questions

[Barelythere]

ive fnally decided to go to the school counciller, but bout feeling depressed, not cutting, so i was wondering can u lot tell me if any of u no, will she tell my parents everything i say?
and i shouldnt tell her that i cut or feel suisidal should i?
i just want to no what im ment to say, i dont want to ge in trouble or nething, tbh i just want to b happy again! cya all xx

[Bobby]

Well at my school the conselor keeps complete confidentiality, exept when it involves harm of anyone. I would tell her, it's not going to get better if you don't ask for help. I think your parents would be proud that you asked for help, and admitted your problems. I would just flat out say to her "I cut because ....." whatever you have to say.

[BillyWitchDoctor.com]

yea, ur councelor would only tell ur parents if u were being harmed in some way, and i also think your parents would be proud of you for having the courage to do this. Having them feel that way would probably also give u the motivation and strength to stop cutting. but for other things, councelors i dont think are allowed to tell anyone, thats why you're supposed to go to them if u have problems. i know mine would keep things confidential except to my parents if things were serious, especially since im in highschool and they know that people dont want others knowing about that kind of stuff

[MoveAlong]

In any case, it's good that you're talking to someone :) This is a good decision! I'm not sure if she'll say anything, although most counselors are supposed to keep things confidential. I've talked to you before, and it seems like all of this could provoke her to say something to the parents. I want to you be sure that you can tell her about your family, too. Keep your points clear, and not just bugged out and with holes. Like this:

I don't want my parents to know, because I think they would hurt me for it (or something along the lines of that, depending on your situation)
Not
I don't want my parents to know, because they're just like that.

I hope that helps :)

[Barelythere]

thank you so much for the replys, the counsellor was in today, and although i was all up for talking to her yesterday, i totally freaked today, started worrying about it last nite and all this morning, like what to say what not to say, when i should say it, if id like her, ect so basically i totally chickened out and left b4 i talked to her, now my bf has moved back out of my house, coz my sister told him i wanted him gone, and to hurt me more he believes her, even tho he knows she lies, shes said to my tutor b4 that ive run away frm home, and told her tutor that i hit her, and told my rent that ive bn bunking school which got me grounded for a month, i cant beleve for one she saidit, if she did and 2 that he believes her, hes just turned it all around again so that his mum making him leave mine to go back home is my fault, its not bloody fair, what have i done for all this to happen, im never gunna escape am i, i hat this fcuking life i have:mad: :(

[Bobby]

It's okay that you didn't talk to the conselor. You need ti build up the courage to ask though.

[Whisper]

When I was going to my first psycologist I saw him for four appointments an hour long each and never said a word i wouldnt even look him in the eye...I couldnt
I tried to talk just...couldnt
halfway through the fith visit i pulled up a sleeve on my hoody really slowlyit felt like my arm weighted a thousand pounds and my sleeve was anchored I just stared at the floor

I remember he held my arm so gently and just talked to me
so i started whispering back
he was straining really hard to hear but he never told me to talk louder cause he knew i'd get scared and shut up

....yea
point is
it took me along time to be able to do it
I felt allot better afterwards
I was even smiling when I left

If I was you i'd tell her
i know its hard
but you'll feel allot better when you do
If you couldnt last time thats okay it took me 4 tries


In Canada anyway if your under 17 they will tell your parents or someone else if your harming yourself or are being harmed its there obligation to step in and try to help you

[Glasgow]

Wow, thats some story Cody. Seriously that insired me even more to be a social worker/psycologist. Anyways Harrie, i think you should really just let it all out to your councelor. Just tell him/her everything thats bothering you and everything you do, trust me. Thats what your supposed to do, thats the councelors job. To help you no matter what is troubling you.. So i strongly insist for you to tell your councelor everything, i tried to help abit, being a temporary councelor over MSN. But thats not good enough, dont chicken out, theres no need to be scared.

[Barelythere]

ughhh, im so angry rite now, im just reli frustraited, why does he control me like that? why does he have to trn everything into being about him?, hes not the only one hurting, i am too, but no1 seems to care enough to think past me just being a moody cow, well soory but tbh, i dont give a toss anymore, i cant go on pretending to b happy when im not, im sick of putting this mask on everyday acting happy for everyone, so they think everything in my life is fine, its always bn fine and always will, no 1 suspects anything badto have happened in my pathetic little sheltered life do they, coz im sheltered, i dont no anything im just sme stupid bimbo, thats oblivious to anyreal pain, god that drives me crazy when ppl think im like that, i just wanna scream at them, i no what pain is, unfortunalty, i wish i didnt, you try being abused by so many ppl, that u should b able to trust, then let the one person u finally do trust, u let them bcome manipualtive and try to control everything about you, this isnt a good expleantion of either how im feeling or whats appened to me, but im icreadbly angry and im v tired, so sorry if this dnt make sence, ill cme back and fix it when im not so tired, cya xxx

[mRojas2000]

I know what you mean... I'm feeling like that right now...
I live in italy... and my mom just started working... but before, it was all worst... my brother started stealing for these stupid yugioh cards. So one day we figured out he was the one stealing, and my stepfather, who is married with my mom (he used to be nice) got so mad, he didn't even speak to us for weeks... NOW we are a little starting to talk, but things are verry different.. well, all he cares now is about the money me and my brother spend (because, well, live here in italy isnt be best) and stuff... he used to be so nice with us... but now, we barely talk, and its just so not cool.. and i fear that my mom and he will split just because of my brother... they love each other, but anyone here at home stands him... hes just an asshole.

