Hatsune Miku
June 15th, 2010, 07:36 PM
Sorry about the mistake in the title :P
Warning signs that your long distance relationship is in trouble
A relationship involves a massive amount of adjustments and sacrifices. These adjustments and sacrifices however, should be equally divided between the couple. A couple, who are so much in love, committed and completely honest about their feelings for each other, will surpass any obstacle that may threaten to ruin their relationship.
Most long distance relationship problems can be solved by keeping phone conversations interesting. 'Tell Me Honey...2000 questions for couples' is a best-selling book on this subject, available from Amazon.com. Read this book and you'll have your partner looking forward to your phone conversations even when you're separated by thousands of miles.
A change in one of the partner's behavior or attitude should be taken as a warning sign and preventive measures should be sought to deal with an impending problem. Such defensive actions are possible in the case of face-to-face relationships, where a tell-tale sign or expression can set the alarm bells ringing. How does one detect a warning sign when the partner in question is couple of miles away from you? In a long distance relationship, akin to face-to-face ones, warning signs are always there, but it takes an alert partner to detect it in time and put the relationship back on track.
A lack of enthusiasm for the relationship may result in lesser number of phone calls or e-mails. The arrangement of staying away from each other still works but the passion is missing. If one of the partners has no genuine enthusiasm for the relationship, it may be in trouble. Trust is a vital factor in such a relationship, if you are constantly worried about your partner going out to clubs or dating other men/women then maybe that the person is not made for such a relationship.
A constant vigil, in terms of numerous phone calls or e-mails enquiring about his/her whereabouts, can signal a complete lack of distrust. Instincts are very important in a long distance relationship but don't confuse your instincts with paranoia. Maintaining a long distance relationship can often border on bankruptcy if the number of phone calls and visits are not planned in a prudent way. There is no room for suspicion in a long distance relationship. In order for you to survive your long distance relationship, you must learn to trust your partner wholeheartedly.
A single suspicion will break the bond you have for each other and it is a beginning of the end if you start to suspect your partner at any point of your long distance relationship.
Complete apathy towards your feelings, or about the relationship in particular, is a warning sign that should not be ignored. Your partner's apparent indifference could have stemmed out of frustration of not seeing you or it could be an indication that another woman has entered his life. Although it may not be done intentionally, this type of mistake will be very costly to your long distance relationship.
In a long-distance relationship, it's often easy to misinterpret, misunderstand, or discount your partner's feelings, words or actions on account of the difficulty of communication, clarity of intent or effort as contrasted with that of regular dating relationships. If your partner starts misinterpreting every word you utter or try to read between lines, it's a warning sign of mistrust. It's essential to maintain a sense of humor with your partner, sharing in blunders of miscommunication and being able to laugh at your situation together.
Knowing, understanding and accepting your partner is a long-term process and healthy relationships require respect for differences and awareness of each others strengths and weaknesses and positive and negative qualities.
The temptation to stray in a long-distance relationship
If relationships dangle on thin threads of trust and commitment, then the temptation to stray is inevitable. Mere proximity of your partner cannot assure you hundred percent honesty and fidelity. However one cannot deny the fact that seeing your partner on a daily basis may give a sense of control over your partner's roving eye practice. In a long-distance relationship, where there's no physical proximity, the temptation to stray looms large.
Mini and Joseph are a couple made for each other, this was the oft heard remark made by their close friends and relatives. Their relationship seemed to have weathered all kinds of storms except experiencing the bitter pangs of separation. Their fear of getting separated soon turned into reality when Mini was sent abroad by her company for a corporate training program. Both of them took consolation in the fact that the separation period would not last for more than a year.
After a tearful farewell, Joseph immersed himself in his job as a quality analyst. The initial stages of their long-distance relationship was devoid of any untoward incidents until a common friend informed Mini that Joseph's casual flirting with his colleague had turned into a serious one. There soon followed a drastic change in Joseph's attitude towards Mini, Infrequent phone calls and e-mails further confirmed the fact that he was being unfaithful to her. Mini and Joseph's is a case in point to prove that the scope for straying is definitely high in a long-distance relationship.
When the partner is not physically around, the temptation to stray can become inevitable at times. Being faithful is not an art form it's just something that happens between two people in a particular relationship. Because you're not there to keep an eye on each other, it's also important to build trust though the temptation to stray never ceases to exist. Be extra demonstrative of your feelings. Send cards, flowers and presents. Say 'I love you' often, to make up for the fact that you can't show affection face-to-face. This can be a gentle reminder (read warning) to your sweetheart who has a weakness for the opposite sex.
Make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do. If each of you knows that the other is trustworthy in little things, you'll be able to trust in big things - like fidelity. What happens in many cases, however, is that one of the partners may start feeling lonely and begin to look around to see if there are any dating options available. With his girlfriend miles away from him, he may start telling himself, "It's ok if I look around and date other girls, after all it will be nothing serious, but only a casual fling".
But a casual date may sometimes turn into a serious relationship which is something a couple involved in a long-distance relationship does not anticipate. Simply having made a decision to allow each other the freedom to date other people while they were apart, and seeing if they still felt the same way about each other once they were reunited, may prevent such situation. A couple who have high levels of commitment, trust and self-control can resist the temptation to stray and effortlessly transform a long-distance relationship into a secure and successful one.
How to make a long distance relationship work - Keeping the spark alive
An open and honest conversation between a boy and a girl can turn even a platonic relationship into a serious one. It is agreed that effective communication is the founding stone of any successful relationship. A sheer lack of communication or dishonesty between partners can lead to unnecessary arguments or fights.
A one-to-one communication is obviously not possible with couples involved in a long-distance relationship. Phone calls are the most sought-after communication tool. The joy of listening to each other's voice can be quite exhilarating and reassuring.
Exchanging sweet nothings over the phone or just describing your day's activities to your partner are tiny hints to let him or her know that they have a special place in your heart.
Being in a long-distance relationship is unfortunately expensive what with innumerable phone calls, postal charges and plane tickets. Conversation on the phone can often turn into arguments when the topic steers towards managing one's finance. To avoid such squabbles over money matters, decide on a financial plan.
