They are getting suspicious...

[starrburst]

My family are getting really suspicious, recently I have been hiding away in my room...They keep telling me to join them to go somewhere, or do something...I don't want to. It's too hard, today my sister saw my cuts on my hand...I used the same excuse as I did with my dad "My cat really doesn't like me..." It seemed to work....and she said she felt bad for not relizeing before. Just think what would happen if she saw my real cuts! ='(

I feel so ashamed of myself, the only good thing is I have gone over a day without cutting...but the urges are kicking in again.

I don't know what to do, I'm okay with my friends...around them I feel fine to wear my shorts and t-shirt...but with my family I feel bad to wear short sleeves....never mind anything more reveling...

I don't know what to do anymore, and can't stop having suicidal thoughts.

Sorry....I just need to vent...

:(

[Marcie]

You might not like this suggestion but, I think it would be best to tell your parents, they can help you get over this.
You want to stop right?
Telling your parents would be a huge step toward actually stopping. They can (and most likely will) hold you accountable. I know that is REALLY hard. But it actually is a really good way to help yourself resist the urges to cut yourself, and ultimately it may lead to the end of you cutting altogether.
I've got a question for you. Why would you feel bad wearing shorts and short sleeves?
Is it just because you are ashamed of your cuts?

[starrburst]

Yes, they would see my cuts and then...well they would quiz me...and I don't have enough excuses for that xD

I'm not telling them, I can stop on my own...I have been 2 days without cutting...and other self harm is nothing more than a few seconds pain....which is alright really....I don't want to stop, why should I stop, just yet? I know it's stupid...and all my friends are turning against me...but I don't want to stop SHing anymore...I like it, it is one of the few things I like....But then I do want to stop, I want to just end it and for it all to go away....I want my scars to just go...just fade already. I don't know what to do anymore...I just know I cannot tell anyone...I'd rather die.

[georgiamay]

mmm... maybe if you told your parents the truth you wouldn't have to hide anymore, and hiding never helps anything. they will really help you to stop, and maybe then you could ask to see a councellor as well or something for a bit of extra help.

sorry, i wish i could help more :( PM me if you ever need to talk x

[Aspiringanonymous]

But then I do want to stop, I want to just end it and for it all to go away....I want my scars to just go...just fade already.
Listen to yourself here. You do want to stop. You're aware of all the inconvenience this has caused, as well as damage to relationships, and somewhere deep down, you know there are better ways to cope. Just that, when self-harm becomes an addiction, it comes to hold great power over your consciousness, suppressing the little voice of truth inside and instead instilling the delusion that "self-harm is my best friend". That is nothing but a lie; those to be truly be trusted and open to are the ones that will never hurt us, in any way.

Sometimes, when our inner strength falls short against the immense power which acts against us, it would benefit greatly to seek assistance from the external world. And it's perfectly okay to - it is never optimal to bear all the burden alone. That can be family, friends, strangers like us, or really anything which constitutes a positive influence. I suggest you try to be open with your family, as they seem genuinely willing to help, but of course it is your choice. Think of it this way; is it better to be open and honest, or to have them find out that you have been hiding all this time? The latter, if they are concerned for you now, would only amplify their suspicions.

May you find the courage to prevail. :hug3:

[Marcie]

Yes, they would see my cuts and then...well they would quiz me...and I don't have enough excuses for that xD
You don't have to make up excuses.. Just tell them the truth.

I'm not telling them, I can stop on my own...I have been 2 days without cutting...and other self harm is nothing more than a few seconds pain....which is alright really....I don't want to stop, why should I stop, just yet? I know it's stupid...and all my friends are turning against me...but I don't want to stop SHing anymore...I like it, it is one of the few things I like....But then I do want to stop, I want to just end it and for it all to go away....I want my scars to just go...just fade already. I don't know what to do anymore...I just know I cannot tell anyone...I'd rather die.
that's nearly exactly what I said about a year ago.. "I can do it by myself, Look how far I've come already." Except for me it was about 2 weeks at that time. I couldn't do it by my self, not to long after that I went back into cutting myself every day multiple times. I've got the nastiest scars from that and I know you DON'T want that you don't want the scars you are going to get from this. You'll have to live with those scars for the rest of your life, not all of them are going to fade, don't create new ones. It's not the "few seconds pain" that is the main problem here.. It's the you damaging your body, hurting it on purpose, that's not just a bad idea, I think it's wrong..
You don't want to stop? Why? there are MANY other WAY better ways to handle those emotions, other ways to make yourself feel better without permanently damaging your body.
Should you stop? YES there is no other answer besides that. Yes, you should stop, you need to stop.
It's not going to just vanish on it's own. It's not going to just go away. You have to put in some effort. It's takes work, depending on how deep you gotten into this it may take more work and be harder or it may be easier. But either way, it's going to be difficult.
It's not that you "cannot" tell anyone it's that you don't want to. I think you're just afraid of their reaction. Telling someone is the very first step to stopping, it's probably also the hardest step. and once you do tell someone I think you'll feel a little better right then.
you shouldn't try to do this by your self. you need to have someone else to help you along your way. Someone to hold you accountable.

[starrburst]

But,i have told...i have told my friends....they hate me for it, they seem to not care...i don't know really...I decided long ago i wouldn't tell my family...I'm not going to, I was thinking maybe we have a counslor at school....i don't think we do though...=\ I might just stop...i am perfectly capable of stopping.....i just know it.

[Marcie]

But,i have told...i have told my friends....they hate me for it, they seem to not care...i don't know really...I decided long ago i wouldn't tell my family...I'm not going to, I was thinking maybe we have a counslor at school....i don't think we do though...=\ I might just stop...i am perfectly capable of stopping.....i just know it.

Okay, well if you don't want to tell your parents, I wish you the best of luck on conquering this on your own. Let me know how it goes :-)
If you need anything I shall do what ever I can to help, just ask. E-mail or PM :-)

[Secret_Keiko]

If you want to stop, then why don't you distract yourself from it, like when you get the urges, busy yourself with something, like drawing? xD orrr writing, like venting out your feelings, or watch a happy/funny movie?
:)
Or just talk to someone about a completely different subject?

I know its hard, I still find it very hard stopping, and I haven't, but I will one day.
We just need reasurance from the people who understand what we're going through
and this is what this forum is for right? :)

I'd say this is probably the primary step to recovery.
And we're all on it <3

If you ever want to talk, my contact information is on my profile. <3
I'll always listen :)

[starrburst]

Yes, thanks =)

3 days, ahhh this is hard but easy at the same time xD

[Mike321]

I know its difficult not wanting to tell your parents, and if you dont want to do that I dont blame you, I never did.
You've got great support here from all of us and as the other have said, try and keep yorself distracted from it.
And 3 days is good, just keep going with it, you'll get there in the end, and all the hard work will be worth it
PM me if you need to talk

[cvb2]

I'm in the same boat as you.
I feel way more comfortable with my friends and that knowing but the last thing I ever want is for my family to know. I used excuses like that before too "oh the neighbors cat hates me" "I fell" "the edge of this thing I was sitting on was sharp" .. if they don't believe me they don't show it.
But it's SO hard.
Sometimes I think that keeping it from them is more of a problem then cutting itself.
I don't ever want them to know, with my family this is something I want to take to the grave.
I don't need them for help or anything, I just can't take hiding it.