i failed myself :(

[Asylum]

soo i had a piano exam this morning. i prepard a piece in less then 2 weeks. could only practice at specific times.. i had the piece perfectly last night. my piano teacher was so impressed. i was even impressed and happy with myself. yes, finally, i can do this. i will prove myself to my teacher that i am a good pianist, he'll finally know i'm not a bad student and i do try.. he won't hate me anymroe. but no.. today i messed up rythms, got notes wrong, messed up chords hesitated... things i've never done with this peice befroe. just because i was shaking because he was watching me.. and i felt so preessured i expected perfection f myself... and ihad it.. then i let nerves go and it slip away... people said i played well and they didn't hear mistakes.. but he had a coopy of my music he knows the mistakes i've made. he's heard me practice every off mod i had and practicing with no mistakes... howeever he might think... oh since then she hasn't practiced she's lazy.. i jsut want this teacher to like me./.. :( he has his favorites.. and his students he doesn't like... i'm one f those he doesn't like. i'm not jsut saying that... he's shown it in ways... for example at the band concert he was going to have me switch pianos . we are on stage and he is like.. so you want to play the grand instead? umm... you had me practicing on the electric... i know well cna't i just play that.. storms off wiht a pissed off loook on his face.. do you swtich the instruments of the violins? they trombones? no.... and there are other instances. where i'll play a piece for my teacher he says its great, he has a doctor degree and works at a college, so what he says isn't bs... he is very, very critical, and a perfectionist. so i'll play the piece for my band teacher making like one mistake.. .and i get a 60 O_o ?!?!?! it's like arlight... then i confront him ask him how to improve.. and literally.. he has to think awhile to come up with a great excuse.. it was too fast.. rhythm was bad. things i know i did right because i've never played it wrong... arghh he also looks at me like i'm stupid and he done'tfeel like talking to me when i ask a simple question.. like what piano do you want me to use? so he gets this frustrated annoyed look on his face liek why the hell are you takling to me?
back to rant sorry for getting off track.. so after i played my peice awfully, i got liek compliments from 7 different people... i was liek wtf?!? you've heard me play it better... stop lying to me... then i broke down crying for about 8 minutes... because i failed myself... i failed him.. he won't like me.. i had it perfect.. what happened? what the hell happened?!?! why the hell did i let nerves get to me?! :(

[Sith Lord 13]

Speaking as a musician, you're always harder on yourself than anyone else is. You know that single note you missed, that one fermata you should have held longer. But what matters is if the audience enjoyed it. It sounds like they did, so you did your job. If your teacher is an ass, forget him. Don't let him bring you down. I'm willing to bet your quite talented and if he can't see it that's his loss.

[Asylum]

very true.. thank you Alex :)

[Sith Lord 13]

No problem. You ever need to talk, I'm here for you.