If your partner pays for your phone bill, then volunteer to sponsor his plane ticket or vice versa. The most common reason why people argue on the phone in a long-distance relationship, is the fact that a partner may not receive a phone call from his/her sweetheart as promised. If you say you are going to call in a day or two but call after a week, it could give out the signal that you are not very interested or committed to this relationship.
Typically, conversations over the phone end with either one of the partners promising to call on a certain day or date. If you have made such a promise, make sure to make that phone call on the said date. This simple gesture may prevent an argument over the phone.
Make sure that your conversation is not centered on your life, your work or future plans. This may indicate that you are not interested in your partner's welfare or activities. If most of your conversation revolves around 'I, me and myself', your partner may feel unwanted and bitter towards you, which may culminate into an argument.
Be sensitive towards each other's feelings. In a long-distance relationship, where there is a constant craving to see your partner's face, it becomes necessary to devote all your attention to your partner in terms of listening to what he/she has to say.
Share your worries and insecurities but avoid arguments over the phone. In case you argue, make sure that you resolve the argument, thereby ending the conversation in an amicable manner. Abruptly hanging up the phone while in the midst of an argument, may further aggravate a problem and can develop into misunderstanding or jealousy.
There is nothing more important than planning to meet each other again at an interval of time throughout the period of your long-distance relationship. This will help both you and your partner to catch up with each other over the things that you cannot do while apart. Talking or planning about your next rendezvous over the phone will give you the excitement, hope, as well as eliminate the lonely feeling in your long-distance relationship.
How to make a long distance relationship work - Keeping the spark alive
Making a relationship work requires sincerity, commitment and conviction, in equal measures, by both the partners, to achieve the desired success in a relationship. However in long distance relationships, an overdose of commitment and love is all it takes to keep it steady and strong. Keeping the spark alive can become an uphill task if your partner is miles away from you. For any relationship to work, communication is a necessary and most vital tool.
In today's age, unlike the bygone days where communication was limited to writing letters, we have a whole array of communication tools to choose from, which are not only quick but cost-effective too! So make the most of your electronic gadgets.
Sending messages or exchanging jokes through your cell phones is a fun and easy way to cheer up your partner. E-mails and chatting online is another popular method used worldwide to keep a long distance relationship going. If these methods deprive you of seeing your sweetheart's face, then install a webcam on your computer/laptop and enjoy the pleasure of seeing your partner's face on your computer screen.
If these technological advancements don't work, an impulsive decision to visit your partner can keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships can become extremely difficult to sustain if the separation time stretches beyond a year or two. So make it a point to visit each other as often as possible. Chalk out a plan, decide who will visit whom, and then keep that promise.
Long distance relationships can tap the creative streak in some couples. Sheryl, a young doctor was posted to a small town near Birmingham. Being married to Mick after a courtship of three long years was a dream come true. As a software engineer, Mick could not obviously shift base from Birmingham to the town where Sheryl was posted. Their first marriage anniversary was just round the corner and due to prior job commitments, Sheryl was unable to be with Mick on their anniversary day. The creative streak in this doctor's brain hatched a plan to make their anniversary a memorable one.
She called up a florist and ordered for red roses to be delivered to Mick and a parcel of his favorite pizza was delivered to his workplace on her behest. The red roses made his day. Such thoughtful ways of expressing one's love towards your partner, irrespective of the distance, can definitely maintain the romance across the miles.
Let not the distance dampen the spirit of romance in you. Be adventurous and imaginative; take impulsive decisions of surprising your partner in one way or the other. Frequent visits to see each other also keep the spark alive and may rekindle the romance between you. It's like you were never separated.
Do long distance relationships work?
A relationship with your girlfriend, lover or wife brings with it an immense sense of happiness, security and expectations. A hug or a kiss from your girlfriend or wife makes it easier to get back home from a long day at work. Sometimes a mere fragrance of your girlfriend's perfume can set your pulse racing! When everything is hunky dory, a promotion at work may require you to relocate to a difference place, to another city miles away from your girlfriend.
TIP: Read 2000 questions that you can ask your partner to make your phone conversations more exciting and much looked-forward to!
How would you react if your girlfriend, who is well settled in her job is unable to relocate with you? Would you continue your relationship with her or just pack your bags to pursue your career?.
Relationships today are no longer synonymous with nearness or closeness. Long distance relationships between couples have taken a whole new dimension with more and more couples indulging in the same. The success rate in a long distance relationship largely depends on the emotional and mental strength of the couples.
Couples who are in such a relationship vehemently believe that all it takes is to rise above the shackles of distance, and that being understanding, trustworthy and faithful to each other can turn this kind of relationship into a successful one! The popular adage "Out of sight is out mind" may soon become obsolete, considering the alarming rate at which couples indulging in long distance relationship is rising.
Yes! A long distance relationship can definitely work as long as both the man and woman are determined to make it work. It is indeed difficult to keep a long distance relationship going. It's a path laden with more of downs than up, but like they say, true love will not succumb to the pressures of time or distance. The onus is on the couple to make it work. It is of utmost importance that the couple must be committed to each other and ready to sacrifice the joy of seeing each other daily.
If only mere proximity or distance was a resultant factor in a successful relationship, then there would be absolutely no scope for failed relationships or divorce in any country. One must remember that a face-to-face time does no guarantee success.
A couple staying in close proximity or living under one roof may not always enjoy a healthy relationship if there is no love, trust or commitment towards each other. Trust and honesty is something that both have to deal with to keep the relationship going, be it long distance or not.
If one of you intends to cheat on the other, irrespective of distance, and lie, then the relationship is bound to fail.
Do Long Distance Relationships Last?
It's true that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but sometimes “absence makes the heart wander”. Long distance relationships are plagued by more problems than regular relationships. Several times, relationships start as a fling and then you’re separated. And the time you’re apart, if it does fall apart, who is to blame really?
Start with the basics. Are both of you deeply committed to the relationship or is it just casual dating. Chances are that if the relationship was not serious before the separation, the separation will make it worse. So establish at the outset, what phase your relationship is in. If you are serious and have been with each other for a long time, you will be able to give the relationship the time and effort it requires during your time apart. If it’s casual, the effort will be a lot more, as will be the distractions and excuses.
