urgh.

[1_21Guns]

It feels like this whole addiction is some form of termnial illness.
I know its not, and in no way at all am I claiming it to be one.
but it just feels like a hole I let myself slip into, that I know i'm never going to get out of.
Urges that are that bad it's all I can think about.
The effects of bottleing stuff up is starting to hit me,
making me tireder and weaker than ever.
I'm not going to cut. That's pointless.
But it just feels like some twisted illness I gave myself.
an illness that will now haunt me for the rest of my life.
My arms itch, screaming at me to cure it.
My head hurts, crying to make the pain stop.
Just one little cut won't hurt, something keeps telling me.
Not just one litte cut though is it. It'll be another.
Then another.
I can't shake the idea of cutting badly. Really badly.
It just won't go away.
I've tried to make it go, but it's all I can think about.
It's all I know.
Everything just hurts so bad atm, I want it to go away.
Cutting won't make it go though, not permanantly.
Then i'll just be left with this scar to remind me.
Just like the rest.
I can't get the thought my mother's seeing my dad or something again out of my head.
Everythings just caving in again.
Y'know, it's real funny how when you wish someday everything will be okay, that next thing you know it all turns to shit.

[1_21Guns]

If your not going to say anything helpful, please refrain from saying anything at all.

[xgeekyrocksx]

hey, i know what you mean and i think thats just the way it is. Self harm takes over? you know, your strong for not giving in to you urges and for not allowing yourself one small cut. You sound like your feeling low at the moment but if you just hang on and stay strong you'll realise you're achieving something xx try and distract yourself from things like this.. maybe call up a friend or watch tv or go for a really long walk.. xx

[1_21Guns]

hey, i know what you mean and i think thats just the way it is. Self harm takes over? you know, your strong for not giving in to you urges and for not allowing yourself one small cut. You sound like your feeling low at the moment but if you just hang on and stay strong you'll realise you're achieving something xx try and distract yourself from things like this.. maybe call up a friend or watch tv or go for a really long walk.. xx

thanks hun, i'm gonna try and see if i can go for a walk later. be the first one in days thanks to the weather.
i guess that is just how it is. sadly... i am pretty low right now, again. i just don't know where i'm going anymore, with anything.

[Mike321]

First of all I really admire you for not giving in to the urges, thats really good, your a strong person.
I know its difficult but try and keep strong through out this, its not going to last forever, and you'll come out of it a much stronger person.
And taking a walk is always good, it gives you space and time to think.
I dont really know what else to say, hope this is of some help

[1_21Guns]

First of all I really admire you for not giving in to the urges, thats really good, your a strong person.
I know its difficult but try and keep strong through out this, its not going to last forever, and you'll come out of it a much stronger person.
And taking a walk is always good, it gives you space and time to think.
I dont really know what else to say, hope this is of some help

thanks hun.

[Sith Lord 13]

Nat,

This is one hell of a fight you've got ahead of you. That every cutter has ahead of them. I know what you mean when you think you're never gonna be free. But you can't think like that. You have to remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be that day that you can be chopping up something for dinner, and not be thinking how much you want to let the knife "slip". There will be a day where your urges aren't gonna be so hard. One day. But you're gonna have to fight for it. You're gonna have to fight against your urges every single day. But one day, you will be free.

[1_21Guns]

Nat,

This is one hell of a fight you've got ahead of you. That every cutter has ahead of them. I know what you mean when you think you're never gonna be free. But you can't think like that. You have to remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be that day that you can be chopping up something for dinner, and not be thinking how much you want to let the knife "slip". There will be a day where your urges aren't gonna be so hard. One day. But you're gonna have to fight for it. You're gonna have to fight against your urges every single day. But one day, you will be free.

Thanks hun.

[MadManWithaBox]

Its a hard thing to give up Nat. A very hard thing. It may not be a drug, but it can sure feel like it sometimes. You just gotta keep going. You're going to slip up. i have, you have, everyone has, everyone on the same path. The important thing is that you never give up, never acknowledge you've taken a step back, cos you haven't. There's no looking back, only forward.

[1_21Guns]

Its a hard thing to give up Nat. A very hard thing. It may not be a drug, but it can sure feel like it sometimes. You just gotta keep going. You're going to slip up. i have, you have, everyone has, everyone on the same path. The important thing is that you never give up, never acknowledge you've taken a step back, cos you haven't. There's no looking back, only forward.

thankss.