Am I falling again?

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Lately I've been feeling off. Like something is missing. I've been getting urges a lot more. And tonight relapsed again, but this was worse than my other relapses. Is this the start of my addiction again?

Every other relapse I've had lately I've told my boyfriend about straight away, but my last one I took two days, then barely told him why. And I can tell it'll probably be longer with this one... I long for that numb feeling a lot more now and I don't know why. :/

[georgiamay]

hun, i'm sorry to say it, but does sound like you're falling back. but that doesn't mean you can't go forwards again. its normal to relapse every now and then, and every time you do, it's important to get straight back up and stop.
listen to yourself.
you clearly do want to stop, and i'm guessing you stopped before, which prooves you can do it.
it sounds like your boyfriend is very supportive of you, so maybe instead of hurting yourself, you could call him and just tell him how you fell?
i'm sorry if this doesn't help much, but i hope it does.
PM me if you ever need to talk :) x

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Thanks for the advice. I will take as much of it as I can, but I can't call him. He is really supportive but the reason I had a relapse was partly to do with the fact that I have an infatuation with my boyfriend's friend. And I can't bring myself to talk about it to him because he'll just get hurt... I will, however, try to stay positive, though it's hard...

[starrburst]

Yes, at least he knows about the past times. Just try to stay happy, try to distract yourself...next time you get urges call someone, tell them how you feel. Good luck!

[MadManWithaBox]

The most important thing to remember is there is no such thing as failing. One step forward, two steps back. two steps forward, one step back. no such thing as square one. You keep thinking to yourself Oh I made it to 8 days thats great, now I'm gonna make it 10. Think positive.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Thanks to everyone for the help. I'll do my best. Though it''s hard...

[starrburst]

That's good to hear, keep strong xD xxx

[Mike321]

Nothings every easy, but as the others said, everyone has relapses, its just a small step back.
Its good that you have a supportive boyfriend, and that you do want to stop
Stay strong and keep going, I know you'll get there in the end

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I think I'm getting worse...

[MadManWithaBox]

Whats wrong?

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I'm feeling really guilty because I have feelings for someone that's not my boyfriend, and I know it's natural, but I feel horrible about it. My cutting is getting more frequent, and I bruised my hand the other by hitting the wall a lot. :\

[MadManWithaBox]

You know you can't help those kinds of feelings. No matter how wrong you know they are.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I know. And I also know I love my boyfriend, and just have an infatuation with this other guy. But I've always been too hard on myself. And I'm dealing with some grief atm also. But that's a different thread.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well then the time to quit being so hard on yourself starts now. The time to forgive, and let go, starts now.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I wish I could. But I can't seen to ever be nice to myself. I don't feel like I deserve it.

[MadManWithaBox]

I know how that feels. Honestly, I do. Perhaps more than you do. But you do. I do. We just don't know it yet. We try being nice to ourselves, see how that works.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I can try to be nice to myself. But I don't believe I deserve it...