Be open to the idea of being in an open relationship. Sometimes, taking some time off from the relationship to clear your head, is a better idea than to whine and fret because you’re apart.
Quite often, one partner becomes dominating and wants to know what the other one is doing at a certain time. Be rational. Would you have acted this way if he/she was in the same city? If your partner did the same thing, would you be OK with it. If you think your behaviour is rational, then you need to figure out your partner’s behaviour.
Jealousy can play havoc in a long distance relationship. If you’re the kind that gets a lot of attention from the opposite sex, don’t revel in it and share your conquests with your partner during your routine weekly phone call. The message that you’re trying to send is, “I’m hot and I have options”. If your wish is to do this and upset your partner, then you need to question why you really are in this relationship.
There will always be distractions in life, more so, where the opposite sex is concerned. If you tend to get interested in other men/women during your time apart, analyze why this is happening. Would you be interested in the person if you were with your partner? Is this happening because you’re lonely? Harmless attraction is fine. However, if you find yourself getting drawn to another person, ask yourself if it’s worth it to jeopardize your relationship with your partner. Most people indulge in these indiscretions and then pick up from where they left off. Be honest with your partner about your shenanigans. If word gets out and he/she finds out from someone else, that will surely be the end of the relationship.
However, there are a few things you can do to sustain a long distance relationship. Whatever level or phase you’re at, if both of you have decided to make it work, there are several ways of keeping the magic alive.
Use technology. In this day and age, there is no excuse for not staying in touch even when you're in a long distance relationship. Sending text messages, chat, e-mail and web cams have not only made our life easier, but have also breathed a new life into long distance relationships. Stay in touch everyday. Try to maintain the same frequency of communication. If you called each other everyday when you were together, then at least send each other e-mails everyday…even if it’s a one-line “I miss your face so much” e-mail. Telephone calls and texting could get expensive. Limit this to once a week. Send handwritten letters once in a while. Nothing says “I love you” like a handwritten letter.
In long distance relationships, couples drift apart because they can't perform activities together. Even if they stay in touch through phones and e-mails, it becomes boring and tedious after a while. Innovate and find out new ways of doing things together.
Watch movies or television together. There are several websites from where you can stream.
Play games together. Fine an online game that you both like, or play some game on MSN or whatever with eachother.
Research something for him/her. You could look up his/her family history and share the link.
Small gifts, cards and flowers can be very romantic and are easy to send. Personalize the gifts so he/she remembers you each time he/she looks at it. Papermache dolls of both of you with characteristic clothes and accessories will always remind him/her of you. If you wear a blue sweater all the time, make the doll wear blue. If you have a tattoo, draw one on the doll. Anything that makes him/her think of you.
Keep an online journal/blog. You can both make posts together, on the same blog, about your day and what you feel, what you want, etc. It would be a great record of your time apart.
Send him/her one your T-shirts…but don’t forget to spray it with your perfume, so that it smells like you.
Write a story in which the protagonist is you and you’re travelling on this long and arduous journey across continents, seas and mountains. Also, draw a map of the road route from you to him/her. It will be a fun thing for him/her to read.
Accepting that a long distance relationship will be difficult and trying, is the first step. If you’re in love and your partner loves you as well, this time, although difficult, will be only temporary. A relationship that stands the test of long distance really does have a great future.
Romantic Ideas for a Long Distance Relationship
Keeping the love alive in a long distance relationship can, at times, seem a challenge. When two people are separated by the miles in between, it is not possible to meet each other every day, and this lack of physical proximity may eventually create an emotional vacuum. The partners may drift away from each other and find both emotional and physical support in someone closer by.
However, long distance relationships have their own pleasures too. The time spent away from each other, in fact, can strengthen the bond between partners and bring about greater awareness of the value of the relationship they have. And of course, the intimacy shared after days and nights spent alone, is so much sweeter. Here are a few romantic ideas on keeping the spark alive and burning in a long distance relationship.
Go back in time and send a traditional love letter. Nothing is more romantic than declarations of love in a hand-written letter, on perfumed paper. Don’t forget to sign off with a personal touch like a lipstick impression. Your partner will appreciate the thought and effort that went into writing such a letter and will feel really special.
Make use of technology, to be in touch. One of the biggest pitfalls of a long distance relationship, is that, over time, you begin to feel left out of your partner’s daily life. But fortunately, modern technology now provides a wide range of opportunities to be in constant touch even when geographically separated. Use e-mails and phone calls to ask about your partner’s day, what the menu is for dinner tonight, or what his or her plans are for the weekend. Questions which may seem mundane to outsiders, actually work to create a cozy atmosphere and help partners to feel connected. Download internet phone services like Skype and speak to your lover as much as you want, without running up exorbitant phone bills. Use web cams and professional web-conferencing software. For this, you can get a high-speed internet connection at a very low price, in most countries. For just $50 a month you can stream live video to and from anywhere in the world. Keep “dates” with each other. Being separated by distance does not mean that you stop interacting with each other. The very fact that you can see each other in real time, even though on camera, will go a long way in making you feel connected.
Watch a romantic movie at the same time. Since you are unable to go for a movie date together, decide to rent a favourite romantic movie on the same day and try to watch it around the same time, even though you are in different locations. This will give you a feeling of being connected and the two of you can discuss the movie later on phone, email, or when you meet in person.
Send romantic text messages. Text messages are short and sweet ways of letting your partner know that you are thinking of them. Choose messages that suit your style - whether famous romantic quotations or racy one-liners – and let your partner be pleasantly surprised. You could also make a game of it, lasting the whole day. For instance, when you wake up in the morning, send a text message with the first line from Elizabeth Barret Browning’s famous love poem, “How do I love thee, Let me count the ways” and then follow it up by text messaging at regular intervals, one reason at a time, why or how much you love your partner. This would depend on your partner’s persona. Some people can find such messages sent a few times a day, very charming. If your partner isn’t the romantic sort, it may not work.
