why was ii put on the planet

[blah_x]

one thing that ii cannot simply understand due to me being a catholic, is why God put me on this earth to have to ebdure such pain and hardship??
i mean, its bad enough my mum being sick bu aswell as that is my own mental health.
when iim not cutting, im taking painkillers, when im not taking pain killers im making myself sick. why do ii do these thing to myself?
most of all, all ii want is for someone to turn around and tell me everything is going to be all right, but deep down inside ii know its not.
and this is where my friends, my road ends.
i dont want to be this person anymore, ii dont want to live this life, i cause pain and destruction to everybody. most importantly the pain ii endure myself is unbearable, and ii cant stand it any more.
the only reason ii am just unable to push myself that far and finally get it over with, is the fear that ppl will say she did it 4 attention or how selfish ii am.
but then again, why wud ii care, iim dead.:what:

[MadManWithaBox]

God didn't put you on the planet, to endure pain and destruction. It just happened. You do these things to yourself cos you're not happy, your mum is sick, you need to talk to someone about it. Pm me if you want. And suicide is never the answer. I'm sure you don't cause pain and destruction to everyone, you just think you do. Like I said, pm me to talk.

[Sith Lord 13]

The truth is, there is no explanation for the pain we have to go through. At least, not in the short term. One day, you'll look back, and maybe you'll find a reason. Maybe you're going through this shit so that you know what's important in life. The only thing I can tell you now for sure is that it will get better. Life grows towards improvement. You may not see it yet, but one day you'll turn around and say, "Damn, I'm actually doing pretty good.".

Life gets better. You just have to sick around to see it.

[MadManWithaBox]

*Agree's with the above as well. In fact I'd rep it, but I just repped you, so I'l have to wait.

[blah_x]

thanks a lot guys :)
x

[MadManWithaBox]

No problem. Everyone has pain to endure in their lives. Some have it worse than others. You have to look through the gloom of the bad day, to the light of the many, many good days you'll have.

[blah_x]

ii keep telling myself that so many ppl have it worse than me.. it must be sickening for ppl hu have to endure terrible lives.. nd listen to ppl like me moan on :(

[MadManWithaBox]

Everyone's misery is proportionate to their own lives(at least, in my opinion) better to be moaning and venting then doing anything worse right? :D

[Sith Lord 13]

Never be afraid to vent. Never.

No matter how good your life is, if something goes wrong, you have the right to vent about it.

[blah_x]

haha.. suprise suprise your right again.. ii act came across this website.. while ii was looking up suicide.. nd its a great place to moan innitt..:P
ii dont talk about my feeling and shit in real life so yano. :)
how long have yu SH? if yu dnt mind me asking?

[MadManWithaBox]

Me or him?

[blah_x]

you matthew.. or both off yu ii dnt realise alex had wrote back :)

[MadManWithaBox]

Oh right :) Er... 6 years.

[Sith Lord 13]

I don't know how to explain this.

I've never SH. But I can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop desiring it. Can't get the thought of running that blade through my skin out of my head. I've had these desires for almost six years now. Yet when I've put the blade against my skin, I've never been able to cut. Part of me knows that that's a blessing, but sometimes I wonder, am I really better off? Every time I go to cut and can't, I just walk away feeling worse. Like I'm a failure even at escaping.


Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread like that.

Back on topic. Life gets better. Even though I have to admit my life is still fucked up, it's a hell of a lot better than it used to be. Thing will get better. You just have to stick around to see it.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well that makes sense. I suppose. Blessing in disguise I suppose.

[Mike321]

Alex and Matthew are right, everyone goes throguh pain in their lives, some worse than others, but you have to keep fighting through it.
I can imagine it must be really hard for you with your mom being ill too, adds more pressure to you, but you need to keep telling yourself that things will get better (and they will, it might take some time, but it will) and you'll come out of this a stronger person
Your only young now, you've got all your life to come, we all have bad stages, but it will get better
PM me if you want to talk

[blah_x]

Alex your not hijacking... feel free to say whatever yu need to =]
your right yu do have a blessing in disguise.. nd that is good.. even yhough yu may feel worse after not being able to cut at least your not left with these terrible marks. yes indeed in the short-term they make yu feel something, anything that shows your alive... but honestly, in the long-term yu genuinely feel so much worse. i started out by self-harming now.. ii dont even know who ii am anymore!

thanks Mike :)

[MadManWithaBox]

You've lost yourself. Anyone who does this, loses themselves. They need to find themselves again, that is the crucial point to anyone recovering.

[blah_x]

how do ii find myself again though?

[MadManWithaBox]

You have to get through the internal pain that makes you want to self harm. Counsellors, therapy, whatever. Through that process, thats how you find yourself.

[blah_x]

Ok thanks..

[MadManWithaBox]

Its not easy. And as I said, you will slip up on the road. But if you keep on getting up and trying again, and again, and again, one day, you will get there. I'm on the path right now, and I've lost count of how often I've slipped up. But I'm still trying.

[blah_x]

dont ever give up right :)

[MadManWithaBox]

Exactly. long as you don't, you will get there. Eventually.

[blah_x]

:)...!

[Kaya]

I know how you feel, I really do. Just hang in there and keep your head up high. Things will get better in time. Im always here for you.

[blah_x]

ii hope so :)