I may be slowly going insane

[Dunce]

I never know where to start.

I have trouble getting to sleep. It's because the darkness triggers a very extreme sense of fear in me. I sleep with the door open and the hall light on so i think it's just the fact that it's night time and everyones asleep that gets me.
So as I lie in bed, usually listening to my mp3 player to calm me, thoughts keep popping into my head that make me feel afraid for my life. The thoughts that come to me have been about: Ghosts, Aliens, and some uncontrollable religious thoughts. I feel really paranoid and keep looking over my shoulder, I lie there so scared I feel sick. I usually fall asleep a few hours later, but now ill tell you about the nights where I dont get to fall asleep.

This is when it gets really bad, some nights, about once a week, when i try to calm myself down my mind starts racing and I become quite delusional. Thoughts that dont make sense to me, for example a few nights ago I found the words 'I only wanted to watch the news' in a screaming mans voice repeating in my head for hours, along with other strange nonsense thoughts.

As this is happening, I lie in bed, sweating, not knowing where I am, mind racing ,and depending on what I was thinking about I am under the impression that I am somewhere scary or doing something evil. One night I thought I was in a spaceship, another night I thought that I was working for a satanist cult. I have these thoughts and then when I sit up in bed I am aware of my bedroom again, I calm down even though I am still scared. When i lie back down the strange racing and delusional thoughts come back right away.

I have had panic attacks alot though recently I seem to know how to calm down fast, so they dont get bad.
I know this isnt normal, did anyone ever go through anything like this?

Please know that this is not because of lack of sleep. I have experienced weird feelings before because of lack of sleep and they are not like this at all.

[blah_x]

yes.. ii suffered similar to this a couple of years ago.. not as severly but ii was still scared all the same.
yu really need to talk to someone about this because it can get out of control and manifest itself into something bigger which is unnecessary.
talk to either a school chaplain/counsellor/GP/family member.. because yu need to let someone know if yu havent already. :)
message me if yu ever wanna chat, im from ireland too :D

[Dunce]

Thanks (: I don't know who to talk to. I don't really want to go to a family member because I went to the doctor before because of my panic attacks and I got a blood test and nothing showed up- as expected. But I have no money to go to a GP alone... I think I'll have to wait until school starts back :(

[Chris95]

I do think that you need to get some kind of counseling. I know what you're going through, I get weird thoughts, but not to the extreme. Although I do get weird things spoken by different voices as I'm falling asleep, although I'm certain it's just my imagination, because sometimes the weird things I hear correspond with things that happened to me that day.

But until you get help, have you considered falling asleep with all the lights on? I don't know about you, but I can fall asleep in light easily. That way there will be no darkness to manifest any thoughts in you. It's worth a shot :D

[Lovely Fox]

Oh, I comptly understand what's going on. It happens to me all the time. I've basicly turned nocturnal from it. Well, I don't sleep during the day. I just don't need much sleep. And my thoughts are.....similar. But they don't really scare me. Best of luck with this!

[Syvelocin]

Not to purposefully be insensitive at first, but Satanists don't have cults :P We're very nice people who don't believe in the existance of God or Satan. Just clarifying that ;)

But, I get what you mean. I sleep with a lamp on, because no matter what, if there is any darkness anywhere, my eyes recognize patterns and I see things (ironically, they're demonic, things I don't believe in anyway, like you'd find in a horror movie). I'm not scared of the dark, I love nighttime and taking walks outside afterhours, camping, I'm fine with all of that. But I'll try to turn that lamp off, and I get all the thoughts back of these beings.

I also had a night where I didn't sleep at all and my parents had to keep me home from school. I was incredibly paranoid, that I was seeing things and thinking things even in the living room with all the lights on, that something would come out from the mirror or the plumbing in the bathroom, the vents, the television screen, from anywhere, and kill me.

My psychologist has been best about solving this, though we haven't gotten anywhere, she has offered up suggestions from mental shields (religious or otherwise) to whether I'm getting my protein and vitamins.

[starrburst]

I used to be just the same, I sometimes still am. I remember when I was lttle wandering around my house at night having dilusions, like snakes squirming around the floor....The way I got over it was I started sleeping with thelights on, but with something covering my face. It made me feel protected.After that, i forced myself to turn off the lights..shut ALL light sources out. It worked, it was scary at first but now i'm mostly okay.

If it is bad you should see a specalist though...it is something that will only get harder the more you leave it. Help yourself and do something about it.
If you want to talk more pm me. xxx

[MyNameIsJack]

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[Jason Ruechel]

I'm the same. Just not as Intense as you. I always look behind myself in fear something is going to grab me. I get over it though.

[Bawnji]

I always fantasize about extreme and irrational instances.
Whenever I'm bored or have no important matters at hand, I end up in a daze of thoughts.
However I am able to distinguish this from reality, I know these thoughts do not exist or may not happen.