Think of innovative ways to express your love. You could reach out to your partner across the miles, by dedicating to him or her, a favourite romantic song on a popular radio show. But just make sure that he or she has the radio tuned to the particular channel/station beforehand. You could also take out a “love advertisement” in the local newspaper to which your partner subscribes. The “ad” could express your love either in a dramatic or funny way – enough to catch your partner’s eye and warm his or her heart for the rest of the day.
Send cards at every opportunity, even 'no-reason' cards with some personalized poetry! Cards can be wonderful ways of expressing your love. Send both real and e-cards to your partner at every possible chance like Valentine’s Day, anniversaries of first dates, first kisses and similar days of romantic significance. Apart from these, send cards to let your partner know that you have been missing and thinking of them.
Be adventurous once in a while. If letters and cards have begun to seem too staid after a while, stir things up in your long distance relationship, by taking recourse to some bold ideas. For instance, use a digital camera to take some intimate pictures of yourself, scan and then email them to your loved one. Your partner will love the passionate streak and may even surprise you by taking the next flight to your town.
Plan to do something special when you meet. Discuss with your partner what you would do when you see each other. This may be as simple as cooking a meal together, or as adventurous as planning a hike in the mountains and spending a romantic night under the stars. Whatever it is, keep in mind the preferences of both partners, so that either of you doesn’t feel like sacrificing one’s own interests for the sake of the other. A good idea would be to keep an ongoing list, and updating it with the items that you want to do together, the next time you meet up.
So now you know that there are romantic ideas galore to spice up your long distance relationship. It only needs some creative thinking on your part, and an equally ardent heart on your lover’s, to get the relationship really rocking. After all, the basics of a long distance relationship are the same as any other – shared interests, common values and love and respect for your partner.
10 Mistakes you Must Never Make in a Long Distance Relationship
Every relationship has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. But a long distance relationship has to bear the additional burden of physical separation over long stretches of time. When two people in love are unable to be around each other physically, it leaves the relationship open to attacks of emotional and physical loneliness. In such a scenario, it becomes important to shun behaviour that can build up distrust and jealousy and ultimately ruin a lovely relationship. So, go through the following mistakes most long distance couples make and avoid them, if your want to keep your relationship intact.
TIP: The biggest mistake you can make in a long distance relationship is to let phone conversations become boring because it's only conversation that keeps you connected. Have your partner look forward to your calls by reading 'Tell Me Honey...2000 Questions for Couples', the best-selling book from Amazon.com. Also available as an instant download ebook.
1. Breathing down the neck of your partner
Every relationship – whether separated by distance or not – requires that two individuals give each other enough space to grow. However, when you have been away from each other for a long time, you might want to be clued into everything that your partner is doing – what he did over the weekend, who were the friends she went out with for shopping or what is for dinner tonight. While it is a good idea to be in touch on daily basis, prying too much into your partner’s routine or social life may put him or her off the relationship.
2. Appearing insecure
If you are insecure about the people your partner is meeting while living away from you, then it is a sign, that you are not emotionally mature enough for a long distance relationship. If you keep nagging your partner about how miserable it is for the two of you and how the other couples have it so well, it is bound to upset him or her that you feel so miserable about the relationship. Instead, look at the positive side to a long-distance relationship and take heart, that a meeting after a period of absence will be that much sweeter.
3. Making allegations of infidelity
Once the seeds of suspicion have been planted in your relationship, it is the beginning of the end. If you are suspicious of your partner’s co-workers, friends, flat mates and other social acquaintances, it means that you do not trust your partner wholeheartedly. Worse still, if you charge your partner with being unfaithful to you, without any concrete evidence, it means that the faith in your relationship has gone and every relationship –long distance or not – is bound to collapse without the foundation stone of trust.
4. Taking your partner for granted
While it is a mistake to nag your partner about his or her life away from you, it is equally fatal to take your lover for granted. It is a fact, that every relationship needs to be nurtured in order to blossom, but in a long distance relationship, it is especially crucial that you put in that extra bit of effort, to keep it going. Be creative in coming up with romantic ideas to spice up your relationship, even if it is separated by distance.
5. Not involving your partner in the relationship
When the two of you are living separately, it is easy to fall into the habit of taking decisions on your own. But take care to involve you partner, in matters where you both are concerned. For instance, ask your lover what he or she thinks of a Caribbean cruise the next time you can be together. Or inform your partner before you make any changes to a joint bank or credit card account.
6. Adopting a wait-and-see stance
Very often, couples living away from each other, do not believe that their relationship can work, but at the same time they are reluctant to let go of each other. If you keep sitting on the fence, waiting to see how things might turn out, remember that this is not a relationship at all and will get you nowhere.
7. Saving all your money for later
If it is within your means, make sure that you can meet up with your partner as often as possible. It makes no sense, saving your money now and planning to spend it later, when you have agreed that this relationship is your future. So why not spend on it?
8. Not being in touch
Pick up your partner’s phone calls, even if it is to say that you’ll be calling back. Keep in touch with each other by phone, email and text messages. A good way of bridging the distance just a little, is to use a web cam, since this offers a way to visually communicate with each other in real time.
9. Having an affair yourself
The biggest mistake, in my opinion, is to look for a third person to fill in for your partner, when he or she is not around. By allowing an outsider to enter your life – however briefly – you are breaking the basic bond of mutual trust that holds two people together. This is not only cheating on your partner, but an indication that you do not believe in the relationship yourself.
10. Not having enough faith in the relationship
There is no dearth of pessimists, who are ready to write off long distance relationships as impractical and thus impossible to maintain. Don’t believe all that critics say, because once you give in to their negative comments, you will always feel haunted by its risks – both imagined and real – until it will actually destroy your relationship. So if and when you do decide to enter into a long distance relationship, give it your all and it will surely enrich your life.
These are some of the mistakes most common in a long distance relationship which needs that much more effort to keep it going because of the pressures exerted by time and distance. However, this is not to say that long distance relationships are doomed from the start. If couples trust each other and make that extra effort to keep the fire burning, then, very few romantic encounters are as ecstatic as those, which come after periods of separation.
___________________________
Long distance relationships can be so much stronger than a close relationship. They take a lot of trust, communication, love, compassion, control, and so many other things.
