I shouldn't but I can't help myself.

[Secret_Keiko]

I know I shouldn't cut.
Not today.
But I can't help it.
I want to, so badly.

I have the scissors and the blades next to me right now.
And it's taking everything in me not to pick them up and just start messing up my arm.

Whats even worse is I just cut last night, and I want to do it again, and I go on holiday in two weeks with my parents to spain.
What can I do about the scars?
I mean, sure I could kinda cover up straight lines.
But I carved "save me" into my forearm last night.
How can I justify that?
I want to cut so bad and I don't think I can last much longer.

My boyfriend is staying over on wednesday.
I told him earlier that I want to talk to him about something to his face.
I've decided I'm going to tell him, properly. And explain everything.
I'm so scared about doing this :(
Is it the right descision?
I'm starting to think differently. :'(

[starrburst]

First of all, put all sharp objects away. It won't help if they are right there with you.

Secondly, telling is the right thing to do. It is the way to recovery, to freedom from the dark room full of sharp memories and harsh words. You will of course find it hard to explain, but he should understand and help you. I hope it all goes well, feel free to pm me xxx

[smile]

You know you dont want to hurt yourslef tonight so try as hard as you can not to, what sometimes helps for me is to say to yourslef okay i will cut in 5 minutes, when that 5 minutes is up give it another 5 minutes, keep doing this until the urges stop. As said put all the sharp objects away having them there will only make you want to do it more. Try listening to music or reading a book, being part of another world when you have urges, it may help.

It is definately the right decision to tell your boyfriend, he will help you get better and make you feel like there is a reason to stop. It will also give you someone who you can talk to that is close to you, he will help you and listen. It is likely that soon he will find out anyway so it would be better for you to explain it to him beforehand and help him undertsand than for him to discover on his own. This may make him back away and not trust you to tell him things as much. It may be difficult but if he is worth it he will understand. Good luck, take care xx

(sorry for the rant!)

[1_21Guns]

Hun, I did the exact same thing as far as cutting and holidays goes.
It's not easy to hide the scars.
But the most important thing is to not make anymore.
As long as your boyfriend is understanding of you, and situations like those.
It is the right decision, as he can help and support you through it.
You have a lot of strength hun, and you can help yourself.
Just don't torture yourself by leaving it all next to you like that.
VM me if you want to talk anytime.

[MadManWithaBox]

I already said it to you. If you trust him, truly trust him, and want to tell him, then tell him. Its a hard thing to tell. But once its done, and he understands, it'll be a weight off your shoulders.

[Secret_Keiko]

Thank you guys <3
It really means a lot.

[georgiamay]

yeah i think you should tell him if you really do trust him. he'll be able to help you through it, so you don't have to go through it on your own.

and put the scissors and blades away, or throw them away completely so your not tempted and to stop torturing yourself, and just remember that you dont want any new scars for your holiday, so dont do it again. just keep thinking of your holiday, and always remember that cutting won't actully make any difference at all.
and as for the existing scars, maybe use bio oil or something to help them heal quicker, so they wont be as obvious for your holday.

hope i helped, PM or VM me if you ever need to talk x

[xgeekyrocksx]

Tell your boyfriend, it'll make things so much easier for you..
and try telling him to his face, i took ages when i told my best friend but maybe if you trust him alot it'll be easier to explain, which is good :)
oh and if you feel your gonna cut.. put them away!!
and about the holiday... i hope it goes ok xxx

[Secret_Keiko]

I told him.
:)
I know its monday, but I didn't want to leave him in the dark any longer.
I did it to his face too.

And I feel like, loads better.
Like a weight off my shoulders, and he said he's going to be my "positivity teacher" for the next few months until I feel "not so negative" :')
I just can't describe the feeling :)

Thank you for the advice, I think I'm actually going to throw away my blades. ^^
<3

[MadManWithaBox]

I told you =) Congratulations.

[Mike321]

Well done for telling him, it makes it so much easier when someone else is there to help you
I'm really pleased that you did it, and good luck with everything, I hope with his help you'll be able to stop
Again well done! :)