.
i am pretty sure i am not gay but something in my head tells me otherwise I've only been in relationships with girls ever since i have started dating and i have been really into them. i was single for a really long time for months, until like two months ago when i started dating the girl i am with now, could anyone tell me what is going on? I've talked to my parents about the whole thing. they told me that they wouldn't care if i was gay. am i in denial? did anyone else have to go through this and could help me out?
i was sitting at a coffee joint near where i work and i looked up and there was a guy there bent over the counter and all i saw was his butt. i was able to shrug it off for a while and i couldn't forget about it so i started thinking about what happened for a while and ended up falling asleep. i got into the shower the next morning and was like eh, that doesn't mean i am gay... and i thought to myself i could remember the girls that i saw that day and starting drawing blanks but i remembered what happened earlier the the day before.
that brought up the thought "OMG I'm gay!" and sent me into an obsession where i was arguing with myself day and night if i was or not and it has been getting worse ever since. i even thought about it when i would do things where normally my mind would be clear. i would even be thinking about it while i was with my girlfriend, i would be making out with her and have these intruding thoughts of two guys making out and it repulsed me but i kept on going with my girl. i wanted them to just go away.
it did get a little better but i am confused at what is going on. i did get to a low point and while i was crying about all of this i thought i actually realized i was gay, i am still depressed all the time and I'm still confused at what is going on, I'm really not sure about my orientation for some reason although i "think" i am straight i also "think" i am gay at time too. i am confused right now because i haven't been really aroused by anything like that before except for the time me and a friend of mine experimented when we were much younger.
i still have the thought that i am gay but then i obsess about all the reasons why i am not. i also am not sure what feelings are real anymore, i think i love my girlfriend but I'm really not sure anymore. but when im really depressed i think about how i don't care about her anymore and how i should dump her, because "i am gay" but it makes me even more sad and makes me feel even worse about the whole thing.
i am pretty sure i am not gay but something in my head tells me otherwise I've only been in relationships with girls ever since i have started dating and i have been really into them. i was single for a really long time for months, until like two months ago when i started dating the girl i am with now, could anyone tell me what is going on? I've talked to my parents about the whole thing. they told me that they wouldn't care if i was gay. am i in denial? did anyone else have to go through this and could help me out?