Although you may be miles and miles apart. Your hearts are still together as one. But they are hard to maintain. If one of the partners lies, then you can say goodbye to the relationship. You need to be 100% truthful, about everything. Even the slightest lie and be amplified by the distance. I wish you all a good luck with your relationships, and I hope you all find the one of your dreams.
Warning signs that your long distance relationship is in trouble
A relationship involves a massive amount of adjustments and sacrifices. These adjustments and sacrifices however, should be equally divided between the couple. A couple, who are so much in love, committed and completely honest about their feelings for each other, will surpass any obstacle that may threaten to ruin their relationship.
Most long distance relationship problems can be solved by keeping phone conversations interesting. 'Tell Me Honey...2000 questions for couples' is a best-selling book on this subject, available from Amazon.com. Read this book and you'll have your partner looking forward to your phone conversations even when you're separated by thousands of miles.
A change in one of the partner's behavior or attitude should be taken as a warning sign and preventive measures should be sought to deal with an impending problem. Such defensive actions are possible in the case of face-to-face relationships, where a tell-tale sign or expression can set the alarm bells ringing. How does one detect a warning sign when the partner in question is couple of miles away from you? In a long distance relationship, akin to face-to-face ones, warning signs are always there, but it takes an alert partner to detect it in time and put the relationship back on track.
A lack of enthusiasm for the relationship may result in lesser number of phone calls or e-mails. The arrangement of staying away from each other still works but the passion is missing. If one of the partners has no genuine enthusiasm for the relationship, it may be in trouble. Trust is a vital factor in such a relationship, if you are constantly worried about your partner going out to clubs or dating other men/women then maybe that the person is not made for such a relationship.
A constant vigil, in terms of numerous phone calls or e-mails enquiring about his/her whereabouts, can signal a complete lack of distrust. Instincts are very important in a long distance relationship but don't confuse your instincts with paranoia. Maintaining a long distance relationship can often border on bankruptcy if the number of phone calls and visits are not planned in a prudent way. There is no room for suspicion in a long distance relationship. In order for you to survive your long distance relationship, you must learn to trust your partner wholeheartedly.
A single suspicion will break the bond you have for each other and it is a beginning of the end if you start to suspect your partner at any point of your long distance relationship.
Complete apathy towards your feelings, or about the relationship in particular, is a warning sign that should not be ignored. Your partner's apparent indifference could have stemmed out of frustration of not seeing you or it could be an indication that another woman has entered his life. Although it may not be done intentionally, this type of mistake will be very costly to your long distance relationship.
In a long-distance relationship, it's often easy to misinterpret, misunderstand, or discount your partner's feelings, words or actions on account of the difficulty of communication, clarity of intent or effort as contrasted with that of regular dating relationships. If your partner starts misinterpreting every word you utter or try to read between lines, it's a warning sign of mistrust. It's essential to maintain a sense of humor with your partner, sharing in blunders of miscommunication and being able to laugh at your situation together.
Knowing, understanding and accepting your partner is a long-term process and healthy relationships require respect for differences and awareness of each others strengths and weaknesses and positive and negative qualities.
The temptation to stray in a long-distance relationship
If relationships dangle on thin threads of trust and commitment, then the temptation to stray is inevitable. Mere proximity of your partner cannot assure you hundred percent honesty and fidelity. However one cannot deny the fact that seeing your partner on a daily basis may give a sense of control over your partner's roving eye practice. In a long-distance relationship, where there's no physical proximity, the temptation to stray looms large.
Mini and Joseph are a couple made for each other, this was the oft heard remark made by their close friends and relatives. Their relationship seemed to have weathered all kinds of storms except experiencing the bitter pangs of separation. Their fear of getting separated soon turned into reality when Mini was sent abroad by her company for a corporate training program. Both of them took consolation in the fact that the separation period would not last for more than a year.
After a tearful farewell, Joseph immersed himself in his job as a quality analyst. The initial stages of their long-distance relationship was devoid of any untoward incidents until a common friend informed Mini that Joseph's casual flirting with his colleague had turned into a serious one. There soon followed a drastic change in Joseph's attitude towards Mini, Infrequent phone calls and e-mails further confirmed the fact that he was being unfaithful to her. Mini and Joseph's is a case in point to prove that the scope for straying is definitely high in a long-distance relationship.
When the partner is not physically around, the temptation to stray can become inevitable at times. Being faithful is not an art form it's just something that happens between two people in a particular relationship. Because you're not there to keep an eye on each other, it's also important to build trust though the temptation to stray never ceases to exist. Be extra demonstrative of your feelings. Send cards, flowers and presents. Say 'I love you' often, to make up for the fact that you can't show affection face-to-face. This can be a gentle reminder (read warning) to your sweetheart who has a weakness for the opposite sex.
Make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do. If each of you knows that the other is trustworthy in little things, you'll be able to trust in big things - like fidelity. What happens in many cases, however, is that one of the partners may start feeling lonely and begin to look around to see if there are any dating options available. With his girlfriend miles away from him, he may start telling himself, "It's ok if I look around and date other girls, after all it will be nothing serious, but only a casual fling".
But a casual date may sometimes turn into a serious relationship which is something a couple involved in a long-distance relationship does not anticipate. Simply having made a decision to allow each other the freedom to date other people while they were apart, and seeing if they still felt the same way about each other once they were reunited, may prevent such situation. A couple who have high levels of commitment, trust and self-control can resist the temptation to stray and effortlessly transform a long-distance relationship into a secure and successful one.
How to make a long distance relationship work - Keeping the spark alive
An open and honest conversation between a boy and a girl can turn even a platonic relationship into a serious one. It is agreed that effective communication is the founding stone of any successful relationship. A sheer lack of communication or dishonesty between partners can lead to unnecessary arguments or fights.
A one-to-one communication is obviously not possible with couples involved in a long-distance relationship. Phone calls are the most sought-after communication tool. The joy of listening to each other's voice can be quite exhilarating and reassuring.
Exchanging sweet nothings over the phone or just describing your day's activities to your partner are tiny hints to let him or her know that they have a special place in your heart.
