i need an honest opinion

[silentfantasy]

BROKEN

she ran until her legs ached
to where she couldnt run no more
to where her hair was wet from rain
her heart was just too sore
her entire body was drenched with sweat
but yet she still felt cold
she felt like she had nothing
but an empty soul
the darkness of the night
reflecting off the stars
it made life look so beautiful
but life was just too hard
she looked at the empty streets
where no one heard her cries
she had no hope or any faith
nothing but broken lies

[XxHiding_The_Pain_Insidex]

I like it....good job :)

[emmettman]

i like it

[Raven287287n]

Sounds like a girl is running away from home

[Amaryllis]

To be completely honest - it's highly unoriginal. You've written something that's already been written a hundred times before. That's the thing about... Generic teenage angsty poetry. Tons of kids go through it.

But hey, don't feel bad. I write like this when I'm not trying to be original or good. I generally don't criticise art, but you asked for it :tongue:

If you want an example of original, mind-blowing poetry, I'd recommend reading Yazdegard's or embers' poetry. Yazdegard writes some pretty weird shiz and embers' is just like O: ifeelinferior.

[-]I hate them both.[/-]

Try to be different man. Like, I don't know.

Today I sat on a tabletop,
Looking at a plate.
The pan sizzle-sizzle sizzle-popped.
Oil ate into my head.
A big black nose against my bottom
It's that damn chihuahua again.
A silver sharpy-slicey knife
Slices through my middle.
I'm picked and put on the griddle,
Where my body turns to coal.
Shrivelling shrivel shrivel pop.
I'm a fockin' carrot.

[Commander Thor]

i like it

6 & 1/2 YEAR bump.

:locked: