MadManWithaBox
June 14th, 2010, 08:32 PM
The knife slices. The eyelids shut, briefly. A smile forms on her lips. Relief. Temporary relief, at the cost of 4 drops of blood, and pain. What could be simpler?
This isn't illegal, she tell's herself. This isn't drinking. She doesn't take drugs, like so many of her friends. She isn't hurting anyone, except herself, and she doesn't mind, cos its her choice, right?
Still, she decides to keep this from her mum. She has enough to worry about without this on her plate. She's doing her a favour really, right?
And its easy to work into a daily routine, with so few extra inconveniences. Sure, she might get a little hot during the day, when she has to keep her jumper on all day, during school, or wear tights on the hottest day of day of july, but its still worth it.
Sometimes, she worries people will see. During PE. During the 8 hour school day. But still, she tells herself, its worth it. She sits on the school bus, dreaming of it. The Desire consumes her, fills her mind. Her friends, the typical teenagers, she scoff's silently. Fools, ruled by their raging hormones. She is control of her life, her body, her mind. She isn't ruled by her hormones.
Yet secretly, she wishes, and wishes, and wishes, she was just like them. Care free teenagers. The pain, the fire, it consumes her, burns and burns and burns until... nothing. A shell. An empty shell of a girl. Someone whose mind and body have broken. But dwelling upon unimportant facts never helps, she knows this. ,Yet she can't help, but wonder, hope.
She unlocks the door to her house, and goes straight up the stairs to her bedroom. She takes out the razor hidden in her underwear draw. She rolls up her sleeve. The unalterable routine.
*Feedback appreciated
This isn't illegal, she tell's herself. This isn't drinking. She doesn't take drugs, like so many of her friends. She isn't hurting anyone, except herself, and she doesn't mind, cos its her choice, right?
Still, she decides to keep this from her mum. She has enough to worry about without this on her plate. She's doing her a favour really, right?
And its easy to work into a daily routine, with so few extra inconveniences. Sure, she might get a little hot during the day, when she has to keep her jumper on all day, during school, or wear tights on the hottest day of day of july, but its still worth it.
Sometimes, she worries people will see. During PE. During the 8 hour school day. But still, she tells herself, its worth it. She sits on the school bus, dreaming of it. The Desire consumes her, fills her mind. Her friends, the typical teenagers, she scoff's silently. Fools, ruled by their raging hormones. She is control of her life, her body, her mind. She isn't ruled by her hormones.
Yet secretly, she wishes, and wishes, and wishes, she was just like them. Care free teenagers. The pain, the fire, it consumes her, burns and burns and burns until... nothing. A shell. An empty shell of a girl. Someone whose mind and body have broken. But dwelling upon unimportant facts never helps, she knows this. ,Yet she can't help, but wonder, hope.
She unlocks the door to her house, and goes straight up the stairs to her bedroom. She takes out the razor hidden in her underwear draw. She rolls up her sleeve. The unalterable routine.
*Feedback appreciated