Being in a long-distance relationship is unfortunately expensive what with innumerable phone calls, postal charges and plane tickets. Conversation on the phone can often turn into arguments when the topic steers towards managing one's finance. To avoid such squabbles over money matters, decide on a financial plan.
If your partner pays for your phone bill, then volunteer to sponsor his plane ticket or vice versa. The most common reason why people argue on the phone in a long-distance relationship, is the fact that a partner may not receive a phone call from his/her sweetheart as promised. If you say you are going to call in a day or two but call after a week, it could give out the signal that you are not very interested or committed to this relationship.
Typically, conversations over the phone end with either one of the partners promising to call on a certain day or date. If you have made such a promise, make sure to make that phone call on the said date. This simple gesture may prevent an argument over the phone.
Make sure that your conversation is not centered on your life, your work or future plans. This may indicate that you are not interested in your partner's welfare or activities. If most of your conversation revolves around 'I, me and myself', your partner may feel unwanted and bitter towards you, which may culminate into an argument.
Be sensitive towards each other's feelings. In a long-distance relationship, where there is a constant craving to see your partner's face, it becomes necessary to devote all your attention to your partner in terms of listening to what he/she has to say.
Share your worries and insecurities but avoid arguments over the phone. In case you argue, make sure that you resolve the argument, thereby ending the conversation in an amicable manner. Abruptly hanging up the phone while in the midst of an argument, may further aggravate a problem and can develop into misunderstanding or jealousy.
There is nothing more important than planning to meet each other again at an interval of time throughout the period of your long-distance relationship. This will help both you and your partner to catch up with each other over the things that you cannot do while apart. Talking or planning about your next rendezvous over the phone will give you the excitement, hope, as well as eliminate the lonely feeling in your long-distance relationship.
How to make a long distance relationship work - Keeping the spark alive
Making a relationship work requires sincerity, commitment and conviction, in equal measures, by both the partners, to achieve the desired success in a relationship. However in long distance relationships, an overdose of commitment and love is all it takes to keep it steady and strong. Keeping the spark alive can become an uphill task if your partner is miles away from you. For any relationship to work, communication is a necessary and most vital tool.
In today's age, unlike the bygone days where communication was limited to writing letters, we have a whole array of communication tools to choose from, which are not only quick but cost-effective too! So make the most of your electronic gadgets.
Sending messages or exchanging jokes through your cell phones is a fun and easy way to cheer up your partner. E-mails and chatting online is another popular method used worldwide to keep a long distance relationship going. If these methods deprive you of seeing your sweetheart's face, then install a webcam on your computer/laptop and enjoy the pleasure of seeing your partner's face on your computer screen.
If these technological advancements don't work, an impulsive decision to visit your partner can keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships can become extremely difficult to sustain if the separation time stretches beyond a year or two. So make it a point to visit each other as often as possible. Chalk out a plan, decide who will visit whom, and then keep that promise.
Long distance relationships can tap the creative streak in some couples. Sheryl, a young doctor was posted to a small town near Birmingham. Being married to Mick after a courtship of three long years was a dream come true. As a software engineer, Mick could not obviously shift base from Birmingham to the town where Sheryl was posted. Their first marriage anniversary was just round the corner and due to prior job commitments, Sheryl was unable to be with Mick on their anniversary day. The creative streak in this doctor's brain hatched a plan to make their anniversary a memorable one.
She called up a florist and ordered for red roses to be delivered to Mick and a parcel of his favorite pizza was delivered to his workplace on her behest. The red roses made his day. Such thoughtful ways of expressing one's love towards your partner, irrespective of the distance, can definitely maintain the romance across the miles.
Let not the distance dampen the spirit of romance in you. Be adventurous and imaginative; take impulsive decisions of surprising your partner in one way or the other. Frequent visits to see each other also keep the spark alive and may rekindle the romance between you. It's like you were never separated.
Do long distance relationships work?
A relationship with your girlfriend, lover or wife brings with it an immense sense of happiness, security and expectations. A hug or a kiss from your girlfriend or wife makes it easier to get back home from a long day at work. Sometimes a mere fragrance of your girlfriend's perfume can set your pulse racing! When everything is hunky dory, a promotion at work may require you to relocate to a difference place, to another city miles away from your girlfriend.
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How would you react if your girlfriend, who is well settled in her job is unable to relocate with you? Would you continue your relationship with her or just pack your bags to pursue your career?.
Relationships today are no longer synonymous with nearness or closeness. Long distance relationships between couples have taken a whole new dimension with more and more couples indulging in the same. The success rate in a long distance relationship largely depends on the emotional and mental strength of the couples.
Couples who are in such a relationship vehemently believe that all it takes is to rise above the shackles of distance, and that being understanding, trustworthy and faithful to each other can turn this kind of relationship into a successful one! The popular adage "Out of sight is out mind" may soon become obsolete, considering the alarming rate at which couples indulging in long distance relationship is rising.
Yes! A long distance relationship can definitely work as long as both the man and woman are determined to make it work. It is indeed difficult to keep a long distance relationship going. It's a path laden with more of downs than up, but like they say, true love will not succumb to the pressures of time or distance. The onus is on the couple to make it work. It is of utmost importance that the couple must be committed to each other and ready to sacrifice the joy of seeing each other daily.
If only mere proximity or distance was a resultant factor in a successful relationship, then there would be absolutely no scope for failed relationships or divorce in any country. One must remember that a face-to-face time does no guarantee success.
A couple staying in close proximity or living under one roof may not always enjoy a healthy relationship if there is no love, trust or commitment towards each other. Trust and honesty is something that both have to deal with to keep the relationship going, be it long distance or not.
If one of you intends to cheat on the other, irrespective of distance, and lie, then the relationship is bound to fail.
Do Long Distance Relationships Last?
It's true that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but sometimes “absence makes the heart wander”. Long distance relationships are plagued by more problems than regular relationships. Several times, relationships start as a fling and then you’re separated. And the time you’re apart, if it does fall apart, who is to blame really?
Start with the basics. Are both of you deeply committed to the relationship or is it just casual dating. Chances are that if the relationship was not serious before the separation, the separation will make it worse. So establish at the outset, what phase your relationship is in. If you are serious and have been with each other for a long time, you will be able to give the relationship the time and effort it requires during your time apart. If it’s casual, the effort will be a lot more, as will be the distractions and excuses.
