AllDayErryDay
June 23rd, 2010, 09:44 PM
I know for a fact that I am depressed. It runs in my family actually: Three generations on both sides. It's in my genetics, yet I try and fight the inevitable... But to no avail.
I have seen a therapist for the past two months now, and my parents believe that it is doing me good. One a variable schedule, yes, it is - But in the long-run it's a totally different perspective. The therapist is of humanistic training, meaning that they try and get their patients to change their perspective on their issues to something more positive, and to not focus on the negative aspects of the situations they encounter, so that they do not drag themselves down.
I know the guy means well and everything, but in all honesty, it just isn't working. I feel good after the one-hour session, and a day or two afterwards, but then it is right back into the slump of my depression and all the baggage that comes along with it.
I've tried lifting weights and running, which the therapist said would help me overcome my negative feelings about myself, but it just doesn't help.
I just want the damn meds.
And the therapist refuses to sign the prescription for me, because it goes against his psychological perspective: The biological psychologists, that are so prevalent in the armed-forces, would be happy to throw me a bottle of anti-depressants, but this guy simply refuses because he thinks framing my entire life differently is the solution.
I'm calling bull on it all, and I want these sessions to just end already. My parents think otherwise.
All of this money is being spent to try and get myself happy, and in a good state of mind - All in time before I am supposed to go off to college, but it just isn't working.
The depressive thoughts continue to strengthen their hold over me, and I am experiencing a mixture of emotions toward this humbling realization: I am, in general, pissed off to no end that I cannot find my own sense of contentment with my life, yet I also have this feeling of fascination with the depression. You know, when you see some movies, there is a character that gets screwed over so badly, and is left with absolutely nothing except his own sorrow? Well, in a way, I envy that person. In a way, I WANT that horrible loneliness and sorrow.
Complex right?
Well, I've been dealing with this fluxuation in emotion ever since I was fifteen years old, and it has not lifted its burden from me at all.
This is in a way a reaching out of my own effort, to try and find some source of advice from the community of people that browse these forums, and also in a way, a plea for help, as the suicidal thoughts have slowly begun to plague me once more - Not as prevalent as in the past, but they certainly are there.
If you've read this far - Thank you.
I have seen a therapist for the past two months now, and my parents believe that it is doing me good. One a variable schedule, yes, it is - But in the long-run it's a totally different perspective. The therapist is of humanistic training, meaning that they try and get their patients to change their perspective on their issues to something more positive, and to not focus on the negative aspects of the situations they encounter, so that they do not drag themselves down.
I know the guy means well and everything, but in all honesty, it just isn't working. I feel good after the one-hour session, and a day or two afterwards, but then it is right back into the slump of my depression and all the baggage that comes along with it.
I've tried lifting weights and running, which the therapist said would help me overcome my negative feelings about myself, but it just doesn't help.
I just want the damn meds.
And the therapist refuses to sign the prescription for me, because it goes against his psychological perspective: The biological psychologists, that are so prevalent in the armed-forces, would be happy to throw me a bottle of anti-depressants, but this guy simply refuses because he thinks framing my entire life differently is the solution.
I'm calling bull on it all, and I want these sessions to just end already. My parents think otherwise.
All of this money is being spent to try and get myself happy, and in a good state of mind - All in time before I am supposed to go off to college, but it just isn't working.
The depressive thoughts continue to strengthen their hold over me, and I am experiencing a mixture of emotions toward this humbling realization: I am, in general, pissed off to no end that I cannot find my own sense of contentment with my life, yet I also have this feeling of fascination with the depression. You know, when you see some movies, there is a character that gets screwed over so badly, and is left with absolutely nothing except his own sorrow? Well, in a way, I envy that person. In a way, I WANT that horrible loneliness and sorrow.
Complex right?
Well, I've been dealing with this fluxuation in emotion ever since I was fifteen years old, and it has not lifted its burden from me at all.
This is in a way a reaching out of my own effort, to try and find some source of advice from the community of people that browse these forums, and also in a way, a plea for help, as the suicidal thoughts have slowly begun to plague me once more - Not as prevalent as in the past, but they certainly are there.
If you've read this far - Thank you.