How young and innocent we were...

[Syvelocin]

Apparently, I joined this forum on August 2nd. Jeez, that's amazing. I can't even wrap my brain around that. I joined, and that night was the only night I didn't give in to my urges. Then the next day, my life changed forever in the loony bin.

All I want to do is slash my arms open, just for the hell of it. I want blood, not because I'm unhappy, but because I crave it. Summer is low stress, no one bothers me, I don't see any of my friends, it's the best place for me until I get to move out. But here I am, every night my thirst for blood grows, for no apparent reason.

My psychologist is going to fire me. Ha. How ironic? She's the only relatively "out there" psychologist I've met, and she's going to fire me. Yeah, I'd like to see her do that. I don't get to talk to her anymore. Yeah, I'm perfectly content being self-destructive over anything else, but to give up on me? What is running through that woman's head?

The only thing that's keeping me from slashing my veins open is the people around me, meaning figments of my mind. I know they aren't real, but they get so real for me that they're even more real than REAL people. I'm never truly alone because of them, and I'm definitely not going to cut in front of them because it'll hurt them...

[Aspiringanonymous]

The only thing that's keeping me from slashing my veins open is the people around me, meaning figments of my mind. I know they aren't real, but they get so real for me that they're even more real than REAL people. I'm never truly alone because of them, and I'm definitely not going to cut in front of them because it'll hurt them...
This is an interesting statement. I think I can relate.

If hurting yourself will hurt them, then I assume that their presences are benign and well-intending. Have you tried communicating with them, perhaps, regarding your current state? Perhaps they will have something insightful to offer.

What is the logic behind your psychiatrist's decision to not see you anymore? Did she admit that you seemed to be beyond her help? She's not supposed to do that.

Resist, for what? It all seems so futile and meaningless at times, I know, when the compulsion just continues to grow without end. But you yourself recognize that the desire is an absurd one, and cannot stand for a moment against the light of reason and awareness.

Resist, because you are better than the forces threatening to turn you against yourself, and you deserve better. It is one-dimensional, but your consciousness is multi-dimensional; that is a huge strategic advantage in your struggle against its control. But you've got to be willing to fight, not only the acts that result, but the very existence of the urges themselves.

Listen to your intuition. To the ones which give you strength. Living every day at the mercy of a destructive irrational power is not living. You can take your life back. :hug3:

[HellHound]

:D what maya is trying to say is that hurting yourself will bring the concequence of hurting others.There are many people out here that would regret you getting hurt,including me.I dont know what made you so blood thirsty but i know deep inside there is a better you.We all had our hard times dear.You can talk to me any time.