whatever

[LoveMe_HateMe]

right this minute i literally have no one. i have no friends to turn to. boyfriend not coming round cause he's had a "lojng day at college doing work" so he's too "tired" to come round. to be fair i wouldn't want to be with me. i don't even know why i'm writing this, thinks its for an outlet. am i really such a bad person for no one to be there when i need just one, ONE fuicking person to turn to. i really hate my life at the minute. i've already made a mess of my arm today but i want more. i want the fucking crying to stop. i want to these feelings to stop. i want everything to stop. i'm too worried that i'll go down stairs get my blade and shit and do some serious damage. i'd be better off a loner. then there'd be noone to let me down or to get stabbed in the fucking back etc. or maybe better of dead... yeah i know suicide isnt the answer and its preminent blah blah.

whatever. everyone can just go to fucking hell for all i fucking care.

[MadManWithaBox]

You do have people. You have me. I'm here for you, if you want me to be. you can talk to me, anytime, PM, msn, whatever. There's always someone who cares hun.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

i know i have people - on here. but i want someone i actually know to seem to care, who i can have a shoulder to cry on when i need it. to be able to rely on them to be there for me if i need them. like my boyf knows i need him today, but yet he''s too tired. i know i can be a handful sometimes..but still.
you have your own stuff to deal with, you don't need mine on top of it. but. thank you

[MadManWithaBox]

I do have my own stuff to deal with. But I'm happy to help, and I know my shoulder isn't as good as your boyfriends to cry on, but I'm like, I said. if you needs a shoulder. (metaphorical shoulder that is)

[LoveMe_HateMe]

thanks hun. i woudln't even know wjhere to start. i've got so much shit running through my head that's piled up for god knows how long and i don't have the will power or the energy to make sense of it all

[MadManWithaBox]

Well the beginning is normally a good place to start. Just say whats on your mind. Doesn't matter how it comes out, how it sounds, just say it. Saying it is the first step, and wonderfully therapeutic for some reason.

[starrburst]

Yes, at least you have us. I have people, but they either don't know i sh, or don't give a shit what i do in my spare time...so I come to websites, find people like me...and we cry together about our lives.

You can pm me anytime, I come here at least once per day so will reply pretty quick ;)

[LoveMe_HateMe]

i'm sick of being let down, i'm sick of school/exams/home/parents/my none exsisting friends. sick of myself and sick of this fucked up thing i call a life. i used to be so happy, so calm. then again i also used to have loads of friends, a brilliant home. til i fucked it all up. everythings my fault, my fault i have no friends left and that no one wants to be aroundme. its my fault i'm doing shit in my exams, my fault i feel like this etc... i just give up with everything. if life's like this then tbh i dont want any part of it. its too much of an evil world. i know the whole "life's a bitch" saying but there's too many people who suffer. its not fair. the people who should suffer like the people in prison..or who should be in prison they should have a shit life not get fucking luxuries like PS3 when in jail etc.urgh.

[iamniokekun]

I went through something similar too...except, I dealt with it all the wrong ways and nearly died in the process. So talk to someone. I find that talking to someone online is, at times, just as helpful as someone being physically there.

I know you feel alone, but you know what? Somebody out there loves you more than life itself. Deny it if you will, but it's true. And that little bit of knowlegde can carry you a long way.

PM me, aim me, msn me, or leave me a message on my page telling me you want to talk. I won't turn you away. :3

[starrburst]

It isn't your fault *hugs*
We're here for you, whatever you want, i've probably being there done that got the t shirt..so just talk, i can give loads of advice.

If you are after stopping, or decreasing the amount you SH...every night count how many times you cut that day. Write the number down, after one week try to cut less than the previous week untill you get down, or nearer, to 0.

I have other, more complicated, ways like that....if you want some more help, as i said, pm me ;)

Cut the amount of times you cut, not yourself :)

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I went through something similar too...except, I dealt with it all the wrong ways and nearly died in the process. So talk to someone. I find that talking to someone online is, at times, just as helpful as someone being physically there.

I know you feel alone, but you know what? Somebody out there loves you more than life itself. Deny it if you will, but it's true. And that little bit of knowlegde can carry you a long way.

PM me, aim me, msn me, or leave me a message on my page telling me you want to talk. I won't turn you away. :3

yeah i think im going down the 'dealing with it in the wrong way' path. I've tried talking to people but everyone i have ever trusted has either turned their back on me or let me down, so its difficult for me to open up to people, to let my feelings known, i bottle things up which makes things 10 times worse.

It isn't your fault *hugs*
We're here for you, whatever you want, i've probably being there done that got the t shirt..so just talk, i can give loads of advice.

If you are after stopping, or decreasing the amount you SH...every night count how many times you cut that day. Write the number down, after one week try to cut less than the previous week untill you get down, or nearer, to 0.

I have other, more complicated, ways like that....if you want some more help, as i said, pm me ;)

Cut the amount of times you cut, not yourself :)

it is my fault though.
i used to only do mild cuts like one or two shallow/medium ones...never anything too serious but recently they've been getting deeper, more and doing it more frequent...its ever since i tried to stop. like today i probably did over 20 all together, although they were fairly shallow, its getting worse. like i said it used to be 1/2 at a time every couple of days..its more now. i know i should stop but i don't think i want to...even though it doesn't really help in anyway shape or form..idk it just gives me some sort of...satisfaction (that's the wrong word idk how to explain it) but i don't even feel guilty about the ones i did today. but idk if that's cause today i only seem to be capable of crying, being angry or feeling nothing. i don't know. even the thought of dissapointing the boyf again didn't stop me and that was my one real motivation for stopping. if that doesn't work, what will...

[MadManWithaBox]

Then you find something else to motivate yourself to stop with. that doesn't work, you find something else. It doesn't have to be big, or even significant, to anyone but you. You find that, you you start by not quitting cold turkey, which is very hard indeed, you minimize the number you do every day. You do that, over an extended period, while talking to people, anyone you want to, and things will get better.