Be open to the idea of being in an open relationship. Sometimes, taking some time off from the relationship to clear your head, is a better idea than to whine and fret because you’re apart.
Quite often, one partner becomes dominating and wants to know what the other one is doing at a certain time. Be rational. Would you have acted this way if he/she was in the same city? If your partner did the same thing, would you be OK with it. If you think your behaviour is rational, then you need to figure out your partner’s behaviour.
Jealousy can play havoc in a long distance relationship. If you’re the kind that gets a lot of attention from the opposite sex, don’t revel in it and share your conquests with your partner during your routine weekly phone call. The message that you’re trying to send is, “I’m hot and I have options”. If your wish is to do this and upset your partner, then you need to question why you really are in this relationship.
There will always be distractions in life, more so, where the opposite sex is concerned. If you tend to get interested in other men/women during your time apart, analyze why this is happening. Would you be interested in the person if you were with your partner? Is this happening because you’re lonely? Harmless attraction is fine. However, if you find yourself getting drawn to another person, ask yourself if it’s worth it to jeopardize your relationship with your partner. Most people indulge in these indiscretions and then pick up from where they left off. Be honest with your partner about your shenanigans. If word gets out and he/she finds out from someone else, that will surely be the end of the relationship.
However, there are a few things you can do to sustain a long distance relationship. Whatever level or phase you’re at, if both of you have decided to make it work, there are several ways of keeping the magic alive.
Use technology. In this day and age, there is no excuse for not staying in touch even when you're in a long distance relationship. Sending text messages, chat, e-mail and web cams have not only made our life easier, but have also breathed a new life into long distance relationships. Stay in touch everyday. Try to maintain the same frequency of communication. If you called each other everyday when you were together, then at least send each other e-mails everyday…even if it’s a one-line “I miss your face so much” e-mail. Telephone calls and texting could get expensive. Limit this to once a week. Send handwritten letters once in a while. Nothing says “I love you” like a handwritten letter.
In long distance relationships, couples drift apart because they can't perform activities together. Even if they stay in touch through phones and e-mails, it becomes boring and tedious after a while. Innovate and find out new ways of doing things together.
Watch movies or television together. There are several websites from where you can stream.
Play games together. Fine an online game that you both like, or play some game on MSN or whatever with eachother.
Research something for him/her. You could look up his/her family history and share the link.
Small gifts, cards and flowers can be very romantic and are easy to send. Personalize the gifts so he/she remembers you each time he/she looks at it. Papermache dolls of both of you with characteristic clothes and accessories will always remind him/her of you. If you wear a blue sweater all the time, make the doll wear blue. If you have a tattoo, draw one on the doll. Anything that makes him/her think of you.
Keep an online journal/blog. You can both make posts together, on the same blog, about your day and what you feel, what you want, etc. It would be a great record of your time apart.
Send him/her one your T-shirts…but don’t forget to spray it with your perfume, so that it smells like you.
Write a story in which the protagonist is you and you’re travelling on this long and arduous journey across continents, seas and mountains. Also, draw a map of the road route from you to him/her. It will be a fun thing for him/her to read.
Accepting that a long distance relationship will be difficult and trying, is the first step. If you’re in love and your partner loves you as well, this time, although difficult, will be only temporary. A relationship that stands the test of long distance really does have a great future.
Romantic Ideas for a Long Distance Relationship
Keeping the love alive in a long distance relationship can, at times, seem a challenge. When two people are separated by the miles in between, it is not possible to meet each other every day, and this lack of physical proximity may eventually create an emotional vacuum. The partners may drift away from each other and find both emotional and physical support in someone closer by.
However, long distance relationships have their own pleasures too. The time spent away from each other, in fact, can strengthen the bond between partners and bring about greater awareness of the value of the relationship they have. And of course, the intimacy shared after days and nights spent alone, is so much sweeter. Here are a few romantic ideas on keeping the spark alive and burning in a long distance relationship.
Go back in time and send a traditional love letter. Nothing is more romantic than declarations of love in a hand-written letter, on perfumed paper. Don’t forget to sign off with a personal touch like a lipstick impression. Your partner will appreciate the thought and effort that went into writing such a letter and will feel really special.
Make use of technology, to be in touch. One of the biggest pitfalls of a long distance relationship, is that, over time, you begin to feel left out of your partner’s daily life. But fortunately, modern technology now provides a wide range of opportunities to be in constant touch even when geographically separated. Use e-mails and phone calls to ask about your partner’s day, what the menu is for dinner tonight, or what his or her plans are for the weekend. Questions which may seem mundane to outsiders, actually work to create a cozy atmosphere and help partners to feel connected. Download internet phone services like Skype and speak to your lover as much as you want, without running up exorbitant phone bills. Use web cams and professional web-conferencing software. For this, you can get a high-speed internet connection at a very low price, in most countries. For just $50 a month you can stream live video to and from anywhere in the world. Keep “dates” with each other. Being separated by distance does not mean that you stop interacting with each other. The very fact that you can see each other in real time, even though on camera, will go a long way in making you feel connected.
Watch a romantic movie at the same time. Since you are unable to go for a movie date together, decide to rent a favourite romantic movie on the same day and try to watch it around the same time, even though you are in different locations. This will give you a feeling of being connected and the two of you can discuss the movie later on phone, email, or when you meet in person.
Send romantic text messages. Text messages are short and sweet ways of letting your partner know that you are thinking of them. Choose messages that suit your style - whether famous romantic quotations or racy one-liners – and let your partner be pleasantly surprised. You could also make a game of it, lasting the whole day. For instance, when you wake up in the morning, send a text message with the first line from Elizabeth Barret Browning’s famous love poem, “How do I love thee, Let me count the ways” and then follow it up by text messaging at regular intervals, one reason at a time, why or how much you love your partner. This would depend on your partner’s persona. Some people can find such messages sent a few times a day, very charming. If your partner isn’t the romantic sort, it may not work.