[Barelythere]

im sorry to hear times are hard for you atm hugs


god im at school rite now, just found vt isnt blocked on the school network!!! woohooo :D well thats the highlight of my day so far, im so stressed i cant consentrate which is reli effecting my work, im goin mad, i can barely stay awake but ive got this huge amount of energy inside me at the same time, i want to cut rite now like crazy, i want to slice up my arms so bad, but theres too many ppl and this school doesnt give you any privacy, ive got a blade with me, im so tempted to go to the toilet and just go mad with it, but i aint got any plasters and im wouldnt mind that but im wearing a white jumper do'h, my boyfriend says he doesnt want to speek to me atm, and is trying to get me to break up with him, so ppl feel sorry for him, he does this, but im not goin to, im stronger than that, i can cope, mayb not brilliantly but its still coping, i have to wait a week for the councellor, i dont think i can go thorugh a week of this again, i no im just complaining, and acting spoilt as everyone keeps telling me, but i just dont no what to feel anymore, i have this immence anger and hatered for everyone building up inside me, and its so hard to hide, i just want to scream, but im forced into acting happy again, i dont want to but, id rather that than happy ppl interfering in things that dont understand, i think id rather b seen as happy than called a moody little bitch like yesterday, i hate how abuseive sme ppl can b, got punched in the face yesterday, hurt, but i had to laugh it off, just got asked if i missed the guy who tried to force himself on me, had to say yes, coz ppl dont no, it kills me all this lying, i cant stand it or life anymore, my rents have agreed with my bf's mum that im depressed and they were talking last nite about how im taking after my gandma, who was a manic depressant for about 35 yrs, i desided i dont like being labelded like that with anything, but i do want help of sme sort, and if being labeled is how im gunna get that then i guess im just gunna have to have another label, just sitting here in the libary at school, im looking around, and these people, they make me sick, they lead such perfect lives, there biggest worry is that daddy wont buy them another pair of desiner shoes, or clothes, i dont sit in here, i cant pretend it anymore, i wish i went sme where normal, where i could find ppl like me not rich spoilt brats, im just so angry but i dont no why and its making me so upset at the same time, i dont trust anyone, my mum and bf are proberly the only ones i trust abit, theres noway im telling my bf anything more about me tho, hes using it all against me, making me feel like a shitty worthless selfish person, but ive realised hes that one being selfish, everyfucking thing is about him, even if its like how im feeling, h'll turn it round so its all about him again for another 2 hrs, he always has to b worse of than me too, why does he feel this need to belittle everything about me, ive totally lost my appitite and im not eating again,not that anyone will notice, you no what i really want my dad to hit me again, hard, i want him to hurt me, i want to channel all this anger towards him again, i want to scream at him and i want to feel smething the only thing i can think of is pain, so fine bring on the pain, i need to feel alive, coz atm i feel so subhuman, like im not even worthy of human emotions, im just being a blank face, i want to b able to cry to scream to shout and yell and laugh smile even talk with out this feeling that im stealing these emotions, that i dont deserve then, and im not showing them coz i dont feel like im allowed to show then, i hate the ppl that have done this to me, i should b allowed to feel, why tell me not to cry, why make me hide my emotions, cover your abuse, just keep smiling, why did you threatern me so much im still scared that you'll cme and get me again, why did you teach me not to cry, to hurt myself, to starve my self, what made you want to dot his to me, i was young i didnt understand, what did i do wrong, did i really deserve everything i got, like you said i did, did i really deserve all the mental, physical and sexual abuse you all gave me, what child desreves that, i mean really, what kind of sick fuckers are you, what makes you want to do that to sme one so young? i hate you with all my worth, i wish you all the pain you caused me, see how you like, let everyone see, then let them try and call me selfish, moody, spoitl, sheltered, well you no what fuck you all, i dont need these ppl, all they do is hurt me, i wanna cry so bad, it kills me not being able to, im really sorry this is so long and proberly wont make sence, im sorry i just had to rant, get sme of my feeling out, or id implode, sorry, just in general for being here wasting space, sorry, im just feeling sorry for myself, ahhhh too many ppl in my head, alll my emotions are seperated and fghting it out in my head, thats why this is all weirdd, sorry bout that and ne1 that reads this and slightly understands thank you for your time :D love xxxx

[Barelythere]

sorry, acendently double posted, clicked the thing too manytimes sorry :P cya xxx

[Barelythere]

so sorry that was so long, was in a bad mood, needed to get sme stuff out in sm way, feeling bit better now, mite try again to see he councellor on weds, but im still worried, was talking to my mum bout stuff and she said to me that when i was smaller i said sme stuff to her about what happened, but she wont tell me what i told her, im reli ondering what i said, so confused bout whats real and whats not, also def have to have a dislexic test, which is gunna cost £250! so i gott save up alot, its gunna take ages, bt, anyone now how to cover cuts without lookin obvious (like plasters) its just i went to low on my arm and i have no tops o cover it, plus no money to buy new tops, all i got is £10 and i owe my dad that, am i stuck in jumpers? cya round ppl xxx