Pain.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I cant do it.
I've "accidentally" burnt myself on the straighteners. I encouraged the cat to scratch me yesterday. Want to make them deeper. Worse. I'm sat at home. On my own. Bored feeling like this. No one can stop me. No one even knows, but 3 people, ones in college. The other, not spoke to him in ages and lives half way across the country and the third lives down south. There's no one here. I've given up on giving up. I'm falling and there's no one who can pull me out. No one here right now, next me to help me. I'm sick of this. The burn should be hurting, but its really not. I want to feel. Feel something other than this, this emotional pain. I just want to live again, me happy again... But I don't want to live like this. Am I just going to be stuck in this situation all my life? Never moving forward. Never moving back. I'm starting not to care if I hurt others by hurting myself. Not that anyone looks closely enough to even notice anyway. I've gone so long without I need/want it. I would say, someone help me, but I don't think any one can. Not any more.

[Sith Lord 13]

You know the pain doesn't really help. You don't need it. You're stronger than it is. Just keep going. You don't have to give in. You can overcome these desires.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

It does today. At the moment, I'd rather have the physical pain than the emotional pain. Too late, I have given in, not that its actually helped. Yet... I'm not strong enough to over come them... I give in too easily, always have done and probably always will do.

[Sith Lord 13]

Do you want to give in? Because if you do, you're right, you always will. But if you don't want to, if you don't want to keep doing this, then you will overcome it. You're urges come from inside you. They're a part of you. So you as the whole are by definition stronger than your urges. So you took a step backwards. It happens. But you had made a lot of progress before that. You can keep going. All you have to do is work for it.