LiTTleBrok3nDolly
June 7th, 2010, 07:43 PM
Seriously ive been through hell, not just bullying but abuse as well. Many times ive heard ppl who have killed themselves over bullies, if that were the case i would have died at 8 or 9, im 17 now. I cut, have for two years, have no self-esteem, have depression, PTSD, OCD, insomnia, panick attacks, and tried to kill myself since i was 7-stick pencils down my throat-age 8-10 tried drowning in tub, now i almost slit my throat twice went to EMR didnt stay and now ive hidden blades in my room from my parents. Im 17, as i said before and all my friends are sociable and talk to more and more people, but bcs i have agoraphobia (fear of crouds, places not being able to escape) i stay home, sad that my friend met five new people who ive only heard of.
Im homeschooled, the first time was in kindergarden, i think and a little bit of first grade. Was brutally physically beaten in 3 and 4 grade hid it from everyone, expected evryone to read the pain in my mind, then verbally taunted until just recently. Ages 3-6 was suffocated in plastic containers from two ppl i know close, which is why i am claustrophobic, and um...was raped at 6, by my [email protected]#$%^ uncle, at the one and only fam party.
So now ive been to uh, 1-2-3-4 counsilors/therapists and one EMDR dr who was a male, and now my first therapist will introduce me to the second EMDR dr, a women. PTSD-my mind blocked raped for 11 years recently remember tough time.
Everyone says im strong, but i dont feel strong, i feel like killing myself way to much. When someone asks me about bf or guys in general, i blush and freak out. As if someeone asked me to masturbate infront of them.
And then the disciplines, mom or dad would put me in shower painfully cold water on me for felt like fifteen minutes,clothes on, drenthced, mom or dad would pin me to ground blow on my face(also bullies did this, pulled on hair indian burns pushed pinched grabbed my groin, threw dirt and worms at me, spat.....)
And so now i am here, typing on a site idk if i can truly trust, oh well, if not, and someone rapes me, ill kill myself for sure. Bye.
Im homeschooled, the first time was in kindergarden, i think and a little bit of first grade. Was brutally physically beaten in 3 and 4 grade hid it from everyone, expected evryone to read the pain in my mind, then verbally taunted until just recently. Ages 3-6 was suffocated in plastic containers from two ppl i know close, which is why i am claustrophobic, and um...was raped at 6, by my [email protected]#$%^ uncle, at the one and only fam party.
So now ive been to uh, 1-2-3-4 counsilors/therapists and one EMDR dr who was a male, and now my first therapist will introduce me to the second EMDR dr, a women. PTSD-my mind blocked raped for 11 years recently remember tough time.
Everyone says im strong, but i dont feel strong, i feel like killing myself way to much. When someone asks me about bf or guys in general, i blush and freak out. As if someeone asked me to masturbate infront of them.
And then the disciplines, mom or dad would put me in shower painfully cold water on me for felt like fifteen minutes,clothes on, drenthced, mom or dad would pin me to ground blow on my face(also bullies did this, pulled on hair indian burns pushed pinched grabbed my groin, threw dirt and worms at me, spat.....)
And so now i am here, typing on a site idk if i can truly trust, oh well, if not, and someone rapes me, ill kill myself for sure. Bye.