Think of innovative ways to express your love. You could reach out to your partner across the miles, by dedicating to him or her, a favourite romantic song on a popular radio show. But just make sure that he or she has the radio tuned to the particular channel/station beforehand. You could also take out a “love advertisement” in the local newspaper to which your partner subscribes. The “ad” could express your love either in a dramatic or funny way – enough to catch your partner’s eye and warm his or her heart for the rest of the day.
Send cards at every opportunity, even 'no-reason' cards with some personalized poetry! Cards can be wonderful ways of expressing your love. Send both real and e-cards to your partner at every possible chance like Valentine’s Day, anniversaries of first dates, first kisses and similar days of romantic significance. Apart from these, send cards to let your partner know that you have been missing and thinking of them.
Be adventurous once in a while. If letters and cards have begun to seem too staid after a while, stir things up in your long distance relationship, by taking recourse to some bold ideas. For instance, use a digital camera to take some intimate pictures of yourself, scan and then email them to your loved one. Your partner will love the passionate streak and may even surprise you by taking the next flight to your town.
Plan to do something special when you meet. Discuss with your partner what you would do when you see each other. This may be as simple as cooking a meal together, or as adventurous as planning a hike in the mountains and spending a romantic night under the stars. Whatever it is, keep in mind the preferences of both partners, so that either of you doesn’t feel like sacrificing one’s own interests for the sake of the other. A good idea would be to keep an ongoing list, and updating it with the items that you want to do together, the next time you meet up.
So now you know that there are romantic ideas galore to spice up your long distance relationship. It only needs some creative thinking on your part, and an equally ardent heart on your lover’s, to get the relationship really rocking. After all, the basics of a long distance relationship are the same as any other – shared interests, common values and love and respect for your partner.
10 Mistakes you Must Never Make in a Long Distance Relationship
Every relationship has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. But a long distance relationship has to bear the additional burden of physical separation over long stretches of time. When two people in love are unable to be around each other physically, it leaves the relationship open to attacks of emotional and physical loneliness. In such a scenario, it becomes important to shun behaviour that can build up distrust and jealousy and ultimately ruin a lovely relationship. So, go through the following mistakes most long distance couples make and avoid them, if your want to keep your relationship intact.
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1. Breathing down the neck of your partner
Every relationship – whether separated by distance or not – requires that two individuals give each other enough space to grow. However, when you have been away from each other for a long time, you might want to be clued into everything that your partner is doing – what he did over the weekend, who were the friends she went out with for shopping or what is for dinner tonight. While it is a good idea to be in touch on daily basis, prying too much into your partner’s routine or social life may put him or her off the relationship.
2. Appearing insecure
If you are insecure about the people your partner is meeting while living away from you, then it is a sign, that you are not emotionally mature enough for a long distance relationship. If you keep nagging your partner about how miserable it is for the two of you and how the other couples have it so well, it is bound to upset him or her that you feel so miserable about the relationship. Instead, look at the positive side to a long-distance relationship and take heart, that a meeting after a period of absence will be that much sweeter.
3. Making allegations of infidelity
Once the seeds of suspicion have been planted in your relationship, it is the beginning of the end. If you are suspicious of your partner’s co-workers, friends, flat mates and other social acquaintances, it means that you do not trust your partner wholeheartedly. Worse still, if you charge your partner with being unfaithful to you, without any concrete evidence, it means that the faith in your relationship has gone and every relationship –long distance or not – is bound to collapse without the foundation stone of trust.
4. Taking your partner for granted
While it is a mistake to nag your partner about his or her life away from you, it is equally fatal to take your lover for granted. It is a fact, that every relationship needs to be nurtured in order to blossom, but in a long distance relationship, it is especially crucial that you put in that extra bit of effort, to keep it going. Be creative in coming up with romantic ideas to spice up your relationship, even if it is separated by distance.
5. Not involving your partner in the relationship
When the two of you are living separately, it is easy to fall into the habit of taking decisions on your own. But take care to involve you partner, in matters where you both are concerned. For instance, ask your lover what he or she thinks of a Caribbean cruise the next time you can be together. Or inform your partner before you make any changes to a joint bank or credit card account.
6. Adopting a wait-and-see stance
Very often, couples living away from each other, do not believe that their relationship can work, but at the same time they are reluctant to let go of each other. If you keep sitting on the fence, waiting to see how things might turn out, remember that this is not a relationship at all and will get you nowhere.
7. Saving all your money for later
If it is within your means, make sure that you can meet up with your partner as often as possible. It makes no sense, saving your money now and planning to spend it later, when you have agreed that this relationship is your future. So why not spend on it?
8. Not being in touch
Pick up your partner’s phone calls, even if it is to say that you’ll be calling back. Keep in touch with each other by phone, email and text messages. A good way of bridging the distance just a little, is to use a web cam, since this offers a way to visually communicate with each other in real time.
9. Having an affair yourself
The biggest mistake, in my opinion, is to look for a third person to fill in for your partner, when he or she is not around. By allowing an outsider to enter your life – however briefly – you are breaking the basic bond of mutual trust that holds two people together. This is not only cheating on your partner, but an indication that you do not believe in the relationship yourself.
10. Not having enough faith in the relationship
There is no dearth of pessimists, who are ready to write off long distance relationships as impractical and thus impossible to maintain. Don’t believe all that critics say, because once you give in to their negative comments, you will always feel haunted by its risks – both imagined and real – until it will actually destroy your relationship. So if and when you do decide to enter into a long distance relationship, give it your all and it will surely enrich your life.
These are some of the mistakes most common in a long distance relationship which needs that much more effort to keep it going because of the pressures exerted by time and distance. However, this is not to say that long distance relationships are doomed from the start. If couples trust each other and make that extra effort to keep the fire burning, then, very few romantic encounters are as ecstatic as those, which come after periods of separation.
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Long distance relationships can be so much stronger than a close relationship. They take a lot of trust, communication, love, compassion, control, and so many other things.
Although you may be miles and miles apart. Your hearts are still together as one. But they are hard to maintain. If one of the partners lies, then you can say goodbye to the relationship. You need to be 100% truthful, about everything. Even the slightest lie and be amplified by the distance. I wish you all a good luck with your relationships, and I hope you all find the one of your dreams.