Heretic
June 20th, 2010, 03:43 PM
If it's weird to want to be crazy. Like completely batshit insane. I've always wanted to be like that, I've been so intent on being like that that I've looked up symptoms and tried to give myself those symptoms. I almost admitted myself to a local pediatric psych ward place hopeful that being there would make me crazy. I didn't do that though for reasons I don't remember. Heh.
On another note I told this girl that I liked for almost a decade that I liked her. That went down, well it went down as good as I realistically could have hoped for. She basically didn't gave a shit at all. Now I'm really good at suppression and bad at expression so I usually just keep stuff in. This time I actually had someone to talk to so I vented a bit and ended up crying my eyes out. It felt good I guess having never done that before.
Later that night I had a dream. (I don't usually have dreams, or rather I don't remember them) I dreamed I killed this man, I have no idea who he was but I killed him, we were in a kitchen and he kept throwing knives at me and miraculously I kept dodging them. I didn't want to kill him and I kept telling him to stop. Eventually I snapped and cut him at least thirty times and stabbed him more than I care to remember. He wasn't dead so I just gave up and sat in a corner. Then another person came in a dropped a huge brick on his head and splat, I woke up, crying. So yeah, this isn't strictly necessary to my question but I guess I just needed to vent some more. Anyway, is it so weird that I want to be crazy?
On another note I told this girl that I liked for almost a decade that I liked her. That went down, well it went down as good as I realistically could have hoped for. She basically didn't gave a shit at all. Now I'm really good at suppression and bad at expression so I usually just keep stuff in. This time I actually had someone to talk to so I vented a bit and ended up crying my eyes out. It felt good I guess having never done that before.
Later that night I had a dream. (I don't usually have dreams, or rather I don't remember them) I dreamed I killed this man, I have no idea who he was but I killed him, we were in a kitchen and he kept throwing knives at me and miraculously I kept dodging them. I didn't want to kill him and I kept telling him to stop. Eventually I snapped and cut him at least thirty times and stabbed him more than I care to remember. He wasn't dead so I just gave up and sat in a corner. Then another person came in a dropped a huge brick on his head and splat, I woke up, crying. So yeah, this isn't strictly necessary to my question but I guess I just needed to vent some more. Anyway, is it so weird that I want to